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05/19/2012 11:36 PM

Feeling closed off, and out of strength.

chan2784
chan2784Posts: 75
Member

I really don't have anywhere else to turn but here, besides my counseling sessions I don't get out, or have anyone I trust to talk to.

Up until a couple years ago i wasn't doing anything with my life, I was just withdrawing more and more, not able to care, and everything was slipping away.

Until I met one person who has been my source of strength and gave me purpose. because of her I have tried to turn my life arround, going to doctors, trying to get better, fighting for SSI, none of which I would of ever considered doing otherwise.

But for quite some time now she has been keeping me at a distance, pushing me back, and there have been times lately where she has done some very hurtful things like purposly excluding and avoiding me, and if I say anything about it, she says I'm overreacting, and acts like I was a jerk for even feeling hurt.

I don't know what to do anymore, I really wish someone could help me to understand. Everything I have been fighting for, has been for her, so I could be a better person for her, she is my only real source of strength, and without her, I worry about just tumbling back down to where I was, or worse.

Lately everything has been going wrong, and I need her support more than ever, I don't know whats going on.

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05/20/2012 04:43 AM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16963
Group Leader

I hate to see you give up because of one person.

Maybe we should look at it like links on a chain.

You've come this far and she helped pull you up to this level of trying and getting help.

Maybe it will be someome else who helps pull you up to the next.

The important thing is do not give up.

It's hard to see this because as human's we tend to pair off select one person and have our sights on them.

And to think about losing them yeah we think we could just give up.

But there are many other people out there who would care and do care and you are so worth it to do this for yourself.

Please don't give up because of what is happening in this relationship.

It is discouraging I get that but there are other people out there.

Post edited by: damselndistress, at: 05/20/2012 04:43 AM


05/21/2012 04:35 AM
sammy137
sammy137  
Posts: 49
Member

Sometimes it's so hard to let go...when it comes to relationships. About 6 yrs back, I went through divorce and it was very hard. I felt like I couldn't go on by "myself." But it actually forced me to come to terms with alot of my insecurities and issues that I never really faced before because I was so dependent upon this other person.

People told me all kinds of things and gave me all sorts of advice at the time, and most of it I didn't want to or wasn't ready to hear! But I did find it to be true that sometimes being alone for a while is a good thing. I actually grew alot. And now I'm remarried, which I thought I never would be, to someone that is great and super understanding of the struggles I still face with anxiety and depression. I am so much better off than I was with my first husband, who just wasn't right for me. And I think it actually shows a person's true character if they don't want to stand by you through the rough times!

Try to be thankful for the things she did help you through. There's someone out there who will care for you and take you as you are. Don't give up!!


05/21/2012 07:40 AM
charlie22
Posts: 16
Member

I know how you feel. I am in the same place right now! I want to give up but I know I can't for me. Sometimes we are so caught up in ourselves we can't see we are smothering the best thing we have going for us. Stay strong I know I am trying very hard to. I know you can do IT.

05/22/2012 01:11 AM
Zetsubou
Zetsubou  
Posts: 261
Member

Relationships can be hard...

But focus on all the progress you've made, how far you've come.

What things have been going badly recently for you?


06/03/2012 05:51 PM
chan2784
chan2784Posts: 75
Member

Well, it seems like everything has been going badly recently. Getting further in debt through medical bills/cost of living, SSI keeps getting denied, the only supportive person I have keeps me at a distance, my doctors office is shut down for the next month while they change management, so I have to lose several appointments. My life feels like it isn't going anywhere, except backwards.

I've been fighting so hard to pull my life together into something worthwhile, but now its hard to see what I'm doing, or why. Tired, confused, just plain lost.


06/03/2012 06:40 PM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16963
Group Leader

The important thing is do not give up.

Keep plugging forward even when you can visualize that nothing good can possibly happen.

I've been through some really strange times but some how always end up coming out of that tunnel.

Never give up!


06/04/2012 07:10 AM
LostInCyberspace12
LostInCyberspace12  
Posts: 9945
VIP Member

Hang in there chan2784. I agree with what sammy137 said.

sammy137 said>>>>> But I did find it to be true that sometimes being alone for a while is a good thing. I actually grew alot. And now I'm remarriedI actually ended a LTR several years ago because of what I was going through @ the time even though the other person wanted to hang on and try to make it work. I hope to eventually be in another close relationship one day but right now in my life, I am just not ready so I will remain alone.


06/04/2012 07:26 AM
LostInCyberspace12
LostInCyberspace12  
Posts: 9945
VIP Member

Yep, like Damsel said, never give up. Life should always be a fight to the death when we feel like just throwing in the towel. I think we all feel like giving up from time to time. I have spent the last four years of my life as a spectator and not a participant. I have felt defeated so many damn times. I feel old. I feel used up. The vibrancy and energy exuded in my youth seem like a distant memory. I sometimes feel like I don't matter anymore.

As long as there is life, there is hope. These online communities like MDJunction lets me know I am not alone. There are many other people who are struggling just as I am, some even worse. I am not a member of the cancer and some of the other boards here because I currently don't have those conditions but I do visit to read about the struggles other people are having in their lives and it encourages me to hang on and keep trying even if I never get much better.

Post edited by: LostInCyberspace12, at: 06/04/2012 08:33 AM


06/04/2012 08:10 AM
LostInCyberspace12
LostInCyberspace12  
Posts: 9945
VIP Member

@ Chan2784, where exactly are you at in the SSI process?
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