I completely relate to your story. I think the first thing you need to do is stop punishing yourself for what happened. Keep the right to yourself to behave however you want without needing to explain to others, in fact you don't have to make a common sense. Secondly, again give yourself the right to make mistakes. It's ok to act irrational. plus remind yourself that you tried really hard but still slip through you fingers what you tired to hold so hard. It wasn't entirely your fault. As your doctor said you may be having some problems which you're working on them. so that's great. once you become your own friend, and forgive yourself for what you didn't get quite right, it's easier then to build upon your skills (in a slow and gradual way) to manage similar situations a bit better next time. I'd say try again and remember you can try as many times as you want until you get it right. There's always a next time. I don't think you should relate a particular incident to your core being, if you know what i mean? we may screw up every time but still we're good, we're worthy and lovable. give yourself a break from the worry, let go and do something you enjoy. Also there's professional help available. I'm participating in an online course that is run by university. I help them to conduct a research by answering surveys about anxiety(GAD) and in return i receive lessons as well as weekly phone calls to help me understand and manage my anxiety. You can find similar things in your area. Finally i'd like to add from my experience that the healing is a long term journey. We almost need to learn to live with anxiety while we're making small and gradual improvements. Life feels much better and a lot more liberating once you're rid of the unhelpful thoughts/behaviours. Thanks for sharing. |
