Anxiety Disorders Support Group

As for marriage, NO WAY, done with all that.

Two failed marriages is enough to let me know the guys I'm attracted to all end up the same for me when it comes to marriage.

I like a guy who is witty, intelligent, a guy who has common sense, a guy who is funny and has charisma, a good lover, poetic, artistic, sexy beyond belief and shows public affection and likes hugging holding hands, kissing tickling, basically a guy who shows other men I'm his and show the girls he's mine. It's a territorial thing.

I have a problem, when I meet a guy, I'm really sweet, I flirt without effort, everything is easy and comes naturally I feel feminine and cute and adored and speak in a flirty tone and giggle at everything I find witty that he surprises me with.

Then let's say we're together long enough for the love buzz to wear off but we still want to stay together dating and seeing each other more.

I then begin to get kinky and show a little more agression like "HA HA surprise! You thought I wasn't into this sort of thing and now you see I'm a little bit of a slap and tickle girl" and he likes it because there's more revealed about me.

The element of surprise can be a turn on depending on the guy obviously, it allows us to open up even more and things get even sweeter between us.

Then maybe months go by and things change if he begins to show signs of being pushy and he shows me he's set in his ways and won't compromise like I do. Well naturally I'll get upset because he's not beinbg fair.

So I begin letting him know I won't be pushed around because I've been single for so long and YEAH I CAN change my own tire etc. and yes I need my own posessions. Not everything is OURS and no I don't need HIM to drive us everywhere in MY truck.

I only get defensive if he isn't willing to be fair about compromising and taking turns with anything and is inconsiderate.

Ugh! also when he see's my "mommy face" and how I am with my kids at times and raising my voice a little, to get respect from the kids, he get's turned off.

He's so turned off and wondering where his innocent flirty perfect girlfriend went. See I can't walk around in high heels in Marilyn Monroe mode all day.

Can you imagine trying to get respect from a 2 year old or an 8 year old with that kind of demeanor.

NO! It won't happen, the kids would run all over me. I mean I could be the cute girlfriend who never raises her voice or demands respect, but then reality hits the fan and then me and my guy begin to argue because he feels cheated and tricked by my ever changing personality.

Sorry but I have bad days too. Especially PMS days, hormones is another story, some guys just don't understand that it's a real nasty mood swing for us women and not an excuse to bitch, I've even warned my boyfriends in the past to keep their distance and not to pick on me that week just to get revenge or poke fun just because they get a kick out of it because it only makes things worse.

So I call that the "Angel to Dragon Personality Sydrome", if there's a more simple term for it I'd like to know.

I dunno, I suppose if I didn't have kids I'd be more playful and could be that flirty girl giggling on my boyfriend's lap stroking his hair and telling him what a big man he is and how safe and protected he makes me feel , but even then there are bills and car maintenance bills and chores and laundry and house cleaning and errands to run, then there's sharing the radio station. (this is a huge problem if we hate each other's music)

I think I'm pretty set in my ways until I meet the right person who I don't mind sharing my life with, I can bend my own rules if he makes it worth my time and be fair like I am.

I become pushy later in the relationship if the guy I'm with get's a bit demanding and insists he remain "in charge" I just CAN NOT be the Oooo Aaaahh, type of girl with no brain and all beauty. I can't. I won't pretend either just to keep him around.

Anytime a guy knows that I'm independent and intelliget a guy accuses me of being a dyke, maybe so I'll tone it down or back off. Maybe some guys feel inferior that they're not needed 24/7 or they think I'm not feminine enough because his version of a perfect girl is one who never complains and just lets him have HIS way most of the time.

I have no idea what men want. Another thing is when I'm with a guy I become VERY insecure and I know insecurity is a turn off even for me.

I hate getting my heart broken, I begin to believe I'm being cheated on even if that's not true. When I'm with a guy I'll assume he's waiting for the next best thing and I'm just temporary until someone better comes along.

Also if he even makes small talk with a cute girl at a cashier stand I'll think he's being rude by making her laugh instead of letting ME ask the question to avoid that interaction between my man and the female cashier or whoever the female is.

Ugh, I just wanna smack a girl when she thinks my man is flirting with her. I can't stand guys that flirt casually with girls right in my face, that has to be the rudest thing ever. It always causes me to feel offended. I won't let it go and I won't flirt back with a strange guy just to show my boyfriend how it feels. I don't think two wrongs make a right.

I later become unsure of our relationship and I end up with low self esteem. When I'm in a relationship I lose my identity and confidence and become very clingy and doubt he still loves me and cares for me.

I can't stand losing myself when I'm with a guy, the only way I stay confident is staying single, and that's very sad, I just want to avoid a heartbreak and want to know how to move on when I'm ready to start dating, NOT GET MARRIED, just dating without falling in love.

Should I just date guys I'm not attracted to? Should I avoid dating all together?

Why do I become insecure when I'm with someone?

I hate that, it's like when I'm single I have no care that guys go around screwing who ever and doing whatever with who ever, but as soon as I open my heart, I'm scared of the unknown and wonder all kinds of paranoid crap.

It's a double edged sword, I either stay single and safe and lonely

OR

I open up and risk getting hurt and lose my independence but enjoy my mate at least most of the time unless something happens to make me insecure then it's time to break up.

I am so terrified to move on. I don't know if I should grow old and stay single or try again.

I hate having my heart broken. It hurts like hell and makes it harder to trust the next guy who comes along and I wonder "What if HE was the one" and I just let him go because the last guy I was with made me put up this guard.

~JackieBlue~

Well I would take some time before dateing ..Just find yourself again and look around at what you will compromise on..I`ve been with my husband for 15yrs and married for 8yrs..We still hold hands in public and sit on eachothers lap..He get a little defensive when it looks like someone is being lude..

You're very fortunate to have found a mate that cares. I feel like I wasted so much time in a 10 year relationship then another 4 years in my second one.

I think maybe some people are meant to be alone and I might have to accept that if that is what is meant for me. I'm just hoping that I'm ok with that, I mean my grandmother never got remarried and her son (my dad never got remarried either.

Maybe I'll just keep the family tradition. LOL

JackieBlue, Sounds like you're actually sending mixed signals in these relationships. Being independant is totally opposite from being clingy and insecure and you say you do both. Sounds like a lot of confusion going on. Maybe you need to work on your own issues before you try to be in a relationship again.

Just a suggestion.

Sandy