MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
05/02/2010 12:42 PM

How does the family of a sociopath survive?

Tommy100
Tommy100  
Posts: 903
Senior Member

I have been reading up on this subject in order to prepare for this forum.

It is frightful to see the articles on the internet.

The people being damaged hurt, destroyed.

Family members become targets for manipulation, one against the other.

The sociopath makes his family members believe they are the cause for his problems.

What can the family do?

They must get online support, see counselors, stuff like that.

The most brutal but the best for a family is to remove the sociopath from the family.

But how do you prove the person is a sociopath? They will never admit it.

Who can help the family?

I really don`t know. But i have the utmost sympathy for them.

Anyone with information is most welcome to help out please.

Thank you.

Tommy.

Links:

http://www.ehow.com/how_4878793_deal-sociopath.html

http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2006/10/22/sociopaths-drag- their-families-into-the-con/

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Post edited by: Tommy100, at: 05/02/2010 01:32 PM

Reply

05/05/2010 01:45 PM
santos63
santos63  
Posts: 2524
Senior Member

I think the only way one can tell if the family can/will survive a childhood of abuse depends on the individuals involved. If they have a source of outside support at all, the chances are better for survival. Then there is faith, and inner strength that comes from the individual's "higher power" whatever that may be. And then you have some who are downright rebellious and full of fight in them. Every individual has their own innate set of coping skills or lack there of. I have (on my mother's side) 4 brothers and 2 sisters. All but one made it out of there unscathed, the oldest brother. All others have issues in varying degrees, from drugs and alcohol to bipolar to schizophrenia with cutting. I personally struggle with Bipolar.

The only way to help the family is to try to get family services involved very early on (and be aggressive), with the goal being to place the children outside of the home. In my case, they didn't help much, took my mother's word over the children's word and injuries. Then their was hell to pay, after family services left. I personally think that in all suspected cases of abuse the parents should be tested psychologically as part of the assessment before returning children to the home. But Antisocial people are very bright and very manipulative.


05/12/2010 02:34 PM
Angela2
Angela2  
Posts: 2513
VIP Member

My thoughts on this are actually a bit different then yours, Santos. I do not believe that a schizophrenic or a sociopath are the results of an abusive childhood. There have been many cases where the sociopath has come from a good home with loving parents and siblings. This theory generally comes from the fact that the few who are ever caught and convicted for their crimes tell anyone who will listen that they were abused.

They won't accept blame for anything and everything is always someone else's fault. They're a piece of work.

One of the easiest ways to remove a sociopath from the family is to let them know you are on to them. Let them know that you are well aware that they are manipulative, arrogant, aren't capable of a single positive human emotion. It infuriates them to think that some common person could actually understand such a supreme being.


06/02/2010 09:08 AM
santos63
santos63  
Posts: 2524
Senior Member

I'm not saying that abusive childhoods are the only way one becomes mentally ill. But in my experience with my family, it heavily influenced the out come- 6 out of 7 children in an abusive home turning out to have mental health issues? I definitely believe there is a correlation. But I also believe certain mental illnesses are induced by the chemicals in the brain. It is well documented in the DSM-IV-TR that both Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia that persons with the conditions, their family members have a higher risk of having them than the general population.

For Schizophrenia, pg 309, for Bipolar, pg 395.

There are many different mental illnesses, and I agree that they do not all occur from having an abusive childhood. But a bad childhood can cause some mental illnesses.

But our main focus here is not all of the other mental illneses, our focus in the group is APD. Both my mother and son have APD.


06/05/2010 07:42 PM
growinupinfl
 
Posts: 4
New Member

How does the family survive.. Unless they actually kill us we just do. Yesterday my sneaking suspicion that my mother was a sociopath was confirmed by a neuropsychologist. The neuropsych told us and put it in her chart just told her she needs to learn to cope with her anger, and gave her a counselors number. He spent more time talking with me and my sisters. Informing us that there is no magic pill or easy answer, and told us to make sure we keep her at an arms distance and live our lives in spite of her.

For years me and my sisters have been pitted against each other by our mother. She finally pushed her attention seeking me first all about me and if it is not about me it gets violent to far and was finally caught by medical professionals after years of manipulating everyone. We always knew something was not right, and that she lied all the time on everyone. I am not looking for help in dealing with the past we have all had a bunch of counseling and realize we will always be angry with her for the past and it is ok. Did she endanger us, multiple times, screw us up in the head as much as possible and blame everything on us yes. I'm sure over time I will reveal more of what it is like growing up with a mother with "cluster B" personality disorder. Which includes anti-social, sociopathic histronic behaviors but no one told her we asked the dr not to fearing the lashing out that would come next! But right now is information. Me and my sisters are not just going to kick her to the curb. But we need tools of how to deal with her. How can we contain her yet help her, we do not want to be as cold and callous as she was to us. We also want to confront her at some point to let her know that we are onto her mess. We are currently recording conversations with her and staying in close contact with her. The neuropsych wants us to gather information, because she does need to have someone in charge of her. But he told us since this is the first time we have really got neuropsych involved we need more evidence that she is a danger to herself and others. It is so hard to find info for family support of the antisocial histronic sociopath. And if anyone wonders I am REALLY GLAD they are rare and females even rarer..

Christal

http://merck.com/mmhe/sec07/ch105/ch105a.html


06/05/2010 09:56 PM
Tommy100
Tommy100  
Posts: 903
Senior Member

Hi Christal, Thanks for being here with us.

It is good that you are recording conversations as proof of what you are going through. And it would be even more helpful to get a video.

Both the recording and Video need to be done in such a way that they cannot be disputed in court. This is extremely important if she gets a lawyer.

I am sorry that life has given you and your family such a bitter blow.

At the end of all the information gathering, you and your sisters will have a really difficult decision to make.

What to do with her, because she will never stop the manipulation and as she gets older and weaker it would be easier to pull her family down.

She will fight treatment tooth and nail, using any trick to get out of it. If that route is taken, let it be done in a institution where she can manipulate trained people.

Personally, there is only one way move away from her or move her away from you.

Are there sufficient funds to have her institutionalized? Say from a pension? The courts can be used to give you and your sisters control of the funds, if she has not used them up.

Then do not under any condition go and visit, you will come out extremely traumatised.

It is a sorry day when the care giver is the care taker.

Unfortunately you and your sisters will have to be very hard, that`s the only way to survive.

Santos will be on later, PM us any time and we will get back the moment we are online.

HUGS from our side.

Tom

Post edited by: Tommy100, at: 06/05/2010 10:12 PM


06/06/2010 01:39 AM
growinupinfl
 
Posts: 4
New Member

No it is not as hard of a decision for us to make. We are actually gathering evidence so the next time she take medicine to cause symptoms for sympathy, breaks her own bones, tries to have us arrested or one of her other crazy stunts we plan on trying to get the state to take custody of her. My mother always spent money as fast as it came in mainly to support the shopping and buying stuff to create her surface life. She has been mooching off the system and others for years. She does things to create crazy illnesses and has recently taken to taking just enough medicine to cause hospitalization then claims she didn't know she had taken extra. We have video taped her talking to everyone fine, then making herself vomit soon as we leave the room. Kind of like a Munchhausen's but it encompasses a heck of a lot more than hospital addiction. She is addicted to pain meds. And right now with the road that she is on we are afraid if the state doesn't take control of her she will kill herself in her attention seeking behavior. So Our only goal right now is to protect our grandmother, each other and her from herself. I personally think a nice long stint in a lock down facility might help. She won't develop a conscious but will learn if I act this way I loose my freedom. If anyone knows of any other support groups, or information for me and my sisters I would greatly appreciate it. Do ya think there is a sociopath loved ones annonymus? LOL

If I make off color, rude and pretty much socially unacceptable statements regarding certain mental health issues please realize I am normally supportive of people with mental health but right now I'm pissed, I'm pissed at the system, that has ignored all the warning signs forever. When I make those horrible off color comments with a LOL afterward, please realize they are sarcasm because if I don't laugh right now I'm afraid I might cry at how absurdly abnormal our lives were that she convinced us was normal.

Christal


06/06/2010 02:04 AM
Tommy100
Tommy100  
Posts: 903
Senior Member

Christal This forum group is a place where "damaged" people can come and discuss with each other, help each other understand their lives and the impact that they have had from a sociopath.

It is understandable that with the stress you and your family have lived with that there will be the effect of Post Traumatic Stress, and we will not sensor the effects thereof unless it is a bit too far.

I repeat what I wrote, do not try and rehabilitate. You and your family will lose It is known that sociopaths cannot be rehabilitated they will just act a role to get out of the situation.

Wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Antisocial_personality_disorder

More:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy

"It has been shown that punishment and behavior modification techniques do not improve the behaviour of psychopaths. Psychopathic individuals have been regularly observed to become more cunning and better able to hide their behaviour. It has been suggested that traditional therapeutic approaches actually make psychopaths more adept at manipulating others and concealing their behaviour. They are generally considered to be not only incurable but also untreatable."

Not the best of references but a good indicator.

Do not mess with a "professional"

I am so sorry you all have this in your lives. BUT! You are older and wiser, use the systems that are there to the max.

Because many doctors will not get involved in this matter, as it is hard to prove.

Hugs you all.

Tommy


06/06/2010 09:25 AM
santos63
santos63  
Posts: 2524
Senior Member

Hi Christal,

My name is Ana, and both my mother and my son Have an Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). We have a some information here on our Group in the stickies, describing Antisocial Personality Disorder, The "stickies" have push pins in front of the post. These are in the general section of the group.

I would agree with Tommy, documentation may help. How old is your mother?

Personally, if you can manage to get your mother into a car, I would simply take her to your state's Mental Hospital Facility following her taking too much medication. This in itself is documentation that she is a threat to herself. When you present to the State Hospital, explain her behaviours because she has repeatedly taken overdoses, and you can no longer care for her due to her APD, and I would ask the people at the hospital if they know of a support group for families who have been damaged by APD.

Just an FYI, when you have been separated physically and emotionally, from your mother , you can heal and forgive. When you are healing and forgiving, and this process takes many years, being pissed off does pass, and you will be tempted to feel sorry for your mom again, but you need to always keep her at arms length both physically and emotionally, you will never be safe from her, even if she is lying on her death bed. I would make it known at the hospital that you will be unavailable to resume care for her at any time both you and your sister.

There was a time that, a very long time, that I hated my mother-all through my 20's. I no longer hate her, but live 2000 miles away from her. I do talk to her, and know to let 99% of what she says go in one ear and out the other, due to the lies. I continue to have no contact with my son. He has made violent threats against both me and my hubby. So, I will not allow any contact at all with him. It is very difficult as I feel guilty, but it is necessary for my mental health to keep those 2000 miles and just as much emotional distance.

Just fyi though, You only have to prove that she is a danger to herself or someone else, to have your mother committed to a psych ward in any hospital that has psych facilities. I recommend the state facility though, because of funding. They take people without funding and try to set up state funding. Proving she is a threat can be as simple as a threat of suicide or to hurt someone else. If she threatens anyone, ask her how she is going to do hurt someone, (by what means).

Feel free to post as much and as often as you wish. We are here. And It has been my experience, that people with APD, do not "learn lessons", they may "fake it", but the learning does not take place, they will never stop with their behaviours.

Post edited by: santos63, at: 06/06/2010 09:30 AM


06/06/2010 09:43 AM
santos63
santos63  
Posts: 2524
Senior Member

Hi Christal, I just wanted to make sure you are clear, very clear when you have your mother committed, Make sure they are aware that you are unavailable even for transporting your mother. When you have her committed, she is going to be madder than an old wet hen, and she is going to lash out in the dirtiest manner she can think of. Those with APD do not fight fair. Your only way to start healing is to sever all ties until you are in a place, that you can let crap like that not affect you any more, this process takes many years. But just knowing right up front that she has a disorder and get educated about it, will help you.

Post edited by: santos63, at: 06/06/2010 09:44 AM

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved