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03/15/2012 03:21 PM

Share Your story

2fargone
2fargone  
Posts: 7
New Member

Before I tell you my story I want it to be know why I started your discussion. Below I would like those who are comfortable to share your story because I and I'm sure other would like to know, to know they're not alone and to help. So please feel free to leave your story below. I've put this up on the other eating disorder support groups too.

thanks, 2fargone

So my story starts in 5th grade. I started to cut myself and I was had anorexia. I hated myself. Then, and I'll be honest I'm only in 6th grade but don't underestimate, this year I became bulimic also. I choose not to eat and in situations where I had to eat I threw it up. My father hates fat people, says they're disgusting, that they'll never find love. I know it's not true but it hurts. He called be ugly, fat, disgusting, useless, dumb, every name under the sun and he doesn't see what he's doing to me. It hurts it really does.

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03/16/2012 02:21 AM
mem4809

Thanks for starting this link--for some people it may be too much of a trigger to respond by telling their story. I did respond under the anorexic group to you and also to another discussion about your situation. I feel so badly for you--no offence but I want to give your dad a good kick in the a--. Sorry, people like that just make me MAD!!!! I wanted to be a Psyhologist at one point but am glad that didn't work out as I could not reserve my anger--I wanted to work with abused children...anyway I think your father is verbally abusing you. Is your mother around?

03/16/2012 09:10 AM
claredoll77
claredoll77  
Posts: 825
Group Leader

I agree with Janna that this is a difficult topic for people. However we actually did have a thread on this semi-recently and I posted my AN history in it if you are interested (a few other folks graciously participated as well). Here is a link to it if you are interested:

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/anorexia-nervosa- discussions/general-support/3325239-where-did-the-ed-begin- for-you#3328749

Post edited by: claredoll77, at: 03/16/2012 05:39 PM


03/16/2012 10:48 AM
2fargone
2fargone  
Posts: 7
New Member

He treats my mom the same her eating disorder is different than mine. She hinges whenever she feels sad which makes my dad treat her worse than how he treats me.

Post edited by: 2fargone, at: 03/16/2012 10:49 AM


03/16/2012 11:29 AM
mem4809

I think she should throw him out! Call social services on him! It's abuse and it's deeply affected your lives in an unhealthy, possibly irreversible way. Maybe you can give me your address and I'll give it to him myself!!! Sorry but just one or two comments about being fat set me off and i will never forget them. I wish I could help more. But do try to counter the thoughts in your head with positive ones and really try to see how ill your father is to be so abusive this way.

04/25/2012 08:06 AM
AsianGoddess

I share your pain and your story. My older sister was never obese, she was a little chunky and a little bit over-weight but not ugly or scary looking at all. Certainly not fat enough to be a contestant on the Biggest Loser. But my mom built that story in our heads. If you want to get married, you need to be thin because thin is beautiful. She really did a number on my sister's self-esteem and mine. I became obsessed with my weight. I drew up a picture of what "being perfectly thin" looked like when I was about in the fifth/sixth grade. I thought my thighs were normal looking if I could touch the tip of the fingers from both hands around them. I thought I was healthy if I never went passed 100 pounds - ever. I would start to not eat breakfast, skip lunch and eat only snacks now and then and dinner. My mom would try to get me to eat because she noticed that I was looking unhealthy, yet at the same time, she held up my weight for my older sister to emulate giving both of us mixed signals.

And I believed the story she weaved. It became a belief system. I thought all my "self-made rules about weight" were right, I had strong feeling and commitment to them and so I behaved accordingly because I thought I was thinking rationally and correctly.

I don't know why people don't get how powerful their words are and how they can hurt the ones they love without intending to. Your father and my mom had their own ideas about the world and they imposed those belief systems not knowing and understanding the ill effects and errors of their ways. They could be projecting because they struggled with their weight and were ridiculed, they could have their own delusions that they are passing on to others because they think their thoughts are rational and correct. It's a mistake and they are human.

The only way you can move pass this is to process forgiveness. Your father and my mom were wrong and said harmful and set unhealthy standards for us but they did not know what they are doing. It doesn't justify what they did, but it helps us extend and offer understanding and love. Especially when so many times, I said something or did something that hurt somebody else because I too did not understand the consequences of my actions or know what I was doing.

The next step is you need to stop believing these faulty belief systems, these lies, these distortions and these delusions. You need to learn to stop accepting them as truth because they aren't. Tell yourself to trust your instincts. Believe that life is not about counting calories, gaining weight or losing weight. It is not healthy for life to revolve around that. Believe that life is about being healthy. Talk to a nutritionist, a dietitian, your doctor, your therapist, an athlete and/or a physical trainer to get the correct information on how to be healthy.

Changing your thought require new information and a new set of belief systems. Change your thoughts and be committed to them regardless of how you feel and eventually, you will act according to what you believe because your thoughts will affect how you feel. When you're healthy, you usually feel good about yourself, and tend to want to have that "good feeling" always.

Learn to question what your parents say - they are human and they make mistakes. They're not perfect. They are no more perfect than we are. Learn to think for yourself and don't let people think for you. Beauty is not dependent on how you weigh, it is dependent on who you are as a person. And we're beautiful people just the way we are!

Post edited by: AsianGoddess, at: 04/25/2012 08:09 AM


07/28/2012 12:49 AM
PianoSoul
Posts: 2
New Member

This is gonna end up long and rambling, but I need to get it off my chest, and I really hope it helps people who have gone through the same thing/s.

So, my depression started when I was about six years old. The main reasons were my parents' alcoholism and constant fighting. I also was quite the misfit, and honestly I don't understand why. Kids just didn't want to be friends with me. I cant even remember a time before about 14 when I felt anything but hate for myself. I was overweight for most of my childhood. When I was 13, I finally decided to do something about it. I was afraid i would never be skinny.

I ate as little as possible and would jog at least every other day. I was very good at hiding and lying, I've been lying about being okay since a very young age. I'm practically an expert at that.

I was also a cutter when I was 13-16. (I'm now 17).

Anyway, I started learning I wasn't such a bad person when my two best friends walked into my life. For the first time, I was able to tell my secrets to someone, able to vent my emotions. However, I kept cutting and my ED a secret from even them (Going to my mom is way too hard. I love her, and I mostly trust her now, but she's never exactly been a model parent). But, these two friends began to make me realize I deserved to be happy. It just took a very long time for that to truly sink in. I had good days and bad days from 14-15. I hated myself sometimes, started to love myself other times.

When I was sixteen, I met my first real boyfriend. We will just say he was a very selfish person and did nothing for my self-esteem. I thought I loved him, though, and when he broke up with me, I went back into a depression and cut myself ever deeper. Also "forgot to eat." Fortunately, I met another friend around this time, the most loving, understanding person I know. He's now my best friend and lover.

The best thing about a truly loving, healthy relationship is being able to realize that you are as amazing as this person is. You can express every facet of your personality and know you will not be judged. He loves me for who I am and my authenticity, and I love him for the same reasons. For the first time, he helped me to allow myself to be completely, totally happy. Never, ever settle for a partner who does anything less than that. But always remember you are only worth what you put into a relationship. Also, he helped me find happiness within MYSELF, I just had to find it. He didnt exactly rush in and save the damsel in distress; I still had to do most of the work.

Unfortunately, recently I've been at the edge of relapse. I gained a little weight because I was no longer restricting myself, but I feel like I was eating normally/healthily. I don't think I will relapse though, because I know I am stronger than that now. I've gone through a lot already and I don't want to put myself or those who care for me through anything else. I want to find the true beauty of life, and I won't find that through starving myself or making scars. I matter - YOU matter - and we're all beautiful in our unique ways. I'm tired of trying to be perfect, yet perfection only truly exists within imperfection.

You, me, everyone, we are all beautifully perfect imperfections. Smile

Thank you, whoever is reading, and don't forget that you are wonderful and if you haven't felt loved today... I LOVE YOU. Stay strong <3

PS sorry for the disjointed rant haha. :3


07/28/2012 02:24 AM
mem4809

Wow! Thank you for sharing such a heart wrenching yet very inspiring story with us. I am so happy to hear that you have found someone to help you love yourself. My husband has done the same for me yet I am still preoccupied with weight--but am in therapy. I don't think I'd be here today without his unconditional love. You are so kind and thoughtful to come here and inspire us!

Thank you, I am taking everything you say to heart! I also believe that imperfection is the only true perfection...it has taken me years to realize that but it is so true.

Many Hugs!

Janna


07/29/2012 01:49 AM
PianoSoul
Posts: 2
New Member

Thanks for your kind words Smile It is hard to stop being preoccupied with weight and calories; I still am too, sometimes. But we're learning and trying our best and that's what I think life is about Smile

I know I'd be in a very bad place if my boyfriend had never come along, he's a very rare and caring individual. Im glad you have your husband and therapy.. Reading things online also helps me, and so does my music. I know I'll be better one day but always just try to remind myself that the worst is over now Smile


07/29/2012 02:41 AM
mem4809

Smile
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