Anorexia Nervosa Support Group

I came wicked close to ending up in the ED hospital again. I got weighed at the Dr's in a gown. Within minutes, my Dr. called my psychiatrist, who called my therapist, my psychiatrist immediately left a message on my machine to go to the ED hospital, but I could see my therapist the next day before I go.

I was out all day and picked up the message that night. I immediately wrote a letter to my therapist stating that going to the ED hospital was a bad idea, and that I wanted to do it all outpatient. The next day, I saw my therapist. The letter worked.

I am terrified to gain weight, but now, finally, I have to, as it is a requirement to stay out of the hospital. I have to gain by Monday and prove that I can do this without the hospital. I am determined to gain a whole bunch of weight (I have set lofty goal considering I am anorexic--never mind how much) by Monday. My blood work also has to improve, so I am taking the most powerful vitamins I can find at the store.

Admittedly, I am not doing this for myself. I am doing it to stay out of the hospital. But isn't that doing it for myself? Isn't that doing it because I care about my dog and keeping her with me (instead of being boarded) so I can care for her? Isn't staying out of the hospital caring for myself, because I am staying out of slavery and an inhumane environment where my body was assaulted and horrified me in more ways than I can count--and staying home and doing it the gentler, healthier (and less expensive) way? And don't people with anorexia first do it for another, like, say, their therapist or their friends or their family, because they don't want to die and abandon their families an friends, and then, gradually, do it for themselves? Tell me if I'm totally off base here. I don't think I am.

I hope to keep on gaining. I hope I don't have to gain a wicked whole lot of weight (I come from Boston and we say "wicked" a lot). I hope they will not make me gain as fast as they made me gain at the hospital, because it made my bad knee hurt from rapid weight gain. It's like carrying a knapsack around 24/7.

I am eating healthy food, not the junk food they made us eat at the hospital. I will not mention what they made us eat, because I don't want to trigger anyone, but it was bad junk food, the kinds of things doctors recommend their patients stay away from. I am eating food I like, seasoned to my liking. Fruits are ripened properly, and nothing is overcooked or dry. Sure, I have goofed a few times. I'm learning! It's been about two years since I've cooked anything.

I am so proud of myself.

I don't mean to say scary things about the hospital, or to discourage anyone from seeking inpatient care. That was just how I saw it. It wasn't for me. Inpatient does help most people, and most people get an incredible amount of benefit from it. Just ask people here who have been there.

Hope it works out for Julie! Good luck!

Hey Julie,

As I said in a message to you, I am so proud of you for taking these steps!! I know it's really difficult, but I also know you can do this. You will get through this, and we are all here to support you along the way.

When I was first recovering, I did it for my ex-fiance. He seemed pretty worried about me. I did it for him and for the friends who loved me. Eventually, I did do it for myself, so yes, I do think that some people start to recover for others first. If it helps at all, I care about you, and I would like to see you eat and be healthy. You can become healthy for Puzzle and your friends who love and care about you. I know that you will come to a place where you will eventually do it for yourself.

Please message me if you need support or anything else. I'm here for you!

Hugs,

Sierra