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12/30/2010 12:17 PM

NEW DIAGNOSIS 12/30/10

jstsIm
jstsIm  
Posts: 7262
Group Leader

I had an appointment with my Pdoc this morning. We went over our alloted time by over 30 minutes. We talked about all of the things that have happened over the last 3 weeks or so. My abuse of my meds, the trip to the hospital, what that stupid docrtor there said.

We talked about my property being stolen, people who say they are friends who let others steal from me and probably do so themselves! We talked about anger and fear. We talked about my children rejecting me, my lack of intrest in the outside world.

We also talked about my illegal drug use and cutting. We talked about past health issues and chemotherapy, a topic we have talked about many times.

Again he changed my meds. Dropped the prozac, and doubled the xanax and Ritalin. I hove only been taking the xanax when stressed or going out, but he wants me to take them every day 4 times a day and the Ritalin in 2 doses a day.

He re read his notes, nd said to me, Reba this is not Mental Illness, this is Organic Brain Syndrome. It was caused by cheno therapy, and unfortunately the damage is permenant. Medications can and will help with issues and problems you are having, but only up to a point. Therapy can help too, and is I might add, even if it only helps me figure out when things in my life happened.

Funny how much better I feel. Relieved in some way to know why things don't seen to get and stay better. I am nnot a nut case after all. Now someone has listened..

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12/30/2010 03:47 PM
patty777

Im listening..and I'm happy you found some answers..Much love, Patty

12/30/2010 06:25 PM
mem8445

Oh Reba what a weight off your shoulders to know what is really going on.....

12/30/2010 07:15 PM
jstsIm
jstsIm  
Posts: 7262
Group Leader

Ya know what, it doesn't change anything, it won't smooth my path, remove obstacles, take away the pain of abuse and hurt, but somehow it does help. I've been told so many different things, with each doctor or therapist a new diagnosis, a new prognosis. Everything will be fine once you get thru these hurdles. It just isn't going to be that way...for some reason, I can accept that. No magic pill, no strength of will, no sticking it out thru the tough times, feeling guilty, for being sick. Yes I'm still sick, still injured, still broken and a little onfused, and yes I also feel like the weight of the world had been lifted from me!

12/31/2010 06:13 AM
sifted
sifted  
Posts: 917
Senior Member

I once watched a reporter ask a Hatian woman what was keeping her going, she had just lost all her kids and grandkids to the quake and destruction. She said "I am not angry, I accept this, I have faith and I submit to this." Wow, she was humbled to the point of accepting whatever life threw at her, that was a strong woman, there is strength in humility. "they who exalt themselves will be humbled and they who humble themselves will be exaulted", she was living these words and was a beautifull example of this. Just thought I would share this with you.

12/31/2010 11:01 AM
jstsIm
jstsIm  
Posts: 7262
Group Leader

That was a beautiful post, one I am going to keep! Thank you sifted for your kindness and wisdome. You have helped me so much, with the words you write, reading them imprints them often on my heart!

01/02/2011 09:35 AM
jstsIm
jstsIm  
Posts: 7262
Group Leader

I was ust watching Joel Olstiene, excuse my mis-spelling! I do not pretend to be Christian in the religious sense, altho I do believe that Christ is my savior and more... that his is also my brother! I have a sort of eclectic and personal beliefe ,, incorperating many thruths from my native american roots, to Buddhism , to Islam , even to the old stories from the Tora, I have read them all over an thru the years, I am by no means an expert in any of them, but I do know trueth when I hear it. My friend Melissa is a Christian, she is also Native American, We disucss religion and the roots of our people very often! She was telling me there is a group of Native Americans who meet regularly for Bible study, No not the King James or the NIV but a Bible written many years ago for NA's, to understand the principles and meaning of a world so different than their own. Bibles were also writen for Native peoples of Alaska and Pacific Isle peoples. Anyway, we are going to find a way to attend. This NA group also incorperates their own spiritual expressions and ways, medicine drummers and dances, Like the Isrealite of old, to show their joy in the Lord! I am very excited! I love the ways of The People, and the groundedness of their ways. Iam currious. I have attended powwows most of my life, but these are not the kind that are open to all people, but for blessings of the dead, and the newborn, for the rights and passage of boys into manhood, the transition of girls into women. Ways of the people separate from religion. These meetings of the people bring peace to my troubled and confused spirit, and somehow let me see who I am.

End of book! I'll let you know what I find there!

HUGS AN A TICKLE,

Reba


01/02/2011 12:13 PM
patty777

Reba..I'm so proud of you!! Sounds like you will be in good hands..you will help them as you will get help..Very Happy for you.my Peace Dove to show you the way, been with me plenty of years...for you my sister, my friend peaceful dove
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