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03/03/2011 05:14 PM

New to anger group

draco2317

I am going to keep this short. My name is Stephen. I'm 33 father of 4 with my wife of 7 years. I have bipolar, and an apparent anger issues. Looking for support, a new perspective and better coping methods.
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03/03/2011 08:19 PM
myocd
myocd  
Posts: 465
Member

Hi Stephen,

Hope you find what you want soon!

Welcome to the group!


03/03/2011 08:59 PM
draco2317

Thank you, I noticed myself having a bout of anger while I was writing the previous post. I was able to recognize it and calm down a little. It is a good start. I know I'm going to have a long road to recovery.

03/04/2011 03:40 AM
mem8445

Hi Draco2317; What exactly is making you angery? I would say having 4 kids would probably make me a little upset. But you also mentioned being bipolar?

I raised stepchildren so I know the anger that goes with that however you have come here for help so please let us know what is going on so we can pin point where your issues with anger are coming from.

I was only joking about 4 kids but I just had two and that almost put me in prison.....

I was angery for yrs even after they left LOL!!!

But let us know so we can help you and welcome.


03/04/2011 09:13 AM
draco2317

It is hard for me to pinpoint exactly what is making me angry. I can tell you things that trigger anger such as stupid people, my wife, my kids, people who are overly verbose to name a few. I even anger myself with how I react to certain situations. It's a lot of things that get me angry, I'd be hear for weeks if I made a list.

03/04/2011 10:37 AM
jstsIm
jstsIm  
Posts: 7262
Group Leader

Hi Stephen! My name is Reba, and my outlook on anger is very different from most of the group...Having said that, I believe, anger is a secondary emotion, or feeling, maybe not an emotion at all in all cases. It is a reaction to what we personally are hurt by, physicially or emotionally, things like betrayal, infidelity, our person boundries and limits dismissed or violated. Misunderstandings and mis communication and and does turn to anger, if we do not deal with the issues hen they arises. Anger is a self protection mechinism we all have! It is healthy, as long as we come back to the orriginal issue. Also knowing that all things are not fair, that justice is not always forth comming, even that our own feelings can and are often procieved by others as selfish and their needs are not being met. Talking, facing old wounds and dealing with them helps us see the things that come up today in a new and different light.

I myself am here to learn how to be angry. And I am! But the truth is, I feel volitile, like I'm going to reach out and TOUCH someone. That is not productive! I want this feeling, to empower me, to allow me to find my voice, to find an acceptable way of expression that will help me and harm no one in the process.

So far, it is eluding me, I lash out when provoked, I feel hostile and out of balance.

It's all part of the learning process, too bad I didn't learn it 50 years ago! LOL

Welcome Steve, to the group, and remember the words you said above

" I even anger myself with how I react to certain situations". It's hard work, but you CAN change how you react. Be kind to yourself, don't overthink the issue, talk about it when you are calm,

Hang in there Darlin" you are not alone!

Reba


03/04/2011 11:09 AM
draco2317

Thank you Reba, I enjoyed reading your response. The way I grew up I believe has help dicate part of my failure to know how to successfully handle anger. Throw on top of that I am an at least third generation bi-polar, the situation is hard to deal with. I am going threw a lot of things and I see a therapist twice a week, hoping to resolve this issues. Im on day 5 of taking lithium and I have not really seen any difference yet. The problem I have with anger is I, frequently, do not know I am angery, until after the fact. I actually screamed at my case manager for something that wasn't her fault. I wasnt screaming "at her" but more to her about something my Pdoc had said for her to pass on to me. I thought everything was fine until I got back to my bedroom and my wife asked who I was screaming at. I didn't notice that i was doing anything wrong, i thought my case manager was overreacting.

03/04/2011 11:11 AM
mem8445

So you don't sound any different than the rest of us here which is not funny but in a way it is.

When I was reading your reasons I had to stop and think to myself how many of those same issues piss me off!!

My real problem is if someone raises their voice in anger towards me and I try to tell them they deny it.

Anyone that raises their voice in anger will trigger me into a panic attack so fast!!!!

I grew up being screamed and hollered at all my young life!!

What a surprise I had when I finally moved away from all that to find peace living alone!!!

There are many things that trigger my anger and like Reba stated it can be just from someone over stepping my boundries!! Being betrayed!! Lied to!! Put down or being judged will set me off.

When you learn to recognize what is really making you mad then you can work on one thing at a time!!!

I know it sounds hard but believe it can be done.

However you did say your Bipolar so that may factor into it also I can't really say but just keep coming here and we'll get you through it one day at a time.Tongue

Post edited by: Fidgetgirl, at: 03/04/2011 11:33 AM


03/04/2011 11:52 AM
draco2317

The interesting thing is the weirdest things set me off on a "rampage". As I stated I am married, but anytime i see a beautiful woman with a guy, it makes my blood boil. I don't know why, but it does. I get angry when I feel like life is unfair (even though logic states that life is unfair) I get angry when im not being listened to, if im being ignored, etc. I have two responses when I feel angry, be defensive and yell or go to sleep. Neither one of those are healthy options. Confrontations too send me into a panic attack, unless im at my breaking point. It gets so bad that even watching a confontation on tv, I either have to change the channel, turn my head or if its really bad leave the room. I too grew up in a house full of yelling every single day of my life. The only times that I didn't hear it was when my dad or mom were not home. If they were both gone, I would not hear yelling as much, but I would fear for my mom having to deal with the yelling and or violence by herself. I do not want my kids to feel about me that i feel about my dad and to a lesser extent my mom.

03/04/2011 01:38 PM
mem8445

I'm so understanding of your issues and did you know we also have a wonderful support group here for PTSD "post tramatic stress disorder"

I have other issues with seeing other couples but it when they have beautiful children tagging along with them and that was taken away from me many yrs ago so have anger from that as well. My husband never told me that we would not be having children together as he already has two and didn't want to start over again. So selfish!!! It's all I ever wanted was to be a mother and have my own child.

Had we discussed this before marriage we would not be married today!!!

Now all my childhood friends have kids and now grandchildren as well.

I can't bare to even be around any of them as that is all they can talk about and I understand that but it hurts to hear it anyway.

I hold such resentment against my husband for not being truthful with me as I talked about wanting to have children but he never once mentioned that would not be happening for us if we ever were to marry.

Well it's been over 30 yrs and you can imagine the hurt and pain I go through not being part of anything or anyone's life as I was not allowed to have children.

I bring lots of animals home (rescues)and he gets his nose out of whack time after time but we are down to two cats now and he has spoken that when they go there will not be anymore animals.

Little does he know there will no longer be a housewife here either.

I'm a woman and women need that whatever you want to call it thing that makes us feel complete......

My husband is now 70 and I'm in my late 50's so no adoptions either!!!!

Your anger is justified as you see a man who is happy(or so you think)and I'm not sure why you feel that way for sure but that's my take on the whole thing.

Is your marriage stable? Are the children yours? Do you feel like your missing out on something and nobody cares what you want or will listen?

That's my issue for sure(nobody ever listens to me)

I've become almost mute when it comes to stating my needs and wants and it builds up till I have what I call a psychotic episode and then they hear me!!!Why is that?

So don't feel like your alone when it comes to being ignored or just plain not noticed.

But we both have to learn how to speak softly and state what it is we need but that has not been working huh? Me either.

I hope that both of us come to some conclusion as to how to manage our rage(that's what I call it anyway) So just stick with us and maybe one of us will have a light bulb go off over our heads LOL!!!

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