Anger Management Support Group

Hi! I'm new to this and don't know if I'm in the right place as I'm the spouse of a husband who has alcoholism, anxiety, and anger management issues. He has been sober for 3+ yrs (he has to be or the medical state board would suspend his license; mandatory random drug testing), but the only way he knows how to "cope" is by yelling. Fortunately, I guess, he is not physically abusive towards my family or myself.

He yells, and it frightens my 3 1/2 yr old who goes up to him "daddy, please stop yelling, you're scaring me" (even if the TV is the thing being yelled at during hockey and football games.) He took out his anger at my 3 1/2 y/o on Sunday after going to an ice show, and like a typical 3 1/2 y/o, she wanted us to buy something while we were leaving and had a temper tantrum. Then sat on his sunglasses, yelled at me, and blamed me. Then does the dog and pony act of "oh, I'm so sorry, I love you and the kids." Ugh.

So, I'm a mom and wife, trying to walk a tightrope around my husband while dealing with attemping to keep my children from yelling and thinking it is a normal way to communicate.

That's me, in a nutshell.

It is so hard to give advice for these things and honestly all I can do is make sugjestions and tell you to follow your own heart and concience!

Dealing with someone elses anger is just that, their anger! You can't control how someone else reacts or acts, which puts more pressure on us to let it go. That isn't an asnswer either, just maybe a starting point. We can control only ourselves, the way we respond to the anger, and our own anger is something we must also be aware of.

Comming here to vent is a great first step and just knowing someone feels this pain with you. Thru our dialog maybe you will come up with a new way to communicte with him, or see some way in which you can make assertions about his yelling! It doesn'ts und like it'sjust angry shouting tho, like he releases emotions in that way! Even happy emotions? Is this something that is new behavior or was it always "part" of his persona?

Party of his persona; I saw it when he was drinking before we even married, and hoped/assumed that once he was sober that the anger would go away. Boy, was I wrong. "You can drink wine, get pedicures, go out with friends, i have nothing to do." (which is a load of crap bc he works out 3-4 times a week. I can't even do that because I have a quarantined 11 mo old who cannot go outside when it's windy (hence, no jogging stroller), and cannot be in enclosed places. His behavior has lead to me having some anxiety problems, which I occasionally see taking out on my daughter (just telling her she has to go to her room, or leave me alone in my room, so I can cool down.) Ugh.

Really need to be paying bills.....how fun.

The drinking was just a symptom of the anger, I know exactly what you are saying!Anger doesn't go away, it has to be dealt with on an emotional level and changed from within us. Sometimes that can be by changing our circumstances and sometimes it isn't that easy, because it is actually part of our core beliefs and part of our personality.

I would love to send him to rehab for anger management; there's a 5 wk inpatient anger/anxiety

Program north of Phoenix. If it wouldn't take him away from and screw up his job, I'd do it. There is the fine line, though; he needs to realize himself the anger is a problem and make the decision on his own. I don't want to hand out an ultimatum. What gives-

Our own fears and anger! I don't like to be "pushy" either, but if I had spoken up before things got out of hand, would it have made a difference? I don't know...

I'm not having a good day either but it's not sommeting I have control over at this point.

I wish I could be of meore help to you! If he sees you working on your own anger issues would it make hime sit up and take notice?

I don't yell or anything of that nature....I get more passive aggressive and antagonistic to him, probably nag him too much on some things, or just withdraw and say nothing, which does nothing good for neither him nor myself, and I know that- that i know I need to change. He/we has/have no time for marriage counseling, but he sees an addiction med LCSW every other week, and an addiction med psychiatrist once a month (mandated by medical board where we live).

(ugh, and btw- just spent close to 3 hrs @ laundromat bc our stupid blanket wouldn't dry. (Lice in our house; hopefully all the bugs are killed now that the pillows have been washed/dried on extremely high heat????)

(and I understand he was drinking to repress anxiety.....now that he doesn't drink, he doesn't have extremely positive coping mechanisms, minus going to the gym 3-4 times a week, as much as his schedule permits.) At least? he is not drinking anymore as a coping mechanism for his anxiety.