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10/26/2009 10:58 PM

I have thoughts of wanting to hurt people....?

CayCayNicole
CayCayNicole  
Posts: 11
Member

I have these thoughts of wanting to hurt people. I can be totally happy one second then just fucking pissed the next. Like right now i was happy a few seconds ago but then i started thinking about my real dad and now im pissed. Right now my thought on him is I want to hurt him rely bad. I think about bashing his head threw a window, beating him with a bat, punching the shit out of him, throwing things at time, running his head threw the wall! I hate that I think of things like this, I feel like im going crazy I dont know how to stop. I want it to stop before i cant just think it any more now im getting the desire to hurt people, but at the same time i rely dont want to. I dont want to go to a doctor and tell them this because its not confidential when you want to hurt someone. What is wrong with me! Why do I think like this? Im not this kind of person! Im sweet and loving its like there another part of me that taking over who i rely am. I feel like im developing some physio disorder that had to do with anger. I just want it to stop I want to be happy and not have such evil thoughts in my head. Please after reading this dont think badly about me im a rely nice person. How do I stop this side of me from coming out. I can't talk to a therapist about it, I would get locked up in a crazy home. Sometimes I even wish people were dead I dont want to kill them but I want them dead. Im scared that with all this anger im gonna start having thoughts of wanting to kill someone.
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10/27/2009 03:40 AM
DarkestDepth
DarkestDepth  
Posts: 1030
Senior Member

I really know the feeling. I was so terrified to say anything to my therapist, but finally I couldn't keep it to myself anymore and I just told her. She was really cool about it, especially when I told her that I was so terrified that I was having these thoughts. I even told her that sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a serial killer even though I really don't want to do something so evil. But since she knew of my desire to be in police work, she understood (especially since she used to be a cop) that part of being a really good cop or detective is walking that fine line of being able to think like and get into the mind of your criminal. I had been so afraid that she would have me emergency petitioned and sent to the nearest psychiatric ward. And just like you, I'm a really nice, caring person. I'm not some psycho, I just have a mind that is capable of seeing things from the viewpoint of those who truly are sick like that. Don't think yourself a bad person for just thinking about wanting to hurt people. It's human nature. Like I said, though....I totally understand.

10/27/2009 07:58 AM
stana
Posts: 2
New Member

Well to be honest I really didn't come here to help anyone with thier problems but instead to get help with my own. Since I can actually relate to you, i thought I would throw in my 2 cents for what it's worth.

I not only have thoughts of hurting people, I have actually planned each step out and fantasized about doing it. Foprtunately for me, I am too affraid of jail to actually carry anything out... so people are safe.

God knows how hard it is for me to take my mind off of the things people have done that piss me off so I stopped trying. Instead I have tried to face those people and let them know how I felt about them (not the wanting to hurt them part) but more about the items that make me feel that way. This hasn't worked with everyone I have faced but it has with some.

Maybe if you just said your peace to your real Father it might help some. First ask him to not say a word to you until your done. Once you get it off of chest, walk away, hang up the phone, put ear plugs in but do NOT let him say anything to you that would prevent you fron getting in that last word and make sure you're completely honest about how you feel. Let him have it both barrels and some.

Let it out!


10/27/2009 01:00 PM
CayCayNicole
CayCayNicole  
Posts: 11
Member

Yeah thats also what im scared of I want to be a police officer, and they do deep back ground checks and you have to be mentally stable. I just want to stop all this before it ruins my future.

10/27/2009 01:31 PM
CayCayNicole
CayCayNicole  
Posts: 11
Member

Talking to my dad is rely scary. He wont listen to me he will yell threaten maybe even hurt me, he is rely unpredictable thats why I want to hurt him before he dose me.

01/08/2010 09:57 AM
TenaceFemme
TenaceFemme  
Posts: 517
Member

Again you are not alone. Been going through some crazy moods myself, Ill be at the store in the check out line and being nice and respectable then look back up at the person and want to rip their throat out for no reason, these are the feelings that scare me the most.I just contribute it to what I am going through and the anquish others dont seem to be having themselves.

01/12/2010 05:55 PM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
VIP Member

As long as they are just thoughts, it's ok. I get so damm angry at people and the way I have been treated by some, I feel like ripping their freakin heads off. I feel like screaming on top of a building. I feel like giving every a--whole I come across a tongue lashing. I get so angry. I never used to get so angry but I've experienced alot of injustice in a short time and I wanted the people to pay for what they did and it has not happen. I keep piling all the things up in one big lump and the anger just shoots out, when it reaches it's limit. I have not harmed a soul but I have thought and felt like it.

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 01/12/2010 05:57 PM


10/26/2012 06:31 PM
adrianabird
 
Posts: 1
New Member

hey im a new member> and for the past week or so i have been having the same thoughts about wanting to hurt people smashing people faces in just to let the anger out, im really scared and i dont know what to do. i was thinking maybe if i just cut myself and feel a little bit of the pain it will just go away. but then i think omg! thats not normal, what is wrong with me!!? i am also not this kind of person i am really sweet and help people out i just feel like im loosing control of my mind and, if i dont do something my mind might take over the rest of myself. i know what im thinking about is bad but i cant stop thinking about blood and dead people. please help

01/26/2013 03:10 PM
HereToHelp34
 
Posts: 4
New Member

I know how you feel caycaynicole. I often want to hurt people who have wronged me, even if its just silly things like making a joke which isnt really offensive, i just feel so annoyed about it. and i find i cant help resenting a person for a long time after that, though it never affects my behaviour. i often find myself talking to the same people who have wound me up later on and i dont say anything rude, i just want to say something rude back to them.

but i just have to put up with it, as there's nothing i can do about it. i am not a strong person who could beat them up, and i dont think that i would anyway, although i love really thinking about hurting them. (only people who have annoyed me though, not just random people)


01/26/2013 03:37 PM
HereToHelp34
 
Posts: 4
New Member

what i obviously meant (in the first two sentences) was that i feel angry when people make jokes about me, not about anything, just about me. and that makes me feel really annoyed. i have never lashed out as a result of this, but i feel like the only way to deal with the problem is to hurt people, because it will show them that i can stand up for myself so that they will stop doing it.

I really feel like i need help as i know this is wrong (the way im feeling) but i dont know what to do. i have never told anyone else about this. If i ever tell my parents that there is something wrong with me (though i must stress i have never told them about this) then they dismiss me as a hypochondriac (they have never said that to me but i still suspect that i what they are thinking if i tell them there is something wrong with me)i am also obsessed with the idea of killing people in front of lots of witnesses (usually this fantasy takes place in my school assembly, where lots of my peers would be watching me) often with myself as a hero, saving the assembly from a hostage situation, but often as myself being the hostage taker. i also have fantasies about having vast power and wealth, but not just so that i could live a luxurious lifestyle, but so that i could have power and importnace, something that i normally dont have.

The thing that confuses me most is how much truth there is in what i am thinking. there are two points to this:

1. I often wonder whether i would (if i could) actually do all of these horrible things that i imagine.

2. i often doubt whether i really am mentally ill or not.

My main worry is that while I live in a country that is generally not prejudiced against mental illness, I still fear that i could be sectioned (i think thats the right term) and separated from the rest of society. i would then be doomed to live out the rest of my life alone, either in a mental hospital, or outisde of one.

I am worries that if i tell my parents this then they will ( if they actually believe me) actually try to hide the condition i have, or they'll ostracise me, or they'll be angry at me.

Equally, though i am worried about what i may do if I do not get help. Eventually i might lash out.

Also of concern for me is the fact that in the country I live in (although a free, and supposedly comprehensive health service exists) I have heard that doctors are very unwilling to diagnose or prescribe treatmenr for mental illness.

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