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Anger Manage Community Anger Manage Support Forums General & Support how to overcome my anger when provoked so badly?
how to overcome my anger when provoked so badly?
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04/22/2008 07:51
agile
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Posts: 3
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 well im 25 year old.got married last june. live with my hubby and his mom. i and my hubby are fine and happy with each other. but my mother-in-law has become a source of all my problems from the very start. she is a widow, not a happy lady. she already has fights with her two other daughters-in-law who live seaprately.she back-bites them all the time but when they come she showers all her love to them.she seldom visits anywhere and perhaps wants me also not to visit anyone. as far as im concerned, im from a normal family- i have good relations with almost all my kiths and kins. im a happy person who loves people. i don't want to lead a life of seclusion. this all drive me almost crazy.

im an engineer but not working for her. i cook her meals and stay with her. but in return i just have to listen her past miseries accompanied by her anger towards all those whom she has met-- her in-laws, sons' in-laws, daughter's in-laws, neighbours etc. etc.. At times i really get upset and feel like running away but i love my hubby and dont want that to happen.

how can i overcome my anger towards her. how can i stop her from doing what she enjoys doing?

any suggestions to improve my situation?
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04/22/2008 08:01
hurtwithin

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 I have been in your situation before. I was living with my partner and his mum for a couple of months and while I was there, she completely took over my life and would tell me and him what to do. I respected it at the time because we were living under her roof. The way I got round it was to politely tell her that I appreciated what she was doing for me and my partner and kids but that I didn't need her running my life or making decisions for me. She was really angry to start with but she accepted that me and my partner needed our own space and she backed off a bit. Luckily that worked for us. I can relate completely to your situation. It is good that you get on with people and that you have good relations with your family. It all helps and I also understand the need to please your mother in law because she is your hubby's mum. You can be assertive without making it really uncomfortable. It sounds like she is really lonely, maybe help her to engage in social activities so that her mind is occupied. You will find that she won't be so involved in what you do if she had other interests. Feel free to chat to me anytime. I really do understand. I hope I was of some help.
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04/22/2008 08:42
agile
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 thank u hurtwithin! i have got ur point and will try to do the same. yes u r right she is really lonely at times and some things in her life have been actually miserable. she seems to take revenge for her bad memories.like when i got my new clothes she got annoyed saying that her daughter didn't have such clothes then how come u have them; ill burn away ur clothes and then she went into the kitchen for cooking something for her.her daughter's daughter is nearly my age;is there any need for comparison.and now her daughter is happy in her life and seldom visits her.where is my fault?she wants to avenge her past mishaps. that's why i have emphasized on overcoming my anger so that i can be more and more assertive.

u have given me the confidence. i now feel that im headed in the right direction.thanks again.i'd surely want to keep in touch with u.

take care and keep smiling
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04/22/2008 08:53
hurtwithin

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 Thanks very much and no problem. I am here for you anytime. I know it is hard sometimes and I also know that sometimes you just want to shout or smash something. There is no need for comparisons at all. That is something that she needs to tone down or if she can't do that, to respect your feelings and how much it hurts to be compared and belittled. Glad I was able to help. Just be firm with her without being rude and you will get some happiness back. Good luck,

Gemma
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04/26/2008 06:46
Glenndolph
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Posts: 716
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 Well, in the basic instructions before eternity, it suggests that a mile in their Moccasins would be helpful gaining a new perspective... and there in lies the rub... the shoes don't fit...lol However, a hug in the middle of one of her tiraids Might just supprize her enough that she might let you inside of her defenses so you can help... don't know, but it's worth a try...

Glenn

I am who I am, but I am trying to get better.
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