My husband didn't want to complain about his ALS and his rapidly losing strength in his arms, shoulders and hands.
At the same time, he wanted acknowledgement and validation for what this harrowing ride down a long tunnel is toward....Death?
That was the 800lb gorilla we never talked about in the room. I would always try to turn the conversation to us just getting the best out of the life that we have now.
So he was always still trying to be his active self, using leverage with objects in his weak hands. Or directing others to do the tasks that needed to be done.
He walked, (although he didn't want to summit hills anymore,) he talked, he laughed, he hoisted with the different muscles he could use. We still tried to dance in the kitchen, and I'd lift his one arm to embrace myself with him.
But when he tripped over the hose in the yard, he couldn't move his hands fast enough to protect his head and he had a severe neck injury and was dead twelve hours later.
I got a ride home, clutching his glasses and the change of clothes that I brought to the hospital. I knelt down in the spot and felt the grass where he lay and I held him one last time before he reached unconsciousness.
Now, I have to choose everyday to live without my Richard.
You know the part of the story when it's asked of God, "I thought you said you'd walk with me and support me through these travails, but look there's only two footprints in the sand." and God said, "those were the times that I carried you."
every time i hear you talk of the events that took place, it breaks my heart. it sounds to me that Richard was one hell of a guy and i bet you count yourself lucky to have known and loved him. I hope it is true that God is carrying you in this time of pain. always remember that even though you must go on living without the physical, he is still there in your heart and your mind. you thinking of him and speaking of him keeps him alive.
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