Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

My Grandmother passed away in 1998 at the age of 91. Her last 9 years were tragic . . . as she suffered from severe dementia and Alzheimers. I watched MY mom struggle with these personality and emotional changes in HER mom. . . . and it was heartbreaking.

Now . . . my Mother-in-Law (80 years old) is suffering from these same changes. According to her husband, the 'loss of memory' has been going on for almost two years.

It's just been in the last four months that I've gotten myself involved with her health care . . . and WOW . . . . . . . . I feel like I'm living my own Mom's experience with her Mom. It's frightening and heartbreaking and I find myself getting very angry and feeling helpless that I can't just "FIX THIS" !!

So, I'm just grateful for any information or ideas you can share !!

Sincerely,

4GudHelth

I hear you and I am going thru this with my Mom and I simply do not know what to expect... she was at home and the family recently moved her to a resident home of 11... she has started all kinds of behavior that we never experienced when she was at home. We were told she needed 24/7..but to see her go thru all of this... I feel she was better off at home but the expense of 24/7 was more than the family could handle.... I am like you it is so heartbreaking and I have not had experience before but you having to relive this has to be very frightening and heartbreaking... but I do know that you are appreciated in being there for the family members ..they need you even though you may be reliving.. showing you care and love for your family is something they will always remember and treasure. I truly wish I had someone to be there for me...

I would like to be here for you 2 !!

When you say . . .

"she has started all kinds of behavior that we never experienced when she was at home. We were told she needed 24/7... but to see her go thru all of this... I feel she was better off at home "

. . . can you describe her behavior ?? Is it paranoia, or agression or delusions? . . .

The delusions are really frightening for me . . . . my Grandmother would walk out onto her front walk (in the middle of the night) and ask a complete stranger to investigate her home because she believed she heard an intruder.

Thanks for your 'outreach' !!

4GudHelth

Thanks for your post... my Mom is a very shy quiet person and now she can be loud..agressive... will not walk....cries....always wanting to go home...does not sleep well.. sometimes does not eat well...you can almost tell she is angry but she does not know she is angry... she has been there 3 weeks... before I called her everyday but but with so much confusion she does not even have a desire to talk... all of this so painful for me... my heart is just breaking for her and the fact I am losing her more and more... on the way home from work today... all I could do is try to get home quick enough so I could just cry...so maybe this weekend there will be some progress but my Mom will never be back at Home where she found comfort and I must have shared these feelings because it hurts so bad..... so hope things are going well for you and your family. Thanks for posting

So how did it go this weekend? Any change for your Mom?

Since my family is considering a similar move for my MIL, I'm interested to know how or if the residents where your Mom is living now interact with one another. Do they talk or engage in any other activities?

Most of the facilities which we toured had most residents just watching television. My MIL doesn't watch television and never has and considering she's always wanting to get out of the house and 'go' 'go' 'go', I'm concerned that she's going to be bored and down right miserable too.

. . . and I can completely relate to the abnormally "loud and aggressive" behavior. My MIL is using language that I have NEVER heard come out of her mouth before.

Please remember that I'm thinking of you and your family and stay in touch!

PEACE !

Thanks for your caring.... the place my Mom is considered a resident home which has 11 people... they do not have a lot of activities but they do have the TV.! My Mom is not a hugh TV watcher either... part of the problem she really does not want to do anything... at one time she was a busy lady with hobbies and she did like to stay busy... but she seems to have very little interest these days, especially since she has moved.... some of the bigger assistant homes do have activities ... due to the location and cost we did not go to those homes... the trouble is sometimes they do not want to be with the "old folks" I hear that quite often. My Mom is just not adjusting and therefore any activities available she will not take part. The weekend visit was not good... she did not respond much to me.... she said she did not feel very well and it was a cloudy day... that was disappointing. It has been one thing after another since she moved.

I will tell you there is an online resource called " A Place for Mom" that finds facilities that meet what you are looking for like ...locations, cost, number of beds, etc. They do not charge you but they charge the facility. That is how we found the place that my Mom is staying...another friend had used the service and was pleased. Most areas have a couple of these services and have reps in your city that knows that area.

Hope you and your family are doing well. I am just so frustrated and feel that we have made my Mom so sad to be where she is ...no place like home... and she is not the same person that she was at home either. I just hope we did the right thing in putting in a smaller facility ..... I wish I could see a glimpse of hope that she is just a little content. not sure I ever will. We really did not have an option as she needed 24/7 but it is just sad to see her go sown so fast.

Thanks for caring... keep in touch and let me know how things are going with you guys.