Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

We moved Mama into an assisted living facility after she fell and broke her shoulder. After shoulder replacement surgery, she became forgetful, and wasn't able to find the words to say what she wanted. She couldn't remember where she put things, and couldn't remember what day of the week it was, even though I put a calendar by her bed and marked the days off every day when I visited.

I knew something was terribly wrong when she kept repeating herself over and over, and then couldn't remember my maiden name!

I reported all this to her doctor, and he diagnosed her with Alzheimer's.

She will be 86 in August. Most of the time, she is my sweet Mama, and seems to understand what I say to her. I don't want to tell her the doctor's diagnosis because I feel it will only make her more fearful, anxious, and confused. Right now, she thinks she is just suffering from "old age" forgetfulness. Is it wrong of me to keep this diagnosis from her?? I am her POA, and her oldest child.

I am so glad I found this forum. Bless all of you going through this difficult time.

Plynn

Hello Plynn and welcome to the group! I'm sorry you are having to face this horrible disease.In my opinion, I think you should tell your mom what the doctor said.It might be best to wait until she has a good day so she can understand what's happening.Gather as much information as you can and just sit down with her and try to explain it.It's good that you have POA as you will need it in the future.Make sure it is for both medical and financial.This is extremely important!

Please feel free to come here anytime you need to vent or ask questions.We are not medical doctors, but sometimes life experience teaches us more than doctors can tell. Hang in there! Hugs, Gina

Hello Plynn. I agree with Gina on just about everything, but differ only to a degree on this. Ask yourself what is to be gained by telling her, because it is not going to get better and there is nothing she can do. Since you already have POA (yes to medical and financial!) and don't need to persuade her to do something, I would tell her that serious injury accompanied by big amounts of medication often cause confusion later (this is true in the elderly). "You've been through so much with that broken shoulder, Mama, no wonder you can't remember anything." When she seems satisfied with your explanation, stop explaining. Your instinct that it will only cause more upset is right on. With Alzheimer's, listen to your instincts, ask yourself what is to be gained, and do the kindest thing for your mom, even if it is half-truths or outright fibbing. ANW

Thank you so much for your replies! I feel that it would only serve to upset her, give her something else to worry about and make her more afraid to tell her what the doctor told me. I don't want her lucid moments to be filled with worry and fear of the future.

Plynn