Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

Hi my name is ann my husband has alzheimer`s.were into our 6th year so many feelings so lonely.How do you learn patience.

Hello Ann. It's good you looked us up. Yes, having a partner with Alzheimer's can make life very lonely. We can't share life's load with them like we used to, and our load becomes even heavier with caring for them. We can also become very isolated as the years pass, because eventually most of our friends and family go on with their lives, leaving us behind with our AD cares. Hopefully this forum can help somewhat with the loneliness. We can't be there, but we can certainly write! We're glad for you to come here with you concerns and cares, because we want to help, and it helps us to talk with someone who has the same problems we have.

I'm not sure I ever learned patience Ann. I've always been a "let's get the work done and get on to something enjoyable" kind of person. As you have found by now, trying to hurry an AD patient almost always leads to further delay. Trying to be patient with the constant repetition and all the other problems associated with AD made me feel like I was going to explode with impatience! I think it was finally more like an exhausted acceptance that made me slow down, because I knew it was going to take longer and the repetitious behavior was going to increase if I tried to move things along. What particular behavior is giving you the most trouble now? Maybe we can make some suggestions if you can give us something specific to address. Welcome. ANW

Hi Ann and welcome to our group. So sorry you have to deal with AD. I think the only thing that kept me going was taking one day at a time. There is no way I could face years of AD but I could face one day and then another and then .....

Stay in touch,

Tony

Thanks everyone,well it`s sorta learn as you go.We go thru hiding wallet,things,now it`s that he forgets that he eats.How can you make them understand without getting them mad.Ann

Hello Ann, welcome to our group. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with Alzheimer's. I learned along the way caring for my husband to just put things away where he wouldn't see them if it was something I didn't want to lose. Hiding things just seems to go along with AD. As for as him forgetting that he has eaten, that is so much better than the other way around. Unless there is some health problem that makes it unsafe for him to eat often, just go ahead and let him eat small "meals" when he is hungry. As time goes on he will need any extra weight he might put on. My advice to anyone dealing with AD is to pick your battles. If it is not something that is dangerous or harmful, just go with it. Distractions will help such as getting his mind onto something he enjoys. Keep talking to us, it will help you keep your sanity. LYW

Hiding things is very common with AD. Forgetfulness seems to lead to paranoia (someone is trying to put something over on me or someone is going to steal something from me). That leads to hiding things they value in order to keep them safe. Then they can't remember that they themselves hid the item so they think someone stole it and that leads to more paranoia about people taking advantage of them. I wanted Mother to keep her dignity as long as possible, but keeping up with the billfold became such a problem that I finally took everything out of it I needed, put in a bunch of obsolete cards and a couple of dollars and just let her have it. Then she always thought she was broke, but it was better than hunting for something I had to have!

Mother went through a time of not knowing that she had eaten. Her stomach seemed to just quit giving her an "I'm full" message. I used to save dessert for later, then when she thought she hadn't eaten I would say "Oh, we had lunch, but we didn't have dessert. Let's have it now." Then we would have dessert and coffee. I also kept some hard candy, and if it wasn't long until lunch or dinner, I would say "It's not ready yet. Have a candy until I get it ready." That way she would not be too full to eat. Like you said, things change day to day, and you have to keep thinking up new solutions as new problems crop up. One thing about it, if there is some behavior you are really having a hard time with, if you can hold on for a while they will forget (and go on to another behavior you don't like. )Keep your chin up Ann. ANW