One concern is that my mother had recently stopped eating. She also has developed a severe case of diarreah which we are working to relieve. I'm hoping that the two are related and that taking care of one will help remedy the other. Any similar experiences?

I am also beginning to struggle with the hole on/ let go issue. I don't want to just let my mother starve (we tried a feeding tube and she pulled it out after two weeks), but I also don't want to disregard her own "choices" at this stage of her life. Any thoughts?

I know that each person's experience is unique and decisions are made in relation to their situation, but some objective thinking on the issues might just help me to be a little more centered through all of this.

THanks for any responses.

Charmiane

Post edited by: mainec, at: 12/18/2007 00:52

MY MOM ALSO HAD IT I TOOK CARE OF HER TILL THE END.

AT THE END STAGE MY MOM WAS BED BOUND WE HAD A HOSPITAL BED IN THE LIVING ROOM FOR HER.SH ALSO WOULD NOT EAT, THATS USUALLY WHEN THEY DO START TO GIVE UP I AM SORRY TO SAY. MY MOM HELD ON FOR THE LONGEST WHILE, DDP DOWN KNOWING MY DAD COULD NOT SURVIVE LIVING WITHOUT HER. ALTHOUGH SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT END WAS UP THEN HOWEVER DEEP IN HER HEART SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT. TILL ONE DAY I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE WATCHING HER SUFFER. SHE DEVELOPED PNEUMONIA AND WAS BROUGHT TO THE HOSPITAL. SO IT WAS WHEN I WENT TO VISIT HER FOR THE LAS T TIME, WHEN I TOLD HER AND I KNOW AT THAT POINT AND TIME SHE UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS SAYING. I MEAN FOR WEEKS THAT POOR WOMAN WAS GASPING FOR AIR EVEN WITH O2 ON. SO I JUST WHISPERD IN HER EAR, THAT IF SHE WANTED TO LET GO THAT I WOULD TAKE CARE OF DADDY, AND MIDNITE WHICH WAS HER CAT. AND THAT DADDY WOULD MEET HER IN HEAVEN IN A BIT. WELL THAT WAS ABOUT 9PM AT NITE WHEN WE LEFT THE HOSPITAL. ABOUT 2 AM THAT VERY NEXT MORNING WE HAD GOTTEN THAT DREADED PHONE CALL FROM THE HOSPITAL THAT SHE HAD DIED. SO I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE UNDERSTOOD. WHAT I HAD SAID.

BUT THEN IT WAS NOT LONG AFTER. ABOUT 6 WEEKS TO THE DAY AND HOUR THAT MY DAD ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL ONLY TO GET HIS BP MEDS REGULATED, THE NITE BEFORE HE WAS SUPPOSSED TO COME HOME WE GOT THAT SHOCKING PHONE CALL FROM THE HOSPITAL THAT MY DAD HAD DIED. OH MAN I CRIED FOR MONTHS. BUT WE ALL KNEW MEANING ALL OF US 4 GIRLS KNEW DADDY WOULD NEVER SURVIVE WITH OUT OUR MOM. BUT OF COURSE YOU REALLY DON'T BELIEVE IT. BUT NOW I AM A FIRM BELIEVER.THAT HE DIED OF A BROKEN HEART.

PS PLEASE EXCUSE MY CAPS I AM NOT YELLING. LOWER CASE LETTERS DON'T WORK WELL.

HUGS TRISH

Also - another thing about end of life - as the body shuts down, it does not need food. Ruling out all other causes for loss of appetite, sometimes we have to accept that the parent is pallitive and that as the organs shut down, they don't require calories. It is all part of the process, and actually at this point, tube feeding or forcing food causes more distress and pain than letting nature take its course.

The last meal I fed my mother was 1/2 a bite of a carrot muffin. And for the last week of her life, all her meals were like that. Not easy at all to deal with. One memory I still hold onto - she really really enjoyed that 1/2 bite! Just did not want any more.

That was such a sad story about your parents. I can't believe that they passed on so close togther. Well, as you were suggesting, your mother was having a really difficult time and letting go was probably best for her.

I hope that my mother does not progress rapidly to the late stages of AD. She is doing good now and can still pretty much do day to day functioning, with a few minor things. Do you know what the signs are from passing from the mid to late stages? Anything I should be looking out for.

Best Regards

Andrew

THere are many resources (books, websites)that list the developmental stages of Alzheimers. I found them helpful in understanding what was going on at different times.

It sounds as if you are close to your mother. Treasure each moment - those memories will last a lifetime.

Charmaine

THanks for your comments and support. My mom was in her last days when I wrote the first message; she passed away on Dec. 26 after a week in the hospital. Many of your comments were right on target and I appreciated hearing from each of you.

My mom was obviously shutting down by not wanting to eat, not being able to digest the food (diahreah)and slowly slipping away. It was a very difficult decision for me to make concerning her feeding. Finally I agreed to have all nutrition withheld and she passed away two days later. THe interesting thing though is that she struggled until my dad came to the hospital to see her. He is fighting multiple myeloma (blood cancer) and is on chemo treatment. His doctor recommended that he not go to the hospital since his immune system was pretty much wiped out from the chemo. Anyway, when he arrived, she held his hand, looked into his eyes, and smiled at him. THen when my dad left to eat something, I told my mom that she could go to be with her mother and her sister and I would take care of dad. She died about an hour later, when my sister and I went to the cafeteria to meet my dad and brother to get something to eat. She also waited until we were not there (only my niece who is a nurse was there) to finally leave.

Of course, it was very sad, but I was sooooo grateful that we didn't have a really prolonged end, and that for the most part, her leaving was not painful.

After four years of helping my father and mother (I moved next door to them to help out. After my mother broke her hip 5 years ago, I quit work and became their fulltime caretaker) I find getting back into a work routine again to be somewhat difficult. Luckily, I've been able to find a part-time position so that my own transition is more gradual. It's also given me time for grieving, and for taking care of my father.

So to each of you, again thanks for your words of support. So many are just beginning to experience the process of letting go. My thoughts and prayers are with them. It's not an easy journey, but one that I am glad that I was able to take with my mother. I know she is in a place where her spirit is singing and laughing with her loved ones who have gone before her. And she's waiting for us to join her one day too. Blessings!

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