Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

Today I had a most wonderful day. My son offered to stay with his dad while I took the afternoon to have lunch with an old, dear friend. We laughed, gossiped, and talked for three hours. I hadn't seen her in ages, but she's the kind of friend that you just pick up where you left off, no matter how long it's been. I felt normal (AD free) and happy for the first time in a long, long time.

Then I came home. I have been short tempered, anxious, resentful, and angry since I walked in the door. I wasn't expecting to feel this way, and it's really bothering me. I've snapped at my husband several times and yelled at the dogs. This disease affects the whole family - not just the patient. I really hate feeling this "self pity"!!!! I'm sure it will pass, but it's not a good feeling right now.

Strangely enough, being able to recognize these emotions and knowing the source doesn't help. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Kate

Hello Kate. I'm happy to hear that you had a good day away from things for a while today. I know too well how hard that full time caregiving for someone with AD can be. It is a 24/7 job and very demanding. You have to be constantly alert, even sleeping with one ear always listening. You are tied down and almost held hostage in your own home. I understand how you can get resentment built up, it is only human. Try to remember that your hubby can't help what is happening to him. If at all possible try to get out more often so that you can have more enjoyable times off duty and away from things. It is so important to have some "me" time. My heart goes out to you.

LYW

Kate, that is exactly what used to happen to me. If my sister would give me a few hours away from Mother, it just gave me a taste of what having a normal life could be like. So simple...just going out with a friend, laughing and visiting, and yet it felt like the greatest gift. Then on the way home I could feel the dread building up and when I walked in the door it felt like everything crashed down on my head again. It would take a few days to become resigned again to my "real" life. My sister yelled at me, "It doesn't do any good to give you a break, you just feel worse when you come home."

It was partly the contrast in what life could be and what it was, and it was also not knowing when I would ever get another break. My whole life was at the whim of my mother's AD symptoms and dictated by my sister's "schedule". After many years my sister yelled at me one time too many. That's when I told her I couldn't keep going and we were going to have to make other arrangements for mother's care. I've never been so grateful for peace and quiet when I want it and for walking out the door, getting in the car and leaving just any time I feel like it. Even though now it is a 250 mile round trip to go care for mother so my sister can get away, my life in between is worth every mile of it. So don't beat yourself up Kate; you are just like me. I'll bet that really cheered you up!!! ANW