Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

That is not my husband, he must have broke in,I heard the shouting all the way down the hall, the yelling came from my favorite couple the Eddy's, Henery and his wife shared a room he seemed to be able to keep her happy and guided so we thought for them to stay together to be a good idea,but on this day it was not,the nurse kept insisting to her that her husband was in front of her, all she saw was a burgular mrs.Eddy was very scared and her husband so fustrated as he to tried to convince his wife that he was her beloved husband to no avail.

when I came in and saw what was happening I gave Mr.Eddy a wink I grabbed Mrs.Eddies hand and said "oh,my God who is this in your room,lets go call the police for help,she held on to my arm as we went I told her we would drive to the police station in stead, for she was still very frightend,we went out side and began walking to my car as we did I asked her what happend,she said that man broke into her room , her husband wasn't home.

I asked mrs.Eddie where her husband was.He's at work she replied,what time does he get off I asked, at 5pm. I told her as we were walking and she was calming that it was almost 5 now,Mrs.Eddie? doesn't your husband have the prettiest eyes,I asked,yes she replied .Their blue aren't they? yes she said,we kept walking and I kept talking for about 15min.about her husband and children always comming back to the eyes,mrs.Eddie I forgot my keys inside we need to go back and get them,you stupid girl she said.so as we walked back I said you know what its 5:20 now do you think your husband is home yet? he might be she said..Why dont we go look and see I bet he's worried your not home,

as I came to the door I knocked and said Mr.Eddy are you home,he answerd as I opened the door his wife hide behind me,i winked to him and told him of the intruder,I said you know what Mrs.Eddie he does have buetiful blue eyes you are right,she peird out from behind me and studied his face for a minuite and said "there you are" and grabbed his hand...

lets break this down..

1st.. you can not convince someone with alzheimers that their reality is not true the nurse arguing with her was only upsetting her and her huband,

always remove the person from the problem,and side with them(that is most important)

2.. good cop bad cop- Mrs.Eddie needed someone on her side,I believed her so she trusted me

3... its said that people with alzheimers have a 10 minute memory ( I believe longer) but you have to distract, get the focuse somewhere else-out side or in but walk if possible,but remove away from the problem.

why do you think Mrs.Eddie didn't reconzise her husband? most alzemiers remember themself young their for there spouse should be young as well this old man sitting in her room could not be her husband he was to old..

4...why did I bring up his eyes? eyes dont change that is one thing mrs.Eddy knows she has seen them for a very long time,

5... this is important if you take the person from the situation you have to be able to get them back,hence I forgot my keys and had to go back in she trusted me so she went with me,

I mentioned the time (though it wasn't correct) because she knew he'd be home at 5. she wouldn't want him to worry,by me going in first being she trusted me giving him a cue talking again how buetiful his eyes were she looked in them and found her husband there..

This is such good advice. Very practical. We cant argue with our loved one. They honestly dont know any better. Having then feel you believe them and are trying to help works much better. When we just say thats isnt true, blah, blah blah, we just cause them to distrust us. It also gets them upset. Thank you for this story broken. So much to learn.

Hugs

I hope this can be helpful,

Well done! Always try to redirect when they are upset. I love the part about the eyes. My Dad had eyes like Paul Newman. You are right, the eyes never change.

Thank you so much for your story. I still haveso much to learn. My dad died almost 3years ago and she is always searching for him, I never quite no how to respond.

Deb,tell her he is at work or on a trip or visiting someone. I hope you do not tell her he has passed away. If you read my post "If Ever It Is Me" you will see the part about not telling me someone has died. I wrote that because I lost my brother to suicide only months after my father passed. If I ever have Alzheimer's and I forget the pain of my brother's death I don't want to go through it all over again, even if for a moment. My dad asked for his mother many times and a family member told him she had died. This happened when he asked for his father as well. Each time he was told of the death was a brand new grief experience for him. It was so sad. Make up a story and then try to redirect her to another topic. There are little white lies that are so much kinder than the truth and I am a believer in sparing all the pain we can.

Thank you for the advice, I get so confused and I guess I thought we needto try and snap her into reality but what you say makes so much more sense. I hate this disease so much.

Again thank you.

I hate it too Deb. It has taken so much from so many people. Some times reality isn't all it's cracked up to be, at least when it comes to sharing bad news with someone who cannot fully understand it.

Just do all you can to make her feel safe. Surround her with things that bring her comfort. If she loves to look at photo albums sit and look at them with her. Tell her who people are rather than asking her. Eventually you may need to make label the photos to help her remember who they are but that's okay.

If she loves music play the songs from her happiest times. Sing with her, dance with her. They oldest memories are her strongest. Ask her about her childhood. She may remember it better than she remembers yesterday. Some day you may want to know all about the things that she can no longer tell you. My dad told me all about his first kiss and I wouldn't take anything for the memory of that walk we shared and his story of the cute little girl next door to him.

You will do just fine. Just customize her care to the things that brought her joy in life.

Great advice. My grandmom had dementia and my grandfather had died. She would every once in a while wonder where he was. My sister would tell her he died and the poor lady would grieve. It was so sad. I wish she had just been redirected.

Talking to them with things they enjoy is always a good thing. They might not remember who you are but they will enjoy your company especially if talking and doing things they like.

Thank you for the good suggestions. Linda from Bodfish