Help from family?

I have noticed lately that a lot of my family members that live around us ( particulary my moms sisters and mother) have bascially no interest in helping us out. They are never around, they hardly ever drop in and see how she is doing or if she would like to do something. It makes me really mad they they don't care. I don't want to have to deal with this either, but it's the hand that I got dealt in life and I have to make the best of it. Don't get me wrong, we still are a close family, but I wish they would help out more. I want to tell them so bad that they need to smarten up and this is your sister/daughter and why are you not helping? Any suggestions how I can inform them that they have not been helping out at all without flipping out at them?

Best Regards

Andrew

Here's another twist - Even though I am in another province I want to help my dad. I work in a nursing home and see the kind of things that are needed for someone at his stage (clothes that are easy to get on over diapers, shoes that don't have to be tied) (simple activities like music cd's) I also have a lot of experience with the best way to deal with staff in a nursing home, how to interact with the care team, how not to upset the docs and nurses. But my (bipolar)sister has told me that I am stupid and don't know anything, she knows everything and does not want her judgement challenged. This was the last straw in a long line of fights with her and I finally gave up.

I talk to dad a couple times a week on the phone, my broher gives me regular updates and I fly up a couple times a year to visit. But, that is all I am 'allowed' to do.

My sister started with this behavior around the time my mom got sick. Mom was the glue that held the family together, she always made sure I felt like I was part of the family, even though I was away in another province. She would do things like tell me ' we are having a family dinner on such and such date at Marys house' Why don't you call us while we are there, and then you can talk to everyone and not feel like you are missing out. My sister has done everything possible since my mom died, to undo all of that. She specifically excluded me from any and all decision making involving dad. She constantly points out that I am not in Ontario and she is. It took awhile but eventually what I heard was, now mom is gone, I am putting myself in charge and you are not wanted. Its interesting how one death in a family can have this domino effect and upset so many things - my dads has deteriorated, and I don't have a family any more. Ripple effect, I guess.

Best Regards

Andrew