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09/25/2009 11:28 AM

My older brother is a drunk

Posts: 680
Senior Member

All my life my dad was an alcoholic then it was my older brother except when he drinks he gets violent and confrontational. I have called cops on him a number of times. The cops come and say you need to put a restraint order on him, only thing my mom will not throw him out of the apartment. He has no friends and no girlfriend he dedicates his life to going to work and coming home drinking vodka and the mini bottles of rum or whisky.He works for the city as a case worker for food stamps. I notice that alcohol has taken its toll with his body in that every morning when he gets ready to go to work he throws up and he cannot hold food in his stomach. Its a sad life and I worry for my brother but what can I do. I'm safe ignoring him and acting like he does not exist. but for how long. My mom is 79 years old my older brother 45 and me 34 years old going to college to finish my psychology degree.Sad

09/25/2009 12:09 PM
Posts: 2316
VIP Member

I'm sorry, fuzzycatblack, that your brother is having such difficulties. You are right and there just is not much, if anything, you can do for him. As a case worker for the city he probably knows all about what alcoholism can do to ruin people's lives and he probably knows the different places they can go for help. Plus, he's had contact with the police before so he knows it's causing problems in his life. He has just chosen to keep on drinking.

The only thing I think you can do is take care of you. I think you're alredy doing this, you're going to school and you're talking about how your brother's actions hurt you. There is a group on here for friends and families of alcoholics and there is alanon that you could go to. In your studies you've probably studied some about alcoholism but you could read more about it. When your brother's sober you could try to suggest an AA meeting to him or give him some literature about alcoholism. You'd have to pick the time carefully, though. And not expect much. I wish you luck in your studies and in your search with peace in regards to your brother.

09/25/2009 05:47 PM

Hi fuzzycatblack,

It is so hard to deal with...I know what you are going through -my mom and I are going through a similar situation with my 49 year old cousin right now. He's even been to rehab and fired from his job for out-of control alcoholic behavior.

It's like Rhonda said....take care of yourself. Also don't enable...let him bottom out and then pray that he will get help. Otherwise the alcoholic cycle will continue. Consequences invoke change getting fired from a deterioation, etc.

Prayers for you to deal with such a tough and challenging situation. Family and friends of alcoholics is an awesome forum here on mdj. I suggest you check it out.

Take care

09/26/2009 03:57 PM
MarlawPosts: 20

As long as your mom is willing to keep enabling your brother, there isn't much you can do. I do hope you are not living in the same home as him because this would be detrimental to your health.

Sometimes alcoholics see successful, happy, sober people and want what they have. Does your brother have a friend or relative that he looks up to?

We alcoholics tend to not push our sobriety on those who do not want help. I have a cousin, like a sister, in the same situation as your brother. All I can do is hope she will eventually approach me for help, yet keep praying for her in the meantime.

*Personal disclaimer here - if your brother's situation is life-threatening, you may want to overlook my advice and set up an intervention.

09/26/2009 05:29 PM

Sometimes the only thing you can do when people hit rock bottom (my bro did) is have them arrested for assault, DUI or whatever. I called my brother in for DUI and he called me as his only phone call! He spent a few days in jail and then a few weeks in rehab (court ordered) and is still alive. I honestly do not hink he would be without this step. It also helps that the province he lives in has some of the strictest DUI rules in Canada.

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