MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
06/18/2009 08:50 AM

had a relapse

anoronha
Posts: 484
Member

I had reached 6 weeks without drinking and last night had a relapse. I went to hang with my friends and I was not going to drink at all. I was having a really bad day and needed to just talk to my friends. My friends managed to coax me into having a shot with them. They said come on just do it one won't hurt you. I am not blaming them it is my fault for accepting the drinks i am adult here. I am just so disappointed in myself I don't want to go back to AA and tell everyone I relapsed I feel like an idiot. My friend knows that I am an alcoholic and attend meetings and went to one with me why would she offer me a drink? I don't get it. I am not blaming her or anyone for my relapse I am responsible for it and I hate myself right now. I feel like crap too. I was doing so well then I went and screwed it up.
Reply

06/18/2009 08:55 AM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42707
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Please don't beat yourself up. You are certainly no failure. It is true that you made a choice that wasn't the best for you, but I made the same decision early on myself. Go back to AA, they will not think less of you at all. I can guarantee you that at least one person there has had a similar experience, and if not, they know someone who has. I definitely do not think less of you at all. I am sorry that you feel so badly. Let it be a learning experience, that's all. Just get up, dust yourself off and start again. Remember, it is one day at a time and each day is a new beginning.

06/18/2009 09:31 AM
countrymouse
countrymouse  
Posts: 5693
VIP Member

I couldn't agree with Uppitywoman more. I am in AA, and have struggled to obtain consistant sobriety for years. Like you, my last slip was with friends when I felt the desire to drink and that took over. Afterwards I was ashamed and felt hopeless. I have always been welcomed back to meetings with open arms, and without judgement. Give the people at your meetings a chance to be there for you, you may find that they will.

06/18/2009 09:31 AM
SunnybuninFL

Hi, Anornha,

I am sorry that you are feeling so bad right now. Relapse is not unusual in a successful recovery. There is nothing like having a slip up like you had to remind you how precious your recovery is. Please don't let this keep you from returning to AA. I think you would be very hard pressed to find a recovering person, with any significant sober time, that has not had a relapse somewhere in their process. Contact your sponsor right away. If you don't have a sponsor yet, get one. Your recovery has to be the most important thing in your life. More important than the friendships you have with people who are a threat to it. From your posting, I get the impression that most of your friendships were formed around alcohol based activities. I think you know now that that can't work any longer. I know you are disappointed and confused as to why your friend would encourage you to drink- and you're right- it's not your friend's fault that you relapsed. Going to bars or clubs like you did before you began your recovery, can't be an option any longer. Neither can association with people who are going to endanger your sobriety. Your sobriety has to absolutely come first. If you continue going to your AA meetings, you will meet a new group of people who are also interested in living a sober life. Last night was last night. Today is today. Pick up the pieces and go forward. It will make you stronger in the long run.

I wish you much success in your recovery. I will be sending you positive thoughts.


06/18/2009 10:11 AM
Mycoolfitz46
Mycoolfitz46Posts: 45
Member

Thank you for honoring us with your painful truth, I know it hurts at meeting to "fess" up, I've had to do it myself and swallowing my pride was harder than swallowing my drink, but infinately healthier for me. I'm 73 daze this time, and its funny, my counting and not wanting to "start over" is a stronger motivator than my desire to drink. It hasn't been that way in the past. Sometimes things just change and we're not even sure why. I don't know but I'm grateful AND vigilant. I"ll share a little Buddhist thing with you, don't know if will mean anything but it's helped me.

View all problems as challenges.

Look upon negativities that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow.

Don't run from them, condemn yourself, or bury your burden in saintly silence.

In my terms, hey we all screw up. Hell, we're alcoholics and addicts, its what we do, its what got us here, but we can move on. Recovering or recovery is possible, just not the cure. You're just starting on the path, you're staying on it is in your hands. I wish you well. Namaste (I bow to you)

No matter how far out on the sea of suffering we've sailed,

all that is required is to turn toward awakening.

It's never too late, but it takes that turning, and no one can do that for us


06/18/2009 12:11 PM
AndysCandi

Hi anoron,

Sorry to hear of your relapse. You were so strong for those six weeks. I know how hard it was for you. I was here with you reading your posts. Just pick yourself up again and do it just one day at a time. I don't care who tells you differently...relapse is a part of recovery. It took me 4 one-day relapses before I got time under my belt...otherwise I would have two years sobriety right now if it werent for those 4 days...but those 4 days SAVED my life and taught me that I am an alcoholic.

Trust me! you are pointed in the right direction by going to aa and getting help in this forum. You are also being honest. I'm proud of you. Also don't live in the past. The past could possibly keep you drinking.

Just keep posting. We are here for you.

Hugz and luv honey

Ange


06/18/2009 04:43 PM
rmm164
rmm164  
Posts: 2316
VIP Member

Anoronha, almost everyone in AA has had relapses. I am going to be honest and tell you that I haven't. YET. I always consider myself eligible even though I have a long time sober. I am just one drink away from a drunk. When I first went to AA they told me I had to change my people, places and things in order to stay sober. I had to change the people I hung around with, the places I hung out and the things I did. I believed them and I did it. I got new friends who were sober and stopped hanging around where alcohol was served and doing the things that got me drunk and made me think so badly about myself. Some of it hurt. It didn't feel good to leave some of my friends behind. But they drank and did drugs and I didn't want to do that any more. I wanted sobriety. I wanted sobriety more than anything else. And I had one friend that didn't want to let me go. She kept trying to get me to drink with her. But I didn't. I just kept going to my AA meetings and hanging out with my sober friends. And it worked, I haven't had a drink in almost 17 years. One day at a time.

06/18/2009 09:44 PM
anoronha
Posts: 484
Member

Hey everyone I went to an aa meeting and told my sponsor about what happened. I swallowed my pride and told them what happened. I just thought of something, maybe i could just change my phone number and not give it to any of my old friends so they can't contact me and avoid going into areas of town so I won't ever run into them again. Only one of the people i used to party with supports my decision to go to AA and recovery. I don't want to be a bad friend or disloyal but I don't want to ever relapse again feel like such a failure and a faker. I want to be from alcohol forever.

06/18/2009 10:01 PM
SunnybuninFL

Good for you, Anoronha!

Putting your recovery first is not being a bad or disloyal friend. It's your life, and it's your recovery. If your friends can't be supportive of your decision, don't think of that as your problem. You have to disassociate from anyone who threatens your recovery. It is very scary to leave the familiar behind when you begin recovery, but, as you go along, the new will become the familiar, and you will begin to feel comfortable with other people in recovery, and develop a new group of friends who support your decision not to drink. Relapse doesn't mean that you are a failure or a faker. Just learn from it, and be true to yourself, first and foremost. Stay in close contact with your sponsor, and keep going to your AA meetings. Good wishes and positive thoughts to you.


06/19/2009 01:51 PM
anoronha
Posts: 484
Member

I changed my phone number today so none of my old friends can contact me again. I have decided that for the next 6 months I will take a break from hanging with them. I am going to avoid going to parts of town where the bars are or areas where I will see them. I feel like a coward but If I see them I know I won't be able to say no to hanging. I know they encourage me to drink but I have shared some good times and memories with them that i will never forget. I just need to get stronger and better and maybe then I can hang with them again.
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved