Alcoholism Support Group

I think one of the most significant realazations I have come to since I became sober and made the choice I wanted to and needed to stay sober, is one of the worst enemies I have is me. Throughout the years whenever i have been happy and everything in my life is going right, there's this little voice that goes off in my head that doesn't allow me to accept being happy and I shoot myself in the foot and my life goes into crisis mode. On many occasions I make the choice of pushing that self-destruct botton.

A friend aksed me once, 'what are you getting from this?' I almost smacked her until I sat back and thought about it and realized as twisted as it might be I must be getting something from continuing to walk into crisis after crisis. Attention, not having to take responsibility for my own actions etc...Life is full of choices I think all anybody can do is to try and make the right choices. The problem being is were human and do not always make the right choices. The only answer or suggestion I can come up with is I end up preying to my higher power to help me to do 'the next right thing'.

I walked into a real crisis when I was drinking. It was my bottom. I had almost killed my self by huge quanities of alcohol with my meds. Now I have a pacemaker to keep me alive.

I would ask myself "why" even as I bought the alcohol. It took me a few years to even realize I needed help against that first drink, and a few more bottoms to find, then accept that help. It made no sense at all. I am grateful for this day.

I used to say...I will make meal that including wine. Then I would say to myself..."wine is healthy...especailly red wine. Oh what the hell..I am going to drink a small glass"...you all know the rest.