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08/16/2011 04:19 AM

Freakin relapse and paying for it

h4llp4ss
 
Posts: 12
Member

I went a month without alcohol - trying, but not trying if you know what i mean. I wasn't quitting, but i was set on being sober for a month. When i drank, it was a coule of glasses of wine... so i had weaned myself into thinking that I quit for a little bit, i have it under control. NOT. I have started with the nightly drinking again, and it has led to some more serious BS from my past. Boy, when you rebound you make every excuse to 'get it out of your system'... it's just led me back down roads i thought were blockaded. I am so freakin ashamed right now... WTF am I back here again? Just venting...
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08/16/2011 04:43 AM
taylynn
taylynn  
Posts: 1866
Senior Member

h4ll

in my experience it took several months of NO drinking b4 my mind became completely clear. After that is became easier..still had my moments of wanting to drink..(and sometimes did) but over the years now those urges are gone. The last thing I ever want to feel is a hangover EVER again..I can drink 3 beers now, (tho I only do maybe 1 time in 6 mos) and it's just social, maybe at a picnic, dinner with friends..whatever...but after that I don't want anymore. I am not suggesting that for you, but saying how it is for me. Everyone is different. For example..if I smoked for a few days, say 2 cigs a day..within days, i'd go buy a pack..then I'd be smoking again..so I just don't do it at all. It's ok to feel ashamed, but better yet, you that as incentive to get on the right track again. For me, I know God took mine away. (drinking) alcoholism, whatever u want to call it. I know He did and it wasn't my strong will power but Him. I didn't go to AA, (well I did with a friend) but I had already quit at that point) I did't like it, I don't think it gets to the real issues and it's not for me. If it helps another though, then that is great. Best wishes to you h4llp, start over, we can't do anything at all, until we start!


08/16/2011 05:00 AM
h4llp4ss
 
Posts: 12
Member

Thanks... i'm glad you mentioned God, because He is such a huge part of my recovery - I know I'm forgiven, but that's where i feel soooo much shame right now. Like you said, gotta pick myself up and follow Him once again - not my desires.

Thanks again.


08/16/2011 10:02 AM
Kelti
Kelti  
Posts: 4158
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

It took me 2 years in AA to sober up. Now it has been 20 years and I still go to the meetings. It has become my port in a storm. But I don't think AA is for every one either. What ever works for you. I cannot eat chocolate any more b/c it spikes my blood sugar (diabetic) so I just don't buy it and then I don't have any in the house. Same with the cigarettes. Been smoke free for a month now and when I go to the store I won't buy them either for the same reasons; and I have to stay clear of the liquor store too. I don't need these things $$$$$$$$ I have better things to do with my money at the store like maybe buying the dogs a new toy etc.

08/16/2011 03:16 PM
taylynn
taylynn  
Posts: 1866
Senior Member

you are forgiven so let go of your shame! we all sin everyday, we are humans...you will be okay! Smile

08/17/2011 07:01 PM
h4llp4ss
 
Posts: 12
Member

Thanks y'all... your response means the world. Smile

08/19/2011 04:32 PM
Bangbang
Bangbang  
Posts: 7140
Group Leader

I am a recovering alcoholic and AA gave me a new life. Many people are sent there by court order and this waters down the program. I got to know people that really wanted to quit and got a sponser...then I WORKED the 12 step program. The program will not fail you if you work it. I hate sitting at a table with a bunch of court ordered people that just talk BS. You have to have the desire to quit for the program to work. In fact ...to become a member of AA you must have the desire to quit. That is the only requirement to become a member.

08/20/2011 10:08 PM
SepC
SepC  
Posts: 426
Member

I know the feeling of saying you won't go back then you do. But you gotta pick yourself back up, wipe of the dust, and redo. That is the great thing about second (or third or fourth lol) chances!

08/21/2011 12:17 PM
Bangbang
Bangbang  
Posts: 7140
Group Leader

You can not give up...if you relapse sometimes it is part of your recovery process.
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