Alcoholism Support Group

I really need some advice and TRUTH....I have been married to an alcoholic for almost 10 years now. We have recently decided to seperate for a year to see if we could work on our own problems. He is also addicted to pain pills! Am I kidding myself to think there is any hope for us?

Hello and WELCOME to the group!! You will get truth from me , always. If he does not have a desire to stop, he will not. We cannot do anything about it, he must want this for himself. So you made the smart move,now if he does get help say from AA and does get sober on his own, then and only then will a change come about, as far as the pills, that is another story, alot of us here have to take pills for various illness and as long as he takes them as directed then it is ok i think, but pill abuse is the same as alcohol only in pill form, I can imagine how bad this has all drove you crazy living with a drunk is like living in a whilwind all the time,let yourself heal and get counseling because this has left you in need for some solid counseling ,as for him there is nothing you can do, wait if you like and see, but it takes him hitting bottom to really change , not a day or two with out drinking, i am talking about for the permant quit, and it probably will take detox, he sounds bad and he will need help to get off the bottle and pills, and a medical detox s the answer for him, but again he must initiate it , he cannot quit for you he must desire it for himself, and i wish you the best, and there are alanon meetings and a ton of women who have been down the same road as you and they can help you, i highly reccommend it for you , and you will see it will help, and you wont feel so all alone, there is always hope i am sober 22 years and living proof yes a drunk can get sober permantly ,you are never fully recovered , i still go to AA meetings, but i am a new person so if it happened for me it can happen for him, I wsh you all the best and take care of yourself right now and get back all you have lost from him tearing you down. I know you will be strong and do what is right and good for yourself, sending a hug and much care, Love Debi.

Thank you so much for your honesty. I was hoping us seperating was his bottom but apparently not! It seems like he is happier and has forgotten all about me and the kids. (The kids are not his but he has been thier Dad since my daughter was 1 and now she is 11 and my son was 3 and now he is 13). I am the one who is sad and depressed. I just would like to know if he ever really loved me (truly loved me) or if it was all just a big waste of my life! I just want to heartache to stop...again thank you

I will be honest I WISH I had continued on with my divorce from my husband when I had the strength. He was/is an alcoholic and after putting up with "it" for so long I filed and he came crying to me and agreed to rehab. Once again my hopes were up and I trudged on and while there have been a few shining moments there have been more bad episodes or whatever you want to call them. I can't blame him 100% (although I'd love to) but honestly living through the hell absolutely broke my spirit and to this day I can't trust him 100%.

My saving grace has been this forum and going to Alanon meetings, not to mention my therapist. I have always been a very upbeat person but living through this; I am furious at myself for not walking away when I had "the strength". I can't speak for everyone but as far as my now sober? husband; he is still not admitting he had/has a problem and I'm now realizing him sober is about as draining as he was drunk. Hard to explain.

I wish you strength and please if you haven't gone to one try going to Alanon or come on this forum and vent, talk, etc. And feel free to private message me anytime too. Living with an addict you love and/or care about is something the "general" public just doesn't understand and in my case after awhile stopped answering the phone because they were sick of hearing me talk about it.

take care and listen to your gut feelings!!

Thanks guys for your wonderful responses. I can only agree. I am sober since 1991 and my husband has been sober since 1989. and we both still go to AA and I still take in an occasional AlAnon meeting myself. We were drunks within our marriage from 1973 til 1991, a long time. We have been living the 12 steps for a long time now. Yes, there is always hope in the mix somewhere. Sometimes it is just hard to see I guess. We have hope b/c it is given to us freely from God. Sometimes it is all we have to hang on to. Keep us posted and I hope you are safe and taking good care of yourself. You have found a safe place to fall here with us and we are glad to have you. Kelti...