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11/06/2008 12:19 PM

Family Support??

heather1020
 
Posts: 93
Member

I'm just wondering if others receive alot of support from their loved ones? In the beginning did they confront you with your alcoholism? were they in denial? have they helped or hindered your recovery?
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11/06/2008 01:12 PM
cirquedumoi
cirquepourvousPosts: 1710
Senior Member

in a word - no. my blood family sort of washed their hands of me, which is easier to do if you're a continent away. i suppose the confronted me by not speaking. that they continue to be wordless after i have been sobre for 2 and some years is their problem. i don't let it clutter me.

oddly my ex-wife has been very supportive and has helped a lot. and my kids helped tremendously just be being my kids.


11/06/2008 01:35 PM
seabass
seabassPosts: 656
Member

i've kept this very close to the vest, only a few know about my alcoholism. i know my family would support me 100%, but i don't want them bugging me about offering help. i seek help when i think i need it and to whom i need it from.

the main support i get is from the handful of friends that know. but they know not to force anything onto me.


11/06/2008 05:49 PM
2bdjm
2bdjm  
Posts: 24
Member

I would not say that I have support from my immediate family. I have an aunt that I am close to and her husband, my uncle, is a recovering alcoholic. She is supportive in everything that I do or don't do. My father was an alcoholic and passed away from lung cancer. My mother has told me on several occasions that I drink too much. I remember when she used to drink too much, but I never mentioned it to her. She is very religious now and lives in a totally different universe than I. I cannot deal with a lot of what she says these days. Thank goodness we live in different states! I am glad she is happy but I don't like being preached to. Like seabass said, I know when I need help and I don't need anyone telling me so. I have lived with depression for years and my mother would not accept that I had a mental illness. What is a kid to do? It has been up to me to get the help that I need. Kind of the way I feel about the 12 steps program. I am not knocking the 12 steps because I know that it has worked for so many of you. One day it may work for me. Only time will tell. As far as my friends. We are all party people and party we do. I don't think they have the problem as bad as me and I have not mentioned to them that I have a problem. Maybe they see it. Who knows? They are much more focused and productive than I. But I think we are all alcoholics. We have had some good times. What can I say?

11/06/2008 06:00 PM
cirquedumoi
cirquepourvousPosts: 1710
Senior Member

2bdjm - both you have said that you'll know when you'll need. i thought i would know when enough of this is enough and stop, blah, blah. but it didn't work. a bunch of people told at various times that i should get some, they were worried about.

i'll ask each of you a question, if you could watch yourself while you are drinking, getting drunk - what would you think about that person?

food for thought anyway


11/06/2008 06:04 PM
AndysCandi

Yes, family support. My mom and my husband fought to keep me alive when I mostly wanted to be left alone with my bottle to die. For two years they both tried everything from tough love to punishment to unconditional love.

It was then when I hit and bottomed out and neither of them had the fight left in them anymore; so they just loved me until I was capable of loving myself. That's when my mom and husband came up with the Rehab inpatient plan Sept. 3, 2007...I couldn't hang with the bottle anymore. I was a reflection of a person who was just dead: dead in my brain, dead in my heart and dead in my soul. I was beat-down and I had no more options to keep my drinking habit alive.

I owe everything to my mom and husband. They saved me because they thought I was worth it when I just felt like a big failure that deserved to die.


11/06/2008 06:43 PM
2bdjm
2bdjm  
Posts: 24
Member

cirquedumoi - Appreciate your input and I totally understand what you are saying. I am aware that I have a problem and have decided that I need and want to go to an inpatient treatment center. I am afraid that they will keep me there a long time. Do I have a say in how long I will be there? I have thought about this for years. What do I do about my house, my pets, bills and etc? I know that it is my decision and only mine. I just need to take that step. I don't know how. It is like standing on a cliff and looking down at the water, should I jump, will I hit a rock or will I just dive in. I think that I can really beat this if I had a jump start inpatient. I do not think I would stick to it just going to meetings. To answer your question. If I saw someone drinking and getting drunk like I do, it would not be much of a surprise. Just a bunch of friends having a good time. I don't get out of hand. When I am alone and drinking, it is a different story. I see a sad, lonely person that needs help and needs to make changes in her life. A lot of my drinking is when I am alone. Not good. Can you tell me what it is like to enter a treatment facility? I previously checked myself into a hospital when I was soooooo depressed I thought I would harm myself. I could not go on. I remember I did not participate in the group therapy. But I am a different person now with years under my belt with counseling and I think I will be different in therapy now. I am aware of my problem and do not have a problem talking about it. What do you read here. Am I still in denial? I am to a certain extent, but it is hard to say so long to a good friend, buddy BEER!!!

11/06/2008 07:04 PM
cirquedumoi
cirquepourvousPosts: 1710
Senior Member

i did the inpatient thing that lasted 30 days. i've only heard of 30, 45,60, 90 days. but there is sobre living facilities for after care. i guess if you make the decision to go, you have domestic arrangements.

the first day of rehab is like your first day in school - big and scary. everyone else seems to know what's going on, they seem to stare at you. but that doesn't last a day because it's full time after that. you'll do things that you think are stupid and later realize they made sense. there was personal and group therapy, study the physical aspects of addiction. we had to write a personal history. and at the end i really didn't want to leave.

hope that helps somewhat.


11/06/2008 07:06 PM
2bdjm
2bdjm  
Posts: 24
Member

It does. Thanks.

11/06/2008 07:10 PM
AndysCandi

Hi 2bdjm,

It depends on what inpatient you go to. The one I went to you get checked into detox (if you are withdrawling). Depending how bad you are you wait in detox until all of your symptoms subside from drinking (heart palpatations, shakes, dt's, vertigo, etc.) You see a doctor and he/she checks you over with a fine-tooth comb. I went in 2 days sober so they just kept me in detox one night for observation.

Then I got transferred to another building that was called "Primary Women's Care". There were about 40 women ages 18-80. We got 2 15 minute phone calls a week after 7 days of being there. 17 hour days were filled with Lectures, group therapy, individual therapy, visits with psychologists, special interest groups, doctor's appointments, blood work, health and fitness, big-book study, 3 meals + a snack, chapel on sunday, aa meetings...the list goes on and on.

You aren't aloud any radios, phones, basically anything electronics.

Your primary womens group is your new family and you find out how nice it is to be in the same boat as everyone else...so there were no cat fights. I also found out how it was to have sober fun...it was really relieving.

Mine was 31 days. You and only you decide if you stay for "Extended". That was a big mistake i made...my head therapist requested it since I had been through so many traumatic events in life. So I stayed another 15 days and went home.

I hope this helps. It was a blessing for me. I had my family take care of my dog and my bills were already pre-paid for that month.

Ange

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