MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
01/10/2009 07:17 PM

'motivation to keep sober (or to get there)'(page 2)

uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42708
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

My motivation are those I love and who love me. I lived as though I was an island all to myself. The old Simon & Garfunkle song "I am a rock, I am an island" was my theme. But none of us are islands. We touch others in ways known and unknown. I know if I drink it will hurt not just me, but all who love me. I have no desire to be a tornado roaring through the lives of loved ones. It's enough that the bipolar rears its head. I cannot always control that even with meds, but I can control drinking and I choose to not drink.
Reply
 

01/10/2009 07:47 PM
annie966
annie966  
Posts: 235
Member

My motivation is to be here for my husband and kids. When I am sober and stable with bp (which I couldn't do with alcohol) I am a good mom, wife, and friend. When drinking, I am unstable, selfish and totally crazy. The time I have spent sober has been the best time in my life and I just wouldn't want to go back to where I was - would hurt too many people - and me too.

01/11/2009 02:11 PM
seabass
seabassPosts: 656
Member

my motivation....primarily to keep my job. very few know about my problem so i'm really only accountable to myself and those i work with. probably not a good reason in that it is avoiding a negative instead of moving towards a positive, but motivation nonetheless.

01/13/2009 06:22 PM
JuJuZ
JuJuZ  
Posts: 1167
Senior Member

HANGOVERS........And, I think about all those calories that go straight to fat. That bloated look on the face of an alcoholic. Last, the stupidity, and waste of allowing an artificial substance take control of your entire being.

01/13/2009 07:04 PM
piedlourd
cirquepourvousPosts: 1710
Senior Member

yeah those gut-ripping hangovers are nasty to think about. i wrote a short book of poetry on escaping the bottle. here's one that makes sense here:

Dawn brings no rescue, just grey burning light. Scorches my skin, lacerates my stomach, blinds my dying crusted eyes.

What happened last night?

Try to move, get off the couch. Push against gravity – nothing. Push again – same result – gravity pressures every edge in my trampolining head. On my feet, finally, walls spin, staggered vision. Collapse again.

Fifteen minutes or an hour later, shapes and colours. Familiarity. Two bottles. I don't remember how they got there. A spiralling ache tears fangs in my shoulder.

Two bottles – proud, empty warriors in that savage nightly battle. Lying empty, one in the kitchen, one near the new kitchen table now in the living room. Both close enough to stagger to, both ready to chicken-fight renew the unquenchable.

The ache in my shoulder crawls up my neck, rises with the hangover. Now in stasis. A balance that will break down. It always breaks down.

The mysterious bruise violent on my arm. Already turning black, purple and deep. I'll need an excuse at work.

A drink would cure all this. The whirlwind that spins carnival-ride from my head to my stomach and back again, would settle and drift away.

I pull myself out the door – unthinkable distance, unimaginable time hovers over me.

Anyone looking at me can tell. Anyone who can tell would look away.

What the fuck, I know what I need.


01/14/2009 09:02 AM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42708
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Wow. Mysterious bruises appeared on me, too. I spent a lot of time hugging the porcelain throne as well. I guess another deterrent would be the driving while drunk which I did countless times. I am so thankful that I did not kill or maim someone.

01/14/2009 09:09 AM
seabass
seabassPosts: 656
Member

that would be an interesting discussion....random drunken injuries. ever had to go all CSI at home to try and figure what the hell you did the night before?

'oh so that's how i got that gash in the back of my head....'


01/14/2009 05:48 PM
heather1020
 
Posts: 93
Member

Yeah, I guess we've all been there. Where the hell did THAT come from? lol.

01/15/2009 12:12 PM
jritchie
jritchie  
Posts: 9229
VIP Member

Wow, all my motivation and more. The shame of overdrinking. The fights because I can't control my emotions when I'm drunk (no help from the BP), the way I see people that are drunk now (wow, was I that ignorant?). My kids, and the awful things they saw me do...stagger, crawl, puke, name it. The wanting to feel good in the morning and not miss work. The money I have wasted. The shame.

********

Good thread. I was thinking about opening a bottle of wine tonight (what's one glass of wine? Jesus had wine for Gosh sakes!) But I won't now. Well, this minute I won't, I hope I don't tonight.


01/15/2009 03:17 PM
AndysCandi

Yes, the unidentified injuries following a drunk. I twisted my foot, fell down the stairs (unconsciousness), fell into wood window blinds and got stitches on my collerbone, I fell into an opened car door and destroyed the whole left side of my face....the list goes on and on!

Hey terry good poem!!

Ange

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 2 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved