Alcoholism Support Group

My husbands cousin is 39 and he has had his second attack of pancreatitis and scarring of liver due to drinking in the last 6 months. He lived with us for a year and three months. I can be a heavy drinker but he made me look like a tee totaler.

He ended up leaving our home in NE and going back with his parents in CO. The circumstances involved him getting my younger son so drunk that he was foaming at the mouth and I had to take him to the ER. Jeremy left the very next morning. I bought the ticket.

I am very upset with him and surprised at my own feelings. I love him like a brother and all my children love him. They idolize him. He is highly intelligent, a world traveler, a music connosieur, etc. If he drinks himself to death he will end up just that sad story of cousin Jeremy who couldn't stop drinking and died. I don't want that for him or my children.

Big question here is can I tell him how I feel or do i let him figure it out for himself? He might not know what he means to my family and I am not sure that my children would be able to recover from his death if he should choose to keep drinking.

Just give me your opinions and I will sort ot out myself. Thank-you in advance.

Hi tinlizzy,

That is a sad story. Has he ever been in rehab, detox, AA or any other program of recovery? Of course you should talk to him. If he had cancer and you had a way of putting it in remission or a way of curing it wouldn't you tell him about it? I know alcoholism has such a stigma of shame; but where do you draw the line of remaining silent and watching him die versus getting him help or trying an intervention?

He obviously knows he has health problems due to this disease. It is such a lonely disease that many don't get help or try it on their own and it just simply can't be done that way. Alcoholism has to be challenged in a "we" program of recovery where there is plenty of support and outlets for alcoholics other than drinking. Alcoholics have to be able to relate to other alcoholics so they can find solutions together. I would suggest a detox center and then a 12-step based 31 day rehab program. Is that a possibility?

Hope this helps!

I have pancreatitis from drinking, my attack was 9 years ago and it was terrible, I had lung failure and a traacheotomy and I was in a coma for a month. I stopped drinking, or did I, once in awhile I will have a drink and it makes me very sick, so I don't know how your cousin drinks, doesn't he get sick, I keep testing it, I don't know, I just know alcoholism is a very hard disease to overcome, did he to go AA before. He needs to quit because his next attack will kill him. I would tell him how you feel, that you love him and don't want to see him die and the he already has ruined his health and his life because of drinking. I know my daughter came to me crying and saying mom I love you please don't drink, so I did stop, but not entirely, its complicatied, but as a whole I do not drink because I don't want to see the pain on my daughters face. So maybe talking to him will help, tell him how you feel,its not like he has to hit bottom, he has hit it twice, so he knows how sick he gets from drinking, telling him how much you and your kids love him may help him. Hope it works

Post edited by: anamore, at: 12/15/2009 05:33 AM

Thank-you both! He is a recovering Heroin addict and I am pretty sure he has never been to an AA meeting. I just want to make sure it is ok for me to tell him how we all feel about his illness. He is currently unemployed and his wife divorced him after he blew through their savings on heroin.

I know he sounds as if you wouldn't want to get to know him but he is so loving and funny and I think life has him by his balls. I just want to grow old along with my husband and his cousin.

Nineteen years ago my family got together and told my grandmother how we felt about her drinking. It was an organized intervention with help from a local rehab. She ended up voluntarily going to treatment and hasn't had a drink since. She went to AA for a few years but stopped but still hasn't had a drink. So, I definitely believe you should tell him how you feel. Even if it doesn't make him change his ways he will have it in his head and heart and maybe in the future it will help. And you will know that you have said it, that he knows how much you and your children love him. You could find out if there is a treatment center that would help you with an intervention. If not just telling him might be enough. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

After I had the pancreatitis attack I was in a coma for a month but I remember a time that she was lying in bed with me and I kept telling her don't worry I won't die, I will come back to you. To me it seemed so real, but she said she would lay in bad w/ me often but I never talked w/ her. After I came out of the coma, she was so scared that I would con't drinking and when I didn't she had more faith in me and then 2 years ago she caught me sneaking a drink on Christmas, I will never forget the pain in her face, I never want her to see me have a drink again, I never want to cause that pain again in her. Hopefully if he know how much it hurts you to know that he is slowly or quickly killing himself maybe he will find help and stop drinking. Keep us updated on what he does

Thank-you