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09/10/2012 08:38 PM

really angry and want to drink

anoronha
Posts: 484
Member

Resentments are building up in me again. Im angry at my cousin and here I thought I was zenlike. I can't talk about why I am angry here it involves religion and god. I want to drink and go back to my old lifestyle. I associate drinking with me being more fun and cool. I keep thinking I am the only person in my 20's in recovery. I know that is not true but that is what my addictive voice keeps telling me. I guess I want sobriety more but I am so mad and resentful right now. Im not going to drink toniht. Boy am I glad I see my therapist tomorrow I need to just vent to her and get some advice from her. I can't talk to my AA group and sponsor about this they just wouldn't get it.
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09/10/2012 10:50 PM
bfly
bfly  
Posts: 4078
VIP Member

I'm glad you have decided not to drink tonight... I imagine it's very difficult to get sober in your twenties... It's great that u have therapist app tomorrow! Good timing. I'm sooo not a poster child for good recovery but I just wanted you to know someone hears you- and I'm wishing you the best!

09/11/2012 02:11 AM
Guitar
Guitar  
Posts: 1276
Senior Member

anoronha,

First of all Congratulations for not letting your anger control you by remaining Sober. Very good Choice.

Anger was one of my many different reasons/excuses to lift a glass. Someones pissed me off on the Road, Boss being an ass, Other halfs time of the month making me stressed, arguments with parents, Frustration at life in general.

Thing is, drinking generally made my anger far far worse. On the odd ocassion that it helped, this was very short lived.

As far as your Sponsor is concerned, I'm in no doubt that they would in fact 'Get it'. They have been where you are remember.

Also, alcoholism is does not discriminate on age. I never imagined Id do so much damage to my liver at only 31.

This is a life long battle have no doubt about it. By addressing the problem young you are preventing a lot of grief later on in your life.

If you feel however that your sponsor does not 'Get You' then rest assured....We Do!

Post edited by: Guitar, at: 09/11/2012 02:13 AM


09/11/2012 07:06 AM
chrisIL2008
chrisIL2008  
Posts: 2904
Group Leader

It is wonderful that you decided not to drink. I certainly understand the anger and particularly the anger due to "religious" people (my parents for example). I too have been there "I am the only person in my 20's in recovery" and that feeling stinks. I have wanted to go back to my old life of drinking basically everyday for the last 4yrs it's tough, it sucks, but it is worth it to stay sober. I have been able to be fun sometimes even without drinking and I think we need to just come to grips with the "cool" issue and be content/accepting of ourselves (much easier for me to say than to do). I am 28 and originally came to the understanding that I had a problem with alcohol abuse and started seeking sobriety at 24 so yes you are not the only one in their 20's going through this struggle. I am glad you have a therapist and I could probably benefit from one as well. If you need to vent at any time I think you should feel free at least in the off topic section but either way PM me whenever you need.

We are all in this together and none are immune!


09/11/2012 07:44 AM
anoronha
Posts: 484
Member

@ chris I started going to AA at 25 going to be 28 at the end of this month. I almost drank last night I went to the liquor fridge and cabinet but found no wine or liquor. I was so angry and bitter.Iwent to bed then and then I fell asleep and woke up thankful I didn't drink. I was listening to all these songs that glorified using and drinking. I listened to young wild and free by snoop dogg. Seeing my therapist in a couple of hours thanks for being there for me guys.

@ guitar sponsor would get reason why I wanted to drink but wouldn't understand my particular problem nor would the group. oh well she is not meant to be my therapist only there to help me not drink.

@bfly how long have you been sober? How old are you?


09/11/2012 09:56 AM
chrisIL2008
chrisIL2008  
Posts: 2904
Group Leader

Oh sorry I messed up I am 29 forgot I just had a birtday last month. I guess I have been to busy lately. I am glad the cabinet was empty I know the feeling of going back after quiting and trust me it ain't any easier to quit the second or third or fourth time. Stupid alcoholic mind.

09/11/2012 11:07 AM
Bangbang
Bangbang  
Posts: 7175
Group Leader

Congrats for not drinking. Anger is our worst enemy. In AA we learn how to cope with anger. It has been a long time since I have been angry. My wife used to be able to push my buttons but no more.

09/11/2012 01:17 PM
bfly
bfly  
Posts: 4078
VIP Member

I'm so glad you got some good feedback! To answer your question- I have 111 days today and am now 37 (old). My first rehab was when I was 26- so I technically was in the try to get sober in your twenties gang- but I don't know that I could say I've every really "tried" to the degree that I should have... But hey, manages to stay off cocaine for ten years despite a weekend in May 2011... Yeah... Wear that like a badge huh???? What is important is that YOU ARE sober and that you were able to ward off those bastard negative emotions without a drink. Give some of this stuff to your sponsor and let them help- and I'd u dont feel you can with that sponsor- get a different one if needed- this Is "your" sobriety!

09/11/2012 04:49 PM
anoronha
Posts: 484
Member

I just can't burden my sponsor with this stuff it has to do with experiencing homophobia recently for me and I was angry about it so I unloaded on my therapist today and she was extremely helpful to me. My sponsor is very accepting of everyone but I think only my therapist understands what I am going through. Congratulations on 111 days you are just doing awesome keep up the great work. And congrats on being free from cocaine for a long time too.

09/11/2012 05:05 PM
bfly
bfly  
Posts: 4078
VIP Member

Thanks ... I can relate to not wanting to dump my crap on someone unless I'm paying them! But at the times I have bad a sponsor- they listened to everything I needed to talk about- if she couldn't help she would tell me! I'd give them a try like has been said before- they have been through similar things.
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