Agoraphobic dealing with PTSD Support Group

Loved the flash mob video how fun!!! I also liked the vid about your heritage... didn't watch the whole thing yet, but what I watched so far was interesting

I am of Serbian heritage and I love learning what I can about it. (pretty sure it's where I get my temper, lol)

I didn't realize that my forefathers were so into gardening on a massive scale aka farming. I guess it must run in the blood.

The video is long but I couldn't stop watching it. My descendants were able to make it over to the US around 1903ish, before the Russian Revolution.

Cheryl, I'm so glad you told us all that you have. I've watched some of the video, but not all of it yet. But I will. The flash mob video was VERY cool.

Thanks for sharing.

It's been a while since I have opened up in this thread. I am melancholy today, perhaps it was taking the time to allow myself to feel the things that I have ignored, to look at them. I keep listening to this song...over and over and over:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5AkNqLuVgY

It's Brandon Heath - Give Me Your Eyes

The world that I am familiar with is a world filled with pain, guilt and shame. These are feelings that I am accustomed to and the ones that fill my thoughts, my nightmares. Yet it is so familiar to me that it is normal. Hope was just around the corner, I could hear it, I looked for it. Now I realize that not everyone has experienced that hope or maybe they didn't know that it exists?

Oftentimes, compassion eludes those that have been beaten into the ground by trauma, tragedy...that's all they know, it's their life experience as they hang their head in shame. A shame that is not theirs, it's not their fault when their innocence is stolen and their security shattered. The brokenhearted exist all around us but are masters at wearing the mask called "I'm fine".

Like I said, I've been listening to this song. I try my best to smile; trying to hide what's underneath but the mask is slipping.

Sorry to hear that Cheryl. I used to think everyone was lying about their feelings when happy. That it wasn't possible. I know better now. I know you know a mask is no good often. Masks will slip because they are not a part of us..So many analogies with masks..I think about how I am innocent with some things. It helps me out. And secure with some things. Not all. And not necessarily how many people are, but my own. Probably no advice I could give... You already do so much to help yourself. Hope your dogs are keeping you company right now

Post edited by: zaylia, at: 07/09/2012 08:35 PM

So true Cheryl, we get real good at saying im ok' we should re learn how to ask for comfort ........for sure thinkin bout ya's <3

Thank you Zaylia and Neil.

This has been a tough week for me, for our family. I didn't want to 'muddy up' the daily thread so I decided to open up here.

As you know, my hubby had an endo/colon test which resulted in several biopsies. I am trying to stay on the positive side and not let my imagination run away with the horrors of what 'might' happen. But, the chances exist...it is possible that the 'C' word will soon become a part of our reality. It's that anticipation that is troubling because I have been thinking ahead in preparation...so that 'if' it happens it won't hurt as much. It sounds silly to think of it that way I suppose, but, how does a person prepare for bad news? Why can't I prepare myself for good news instead? Maybe it's a flawed personality or an odd way of coping.

I am trying to cope.

I am trying to feel.

I am trying to survive.

So, the words just sit on this computer screen. I stare at them and they stare at me. The 'C' word can be anything my mind tells it to be...Completely healed. That would be nice.

Cheryl, you are the strongest person that I know. I have never met someone that has been through so much and yet you continue to move forward while being an amazing wife and mother and a supportive friend to so many of us here. I admire you so much and I hope to be able to be half as strong and brave as you. I know that life seems to be unfair to some of us and I try to figure what the purpose of so much pain is. I know life is a series of lessons and experiences but sometimes it just seems like it is too much. I know that you are strong enough to get through whatever comes you way and you will be there for your family no matter what. Having said that though you deserve a break and some good news for once. I will always be here to talk if you need to vent or whatever.

Danielle, thank you.

I am proud of you. It sounds like things are going good for you. I am trying to fight for disability myself so i know how long it can be and tiring but i hope to get it soon too.