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05/04/2012 07:28 PM

Your very worst flashback/panic attack?(page 2)

KittenMittens
KittenMittens  
Posts: 21498
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It's interesting to see the different levels of healing that we are on. Recovery and healing is an individual journey and we need to talk about it in a safe environment. I am at a point in my recovery that I am able to discuss this with my Pdoc.

Am I the only one that lacks the ability to share this with the www? I can identify triggers but my flashbacks need to be integrated with the emotions during a pdoc session.

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05/04/2012 08:01 PM
jstsIm
jstsIm  
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I've been looking thru the threads, very WELL DONE!

I have been dxed with both Agor and PTSD, but I had had a brain injury that started everything unraveling...

I don't have "flashbacks" of memories. The memories are there and at times I am able to go back and deal with them. Yes, sometimes reliving the event, sometimes not.

Getting in a car however is a different thing entirely! The physical reaction is unbelieveable! Sweat dripping off of my clothing, my heart feeling like it will burst, the tears I still can't control! I have never cared one bit who sees me have a panic attack. But not being able to escape a situation, to get to a safe place, to be trapped outside any where can cause my legs to just stop moving! I have fallen flat on my face more times than I can count...

I've just started a new med. Namenda. It's for dementia and Alzheimers, but is also used for memory loss from many causes, like brain injuries...I'm hoping it helps withthe other things too, since they all came as a package....It takes 3 to6 months to see if there is any change,,,I'm just starting week 2.....


05/05/2012 07:07 AM
KittenMittens
KittenMittens  
Posts: 21498
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Thank you for the response Reba. Identifying what flashbacks are and what they aren't is something that we all struggle with. It's like several balls of yarn that are tightly knotted together. If you pull one string to loosen the knot it tugs on another area. We need to be mindful of the fragility of our memories while we try to release them.

05/05/2012 08:26 AM
jstsIm
jstsIm  
Posts: 7262
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I wasn't ble to write about the worst panic attack or flashback either! It's too hard right now. I have trigger "anniversaries" comming up in just a few days, and honestly, I'm trying either to not give it any notice at all, or trying to think it thru and put it in perspective...

My sister passed away 3 yeas ago the 13th of this month, my mothers b-day is the 7, the 7th is also the day my grandmother pased...I just found out last week a friend and old neighbor dies, and I need to call her husband,,,I lost my home 6 years ago on the 10th onf this month,,,and there is more, I try not to think of these triggers, but I wake up with them right in my face,,,May is always a challenge, but after it's over, I find I have worked thru some of my issues, I'm alittle more settled, a little mor at peace.

I am not trying to "fix" myseelf any more, which has take a huge load off my back...I'm not living in the past trying to be who I was before my illness, that was 15 years ago (almost) I would have grown, matured, had life lessons and become different anyway, so I've decided to let that part got, to live in the moment, enjoy today, and with The Creators Grace, I will see a future....


05/06/2012 01:32 AM
maya1
maya1  
Posts: 300
Member

My mother's birtday is May 10 used to be always on Mother's day. She passed away in 1995. so I know about triggers. I haven't had a full fledged panic attack for many years but one that I remember is getting off a bus and I couldn't breathe and said to someone I was having a heart attack. I passed out and woke up in the emergency room. The reason I remember this one which wasn't the worst is I lived in a small town on a small island and for months people would ask me if it was me who fell down off the bus. I couldn't explain to them what a panic attack was and I felt ashamed. Now, I could and do not hang my head in shame as a friend who took her life used to always say.

05/06/2012 08:09 AM
KittenMittens
KittenMittens  
Posts: 21498
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Thank you both for sharing. It has given me the courage to begin to think about this. Give me a few days and I will see what I come up with.

05/06/2012 08:20 AM
Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
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I am incredibly proud of all the sharing that's going on here......my worst panic attack was actually my first ever panic attack. I was eiether eight or ten (we all know that when we have PTSD some parts of the past like the age we were when something happened is hard to pinpoint) And we were in this movie theather, and the theather had these huge blood red curtains and these huge bloodred seats, and when the lights went down, I FREAKED. It actually looked more like a play theather that was converted into a movie theather. I remember crying, trying to escape, couldn't breathe, making such a big fuss that we had to leave the movie theather. My second worst was about two years ago, when I made the mistake of drinking alcohol when I was already anxious. That night i'll never forget, it was like all my flashbacks and nightmares came to life that night......NEVER ever drink alcohol when your on meds/already anxious. If you take nothing else from any of my advice, take that.

05/07/2012 08:58 AM
KittenMittens
KittenMittens  
Posts: 21498
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October 3, 2008

I was assaulted in a hallway at work.

My logical self and emotional self were torn apart.

The integrated part of myself is still there in that hallway.

a

I don't care if anyone is proud of me for stating that. The important part is that I am in the process of reintegrating myself through counseling. If you want to know more, read my profile. That is the beginning and ending of my sharing. Sad


05/07/2012 10:11 AM
Irishangel88
Irishangel88  
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We understand that this has to be at your pace......you didn't even have to share at all. And yes, I need to get working on the positive counterpart to this, my head just has a PULSE right now. Don't force yourself to do more than what your comfortable with Cheryl, we both know that if we push ourselves too far we can crash quite easily.

05/07/2012 10:42 AM
KittenMittens
KittenMittens  
Posts: 21498
VIP Member

Thanks Erin, I understand my choices when choosing to reveal the painful memories that are burned in my brain. Other specific revelations will only serve to reinforce the flashbacks/nightmares/panic.

As a co-founder of this group it's important for me to be an example for others as I take the difficult steps towards healing.

I would like to add that it is an important part of recovery to have a counselor/therapist/Pdoc to turn to when these emotionally charged memories are discussed so that a relapse can be prevented.

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