ok, I had a sort of success today  I have been so over tired this week. I'm going on about 2 hours of sleep each night. I've had to spend each day at my moms house this week... ( long story about safe people not being available) . Anyway....... After driving to my house to let the dogs out, I had to drive to town to the gas station  I REALLY didn't want to go because my panic is always on overload when I'm tired. But I decided to attempt it. It was a major fail to start off with. I started panicking when I was close to town. My mom was with me so I let her know I was starting to panic... hoping she would try to be supportive and maybe a little compassionate.... nope she was not lol. So I got to the gas station and was in full panic mode. I could NOT go in. So I pulled away and started to drive back home. I got a few blocks away and after a few mean words from my mother  I started to cry.... which I usually do when panic is bad. Then I got mad at myself and turned back around and went back to the gas station.... Freaking out the whole time, my leg was trembling so much I'm not sure how I drove lol... Got to the gas station let my mom go in for what she needed because I just couldn't go in for mine. But I called my friend Jan  and she talked me through it.... MADE me go into the gas station and I started to calm down..... drove back home and even though I panicked big time... I feel good that I made myself go back and accomplish what I set out to do And here is the funny part.... when I first started the drive I decided to play the "tag" game in my head while driving... So "tagged" the cable guys hard hat while he was on the side of the road (with my mind  ) The high schools sign, a truck that passed by, the library.... then it was game off for my freak out lol.... ~Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live. ~Nicolas de Chamfort
~Listen to what you know instead of what you fear. ~
Richard Bach |
