Agoraphobia Support Group

There has been something that has been weighing heavy on mind this past weekend and I sure could use your input, as I value it so very much. If you find an old friend that you knew from 10 years ago on facebook,( that you were super close with back then ) how do you feel? Do you expect anything to come of it? If you send them a message and they don't reply in a timely fashion, do you assume they just don't care? And how would it make you feel if you were still waiting for them to reply but instead of a message you receive... a slot o mania game request? what would you do then? Delete them? I know this shouldn't bother me as much as it does- but it in fact- does! I appreciate any responses!

~Xoxo~

Mimi

As you know, I don't have a facebook but my entire family does. One of my best friends from the past asked one of them if I wanted to come online and chat. They asked and I said 'no.' It wasn't because that I was angry at here or didn't have a great past relationship with her...it was just because I am in a different place in my life right now. I am glad that she is friends on FB with my family but my life is different now. I don't have the energy to extend more than a 'tell her Hi'.

I'm not sure what the entire FB rules of conduct are concerning social interaction but it is possible that their life is in a different place too and their lack of response is a reflection of that. I say....play the slot o mania game and see what happens after that. Finding old friends is the greatest part of FB so I wouldn't delete them...just get to know who they are now.

Mimi,

I found my "bestest" friend ever on my space a couple of years ago. I requested her friendship, and she did accept. I even got to talk on the phone with her a couple of times. I thought everything was going great, and all of a sudden she quit talking to me. I would message her, and nothing. I would call her phone, and get the voice mail, and never a call back. It was very hurtful, because I really thought we were connecting again.

I agree with Kittens. As you have evolved in your life, your friend has too. Sometimes, things are better left alone. Had my friend just not accepted my request, it would have been much less hurtful than what she did. I moved to facebook and she is on there, friends with many of my other school friends, but she will not acknoledge me at all.

If that person doesn't respond to you, and just wants to send you game requests, it is their loss! If they knew what a wonderful person you were, they would be knocking down your door to be your friend. Too bad for them!

I agree with both of you- I know people change and grow.. but it still hurts me so because I really really loved this person and it just hurts so bad that time has done this.. I guess some things I haven't learned to move on from and I need to work on that! I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same way.. Thanks so much for your responses.

Mimi, I hear your confusion. I don't get it either. But they just may be really busy right now too.

I agree with the others here. Best to just let it go.

I feel like a slug now.. I'm was honest enough when some called me after about 10 years of not hearing from them I flat out told her that I found out about all the lies she had told me in the past and I didn't trust her. I didn't have any need to reconnect. (I hate liars) That was mean, but honest.

Yeah I see I'm just gonna have to let it go.. I might have to delete them even though I'm not mad.. I can't look at them with out getting all nostalgic and shit.. not good for me and my depression.. I guess I never should have friend requested them in the first place. ** Sigh ** The past is in the past for a reason right?

After dealing with agoraphobia for four years I've found that all the friendships I had dissolved pretty quickly with no communication for long enough. Even before agoraphobia I wasn't the best at keeping in touch with people and I've found it really doesn't matter how close I was to them then... things change.

Still, I wouldn't assume anything. Have you sent them a message? It seems like lots of people connect with people on facebook simply to connect with them. There have been lots of people that send me a friend request and I never hear from them again.

I also try to remember that it is possible other people have just as much trouble communicating as I do. I'm not saying it's common, but it is possible. I have MAJOR trouble initiating any kind of communication, and I know that sometimes people take offense because of that. So when it happens to me I just try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Who knows, maybe it's just as hard for them to get in touch as it is for me. I'm not naive, I know in most cases that's not true, but I always remember that it's a possibility.

Hi Mimi

Did you write to her and ask her what she has been doing sence you saw her last?? Comment on her pics? Maybe she is a little leary and doesn't really understand what we all have........worth a try, right??

Yes Kevin I have sent them a message.. that's what I was waiting for. But instead of getting a reply, I got a stupid game request. I thought we were really close back in the day.. so I figured.. Ughhhhhhh I dunno what I thought!!!

Hi Canadian Yes I wrote her and asked her.. no answer.

I have one more possible explanation Mimi..maybe this person is slow to respond because they want to forget about or distance themselves from that part of their life..not because of you but just the times in general .I have done this with old school friends who have tried to get in touch again..its not their fault ,it's just that they remember this confident ,bubbly girl..but that's not who I really was ,life was pretty much daily trauma back then but I didn't talk about it..and I sure as heck don't want old faces reminding me of those days now..or god forbid ,wanting to be nostalgic with me ..for me the past is the past and I really want to leave it alone..maybe it's the same for your friend...just a thought .