Agoraphobia Support Group

I guess this is a area where I can make a quick introduction. I just joined the forum. I haven't even completed the profile area yet. The reason I am here is because I feel like my generalized and social anxiety is leading me quickly down a path to being house bound. To the point where I would rather not go outside and deal with all of the craziness of the day. And all of the different people, attitudes, and misunderstandings that so many seem to hold.

My anxiety has worsened over the years and a loss of my last job 3 yrs ago along with a strong feeling of inadequacy and defeatism has made me almost throw in the towel. It has slowly kept me inside for longer and longer spells. There are alot of factors that have played into this deterioration. Loss of my girlfriend, we had a bad breakup and she moved out. Initially tried to find another job but after months of failed interviews my shell and my walls built up even stronger. The fact that my family, especially my mother, looks and talks to me like I am a overall failure. This doesn't even touch on societies ideas and ideals for being a " successful" "normal" person.

So, I've come here to seek support and hopefully join a forum with people sharing some of these same issues as I because I really don't want to be isolated, alone, and a hermit. But it almost seems like that is going to be my lot in life. I have very few friends. Right now I would say 2 that I talk to and my family, which I am blessed to have.

Thanks for having me!!!

Welcome!

You have no idea how much your story is like mine. Insert a few other words here and there. I used to think I could pin point what exactly the problem is, but it's all fuzzy now. Like you said.. people.. attitudes.. misunderstandings... etc... they all make us want to stay home where we don't have to face them because we are tired of doing just that.

Self-assigned time out?!

Thanks guys. I haven't even really started to browse the forums. So, I'll have to look around. Yes, I do hope to beat this mind trap and to continue to grow into the person I truly am.It's just a long process because alot of my attributes and my true essence,as a unique and creative person. It is buried deep inside of me, my soul. I truly believe that everyone has something to give and that there is always something I can learn from every individual. I am not one to drown in my sorrow. It's just that sometimes it can be quite overwhelming. Especially when life's difficult issues rear their head and there's already a cluster f*** of a mess in my own head! And I have come to a pretty major junction right now. This is probably the most difficult time I have ever had in my life with my situational and psychological state in the red.

Thanks again for the hellos!!!

Oh God yeah!

Especially with the mom or parent stuff!

I don't feel like my mom ever recognized how much I tried or how successful I was.

Which for me to do what I did was a huge accomplishment.

I basically collapsed under pressure and then when I was so ill I couldn't take care of me or my kids then she really dogged on me which just crushed me to the bone.

I am still very hurt by that and just try to stay away from them.

It's really sad that it took us buying a $250,000.00 home for them to even recognize that me and my husband exist.

Then she's all of a sudden all ga ga over husband saying oh you should do this and that for him.

I helped get us to where we are but it does not matter.

Whatever-the way my husband spends money I just pray everyday we don't lose everything.

Welcome-I guess I don't have any answers but my best advice would be don't kill yourself trying to please others.

Or to try to prove your worth to anyone-it just seems to be an unhealthy unnecessary path.

Hi and welcome.

I can join the band wagon on the mom issues. For me it is healthier not to have contact with her at all. You found the right group. People here are great. Have you seen a therapist? They can help you more than you think.

Cheryl V.

I haven't seen a therapist in probably a year. I was going to a group CBT class but without insurance I could not afford it. I also think some one on one therapy would help me greatly. Classroom settings with a room full of strangers almost sends me straight into a panic attack. Much less even thinking about opening up to people I don't even know. Because everyone has to participate and share. If I am around a therapist and maybe one or two other non-threatening (my perception)people. Than I can be all right but that is the limit.

This hole I feel like I am digging. It has just been a gradual buildup of severe social and generalized anxiety over the years. # years ago, I was laid off from my job as a contract loader. The job was draining me mentally with the cut throat managers. It was also weakening me physically. It was the most physically demanding job I have ever had. I was lifting 60 pound bags of dry concrete, moving and loading all sorts of wood,and other heavy lifting for contractors, 8hrs a day. The job was meant for an 18-22 yr old. Not for someone in his 30's like myself.

While working at that job I suffered a pinched nerve in my back, two degenerative disks, and a hernia. That job broke me physically and mentally/psychologically. After I was layed off, I applied at places. I had about 4 interviews and no luck. I was beat down even more. My girlfriend at the time said that i should take time off and she would handle the bills. We lived in my house with the mortgage already paid off. So, we basically had 4 bills to pay, not bad.

During this time my psychiatrist recommended that I should apply for government assistance. I am waiting on a hearing before a magistrate and it can take up to 10 months. Anyway during this time my relationship with my girlfriend fell apart. She lived here for another year and a half paying rent, which I paid the bills with. During this whole 3 yr period alot of changes were happening with my mentality. No longer having to go to a job. I started going out less and less. The few friends I had dwindled down to two. My comfort zone and pleasure became my house unless I went out cycling. Well my ex moved out leaving me in a very problematic situation.

I had been having a moderate depressive bout for a few months. My SAD and GAD continued to worsen. She didn't pay any rent for the last month and a half. She left on April 30 and now I feel even more isolated and I have bills backed up because she skipped out on me.

I am lucky I have a caring family that is helping me out right now. But after living 3 yrs with someone I was totally comfortable around and now just alot of emptiness and space in the house is hard on me.

Can you find a place that offers free therapy. I have no insurance either and called 211( here in the states) and found an organization that offers free therapy and they sent me to a psychiatrist that works on a sliding scale. I understand how hard it can be, I suggest baby steps. Can you apply for public assistance to help with food? Last year I couldn't even get out of the house, now I can go for small walks and to the mailbox, sometimes I will go into a small store. You must push yourself to get out before the Agoraphobia takes over and the recovery will be longer. Cheryl V.

Wow it would be great if you could find another roommate or two? Until you get things worked out even temporary.

I'm in the states also,Colorado. And I see your screen name. I also love cats. That is animal I have, my black female cat-Midnight. What you have mentioned about assistance has been an issue with my family also. This is one of the parts that concern me the most. In the past I have been in between jobs. I would go out job hunting everyday. I went down and filled out the paperwork for food stamps and got them. Shortly thereafter I found a job.

This time it's so different. I have been out of work for the longest period of time in my life. I mentioned about having a SSI hearing in around 10 months. It took me so long to get motivated just to fill out the forms. I would just look at all the paperwork and let it sit. I finally plowed through them. Went to the SSI preconference interview and am now waiting. I have had my food stamp packet sitting on my table for two weeks. I feel defeated, lethargic and completely apathetic about trying to get things done. It's like I finally hit the breaking point after all these years of hard work and mental instability. And I have just thrown my hands up "No mas", no more.

It really does concern me and worry me. First I know I have know one to blame for not getting this stuff done but myself. Second, like I said, in the past I would be all over it. Determined, ready to start the day, the old saying "Pick yourself up by your bootstraps boy". It's gone something deep inside me, as far as trying to function in this society anymore, started disappearing. It started when that last job tore me down. And I felt it. And I kept feeling the decline. I have never felt that way but I had no motivation or enough willpower to try to turn it around.

I think some people just run out of steam. And the wear and tear on peoples lives and the go,go,go of the daily grind here just wears people out. Everyone has a different constitution. Living in a large city working blue collar jobs my whole life along with the bigger, better, faster, get to the top mentality of this culture has strung me out. I have always been hypersensitive and had SAD as a grade school child even though I didn't know what to call it than.

Abusive father who left the family when I was three. Another man completely opposite of my original, a real father figure. Who my mom left when I was 14 because she didn't love him. He just disappeared. Never came around to see me again. i think it was to painful for him. And this right before puberty.

Thats why I have such a fear of abandonment. It's because it happened all through my childhood. Thats just my story. Trust me I know there are alot worse. There are terrible things that a human will do to another. There are children starving to death in Somalia. There are men that wake up everyday in third world country not knowing if they will get there head blown off today.

I do see a psychiatrist about once every two months which isn't enough but my family pays for it. I really would benefit from weekly sessions with a good psychologist. I really should start looking into that. The mental health aid for people without insurance is pretty bad.

So, I have tom put it in the right context. But everybody's pain is real and everyone has a right to live a happy life. I am grateful for everything I have my family, my few friends, my cat, a house, food but mental disorders are a nasty bug to get rid of. And it really likes to f888 with your head.

I have had this feeling that you describe and it's something that maybe not sure why I'm saying this a young person would not understand.

I did get out there and push through and went for my dreams.

I fought hard and got knocked down over and over again and I kept getting back up.

It made me weaker and weaker and then to the point where you just start to question what is the point.

I've tried I did it I was successful.

I actually got sick on the job but didn't give up I was determined to go back.

I would go down at work with horrible symptoms and go right back to work.

I tried to hang in there and not give uo to the point I'd be there at work with heart beating out of my chest thinking this is so foolish the next time my children see me I'm going to be in a body bag.

Well I backed off my hours and off until well heck it's been a year and a half since I worked.

You know I don't know how to feel about it.

Was it a success? Was it a failure.

I pushed til my body could not go any more and like you I'm not sure I will ever be physically what i was.

For me and maybe you too it's time to regroup and reinvent.

I'm not sure what all that means yet but realize it's a process.

Post edited by: damselndistress, at: 05/09/2012 05:52 AM