Agoraphobia Support Group

Struggling to keep it together. I'm supposed to be on a 3 day vacation with my wife but I'm a mess. I am desperately wanting to go home and avoid the fear I feel. What am I afraid of? Feeling "different" and "out of sorts" I suppose. I keep getting myself so anxious I panic. It makes me feel crazy. But I know it's just because I'm not in my familiar surroundings, in a familiar routine.

Is this common? Is there hope? I'm in my late 30s and I haven't seemed to kick this problem yet. Avoidance works, but feels like a failure.

I want to go home - but I'm stuck here for 2 more days. My poor wife.

Sorry to ramble. Just feeling really hopeless at the moment - and frustrated.

Hang in there AZ ...all of us know what its like to feel like your letting loved ones down....at least you had the courage to go in the beginning ...i feel the same way sometimes, that avoiding is failure...but overall i think that just as long as you keep trying thats all that matters, just a couple more days ...try to occupy your mind if you can ...hang in there man, post as much as you can .....we're thinking bout ya

Hi ...... I hope you're able to find a way to calm yourself and enjoy the time away with your wife. Like Neil said, we are all so familiar with that feeling of disappointing others.

Sometimes being away from our familiar surroundings will throw us off enough to cause that overwhelming panic. I've done that myself when I used to travel. Try to tell yourself that you WANT to be away and enjoy this time with your wife. Change the negative thoughts that panic is planting in your mind.

I found some coping skills that I'll copy and paste here for you... sorry it's sort of long, but I've been in your shoes myself and I know how you're feeling. I hope there's something here that might help you even if just a little bit

When Anxiety is Near:

General Statements

I’m going to be all right. My feelings are not always rational. I’m just going to relax, calm down, and everything will be all right.

Anxiety is not dangerous -- it’s just uncomfortable. I am fine; I’ll just continue with what I’m doing or find something more active to do.

Right now I have some feelings I don’t like. They are really just phantoms, however, because they are disappearing. I will be fine.

Right now I have feelings I don’t like. They will be over with soon and I’ll be fine. For now, I am going to focus on doing something else around me.

That picture (image) in my head is not a healthy or rational picture. Instead, I’m going to focus on something healthy like _________________________.

I’ve stopped my negative thoughts before and I’m going to do it again now. I am becoming better and better at deflecting these automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) and that makes me happy.

So I feel a little anxiety now, SO WHAT? It’s not like it’s the first time. I am going to take some nice deep breaths and keep on going. This will help me continue to get better."

Statements to use when Preparing for a Stressful Situation

I’ve done this before so I know I can do it again.

When this is over, I’ll be glad that I did it.

The feeling I have about this trip doesn’t make much sense. This anxiety is like a mirage in the desert. I’ll just continue to "walk" forward until I pass right through it.

This may seem hard now, but it will become easier and easier over time.

I think I have more control over these thoughts and feelings than I once imagined. I am very gently going to turn away from my old feelings and move in a new, better direction.

Statements to use when I feel overwhelmed

I can be anxious and still focus on the task at hand. As I focus on the task, my anxiety will go down.

Anxiety is a old habit pattern that my body responds to. I am going to calmly and nicely change this old habit. I feel a little bit of peace, despite my anxiety, and this peace is going to grow and grow. As my peace and security grow, then anxiety and panic will have to shrink.

At first, my anxiety was powerful and scary, but as time goes by it doesn’t have the hold on me that I once thought it had. I am moving forward gently and nicely all the time.

I don’t need to fight my feelings. I realize that these feelings won’t be allowed to stay around very much longer. I just accept my new feelings of peace, contentment, security, and confidence.

All these things that are happening to me seem overwhelming. But I’ve caught myself this time and I refuse to focus on these things. Instead, I’m going to talk slowly to myself, focus away from my problem, and continue with what I have to do. In this way, my anxiety will have to shrink away and disappear.

from phobics-awareness.org/copingtechniques

VERY COMMON!!!! and NOT DANGEROUS! Try to remember that.

Also try not to analyze all the why-s. There is no good reason for anxiety or panic. We just need to learn how to cope. Acknowledge your physical symptoms and give into them the best you can. Relax your body, shoulders down... Then say to yourself "Whatever happens, happens". Give up the need to control your emotions or feelings. It is the constant need to hold on to the control that puts an enormous strain on your brain and keeps the anxiety going. If you surrender, you break the mind-body cycle. You body might be telling you to run home but you don't need to reinforce it with thoughts of danger. This is a DISORDER, hence it makes no sense... and no guilt! Your wife is just fine I am sure!

devlin,

Thanks for replying so quickly today. Yeah my anxiety was at a 10 overnight and about a 9 when I wrote earlier today. It's frustrating feeling like an out of control emotional toddler.

I am doing better this evening. I'm still at a 5 or 6 - sort of on "high alert" - but I'm improving. I am a little worried about the night ahead, but encouraged in a way to have "survived" today.

In AZ

Anna,

It's so tough to not analyze! I want to know why and you're right it just makes me more anxious. There's not a good reason to be afraid and I think sometimes I just find the whys lead me to think I'm "broken" - which doesn't do much to help me relax. I will try your advice tonight and tomorrow.

Conn,

How are you at traveling today? If you've seen improvement, how did you do it? What did you do when you faced setbacks? This trip has been a setback of sorts for me... yesterday and this morning were the worst I've felt in years and years. This makes it tough to not feel hopeless...

Thank you all for taking an interest. As I sit here in my hotel room on wifi I feel a sense of relief and I'm breathing easier just expressing some of this stuff.

In AZ

well I have to be honest...... right now I am not able to travel at all... I miss it so much ! So I admire you that you took this trip. So now the key is to be able to control the panic and get it to a level where you can enjoy this time away with your wife. I have faced set backs in just about every area of my agor so I have really been working on the self talk.... pushing out the negative thoughts and lots of distraction.

Enjoy your time, take in the scenery..... I've been to Arizona , it's beautiful there. My parents owned property in Fountain Hills for a while when I was much younger .... I spent 2 weeks traveling all around Arizona..... Fountain Hills, Phoenix, Flagstaff.......

Feel the fear and do it anyway......fake it till you make it.

Way to go AZ, you got through the day ...i hope the night turned out to be OK for too ...let us know, use everything you've got ma man to get through ! dig deep

Yes! Come and express your feelings here. I am glad you did that. Letting out these fears and emotions is important. I am glad you are "surviving"! Now try to enjoy it a little.