Agoraphobia Support Group

Jencarlene, Agorophobic.

I make a point of going out at least once a day and I have succeeded so far.

I still can't get over that I had spent 8 years in treatment trying to deal with it and it never helped!

that was because my root cause ws not addressed: abuse and relationship addiction.

going out was to me like being an alcoholic and going toa bar.

Now that I am addressing my issues, the ag is going away.

For me, it is not merely a mental illness.

It is caused by environmental factors.

For me.

J.

Dear Jen,

I hear what you are saying. At some point it is crucial to dig deep inside. We might not be able to find the exact root cause for this illness but we can all identify the core beliefs that are holding us back. That was the key for me. Once I recognized how I felt about myself, my worth and the world around me, my attitude, I was able to address "Why?". Being able to do that was liberating for me.

I am so glad you are making this awesome progress, keep it up. Awareness is everything. SO happy for you my friend.

Thank you for sharing and opening yourself up! It is difficult for anyone to dig deep through the pain to actually find and identify their core issue.

Cheryl

Jen, thanks for your honesty. When you say that the root issues weren't being dealt with, and then you did start dealing with them, how did you do so, and what was the difference. I'm sure you knew the issues were there, but how do you get past them ? Do you make peace with the past? Address it? If you can share any thought, it would be helpful.

I never really could find one specific thing was the cause of my agoraphobia but I think it had a lot to do with the alcohol in the family, the fighting, abuse, never being able to relax (feeling like walking on egg shells all the time is how I describe it), never knew when you might set someone off. Now being able to show emotions and cry. Then I think the major trigger was my grandfather who I seen as my father passed away.

I would also like to know how to make peace with the past.

No, I can't say I quite made peace, but I have made peace with myself.

All I can say is when I joined a 12 step program for relationship addiction @ slaaonline.org and really began to talk about my abuse issues, I stopped feeling like this desperat approval-seeker and began to be brave enough to go out.

Also, I had to hit bottom.

I got soooo tired of hiding in my room!

Between findig the root adn wanting to go out so badly---AND asking myself, "Is this as good as it gets? No!" And "what's wrong with this picture? I hide in my room---while abusers run about free!"

J.

I agree. It is not about making peace with the past either. It is about working on yourself. Making peace with you, with your feelings and sorrows. Accepting yourself unconditionally. Recognizing your value. Speaking out while being true to your needs.

Ridding yourself of shame, guilt, negativity. Recognizing you are important despite your limitations. Giving yourself the love we all crave from the outside world. We have stop waiting to be rescued, we can rescue ourselves.

Mine was caused by a combination of child abuse and family genetics.

I have never heard of relationship addiction. I wonder if that's what I have. I always need someone to approve of me and give me attention. Good point to think about....

Destry,

When I think of your situation and how you grew up with such a critical mother, it makes sense that you have an issue with wanting approval. She was your primary role model and didn't accept you. I'm assuming she also has some deep-seated insecurities. Maybe she wanted to see you be the perfect person that she could not be. Of course that is irrational, but I see so many people affected by child abuse. I know you have a great commitment to the cause as well.

Kody,

Walking on eggshells. All the time. These people (for me, one parent and a crazy grandmother) yelling, acting out, drinking -- how can a child feel safe at all? I had Mom to lean on and when the old man was out getting drunk and wasn't home (this was after we had lived with my grandmother), it was peaceful, loving, and fun.

I would say at Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings that I lived a true dichotomy -- total abuse from one parent; just the opposite with Mom. I don't remember her ever yelling at me. That's the truth.

What a gift that we can all support each other I have made much peace with my past. The key, for me, was healing the shame I carried.