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05/13/2008 07:09 PM

need a favor..just advice will do

missashley
missashley  
Posts: 39
Member

SO, as some of my buddies on here know Im going through a tough time, going in and out of shelters, sleeping in my car, having friends pick me up to go to stay at their house, etc. BUT, I may have gotten a permanent residence...with a friend. THe rent is good for this area, its not out of my comfort zone..and i think it will be good. But I have a problem. i dont drive. I truly do not drive. I go about a block, then turn back. Sometimes Im not even nervous..i just turn back. friends drive me everywhere. I feel stupid about it. I feel ashamed over it. I just hate it. I havent been to a grocery store or even a liquor store or coffee house or anyting in oer 2 years alone. Yes two years..actually..maybe its a little more now. Im oonly 24. And believe me it sucks to have this problem. How do i brake through this barrier? I cant even make it to this new persons house to drive and move in! I can not physically leave this neighborhood I grew up in alone. I dont know why. Its killing me. Thank god I have good friends that take care of me and help me get out...but I want to drive to their house alone and not think twice about it. The market is litteraly down the road. If a friend is following behind me in their car and I am in front, I can drive alone. But There is no way Ican do it absolutly alone. I need to fix this problem in like a weeks time. I know Im putting pressure on myself, but I have to move, so i need to get going on this. the house that im moving to is probably ten min from my house i grew up in. Im going to need to get a job to pay for rent...but I dont drive, i cant take ublic transportation (dont feel safe with people I dont know) and I cant walk alone...(I have a major fear of being alone too). Im just feeling so flustered..every time I talk about I cry because I never used to be like this!! Youre listening to the girl that one day up and moved to LA to pursue my school of dreams against my parents wishes. And then shortly decided I wanted to move 3000 miles away to move to new york on a whim. This is not what I used to be like. i was so care free! the world was my adventure. I wanted to spend a year in europe just working from itchen to kitchen to get experience. Now I cant even drive down the freaking street to go get groceries. What do I do to stop this? I dont know how to physically force myself to get past that hurdle? How do I do this?? I have to fix this. Please someone give me some advice other than brething techniques and popping a pill. ANd i should note that its not like I start having a panic attack...i just cant do it. I cant break past that point. My body freezes. its too much. Sometimes I wonder if I just DONT want to get better? but that sounds absurd. Someone help..im really reaching here...help.

sorry its long...

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05/13/2008 07:41 PM
nathansmom
nathansmom  
Posts: 111
Member

Well Ashley I think what you need right now is some tough love with yourself. You need to make a change in your life you really have no choice. Right hun??

You have to spend some time with yourself talking yourself up. YOU CAN DO THIS

THis is the same girl that went to DisneyLAnd and made it through Remember????

Remember how good you felt??

Stop all negative self talk,,,,, if you need to call me on the phone we can go 2 blocks TOGETHER>

I will talk you through it.,, Ashley you are strong so strong,,, you need to get that back. You are so young and so talented.... Please make this choice to do something positive for yourself.

Get your ring of friends around you to help you. LEAN ON THEM>>

Ashley now is YOUR TIME YOUR TIME

YOU CAN DO THIS Cheerful


05/14/2008 07:52 AM
amandajo
amandajo  
Posts: 24
Member

Ashley, have you ever read that in the definition of Agoraphobia....it reads FEAR OF THE MARKETPLACE? i think thats kinda funny in my situation, cuz one trip to a grocery store one day changed my life forever. However, in your case...its not funny. You have a passion for cooking. It would be like a singer being afraid of the stage. You have crossed some SERIOUS hurdles at only 24! Youve done things I wouldve been afraid of BEFORE my doom day. I am very impressed. I need a little more info to completely understand, like what was your trigger (if any)? Do you you have something in your past that you believe brought on this fear of driving? Have you noticed that all of the women in here can give such wise and encouraging advice to one another...but we dont apply it ourselves! In my case, I cant say that i really WANT to leave my house. Maybe my hubby is an enabler because he takes care of me in a way that allows me to remain in my safe place, but since I have him and Im doing my only job requirement in life (mother/cook/maid/nurturer) I dont have to push myself. But, Ashley, you do. In a way, my situation may be hindering any progress. Here you are faced with fearing something you are about to HAVE to do. You have no choice, do you? When i logged on here, i read the hug you sent me before I read this post of yours...and it sounded like 2 different people. We just sometimes need to be negative...if this thing came with only positivity...it wouldnt be a disorder, right? So you have a week you said until the move....if you need to roll around in your fears for a day...thats ok. But I truly believe that our strongest weapon in this is our attitude. So when it really counts, you gotta tell yourself THATS ENOUGH. Or decide youre not moving. I think you know you have to do this, and whats really scary about fearing something is having too much time to think about it. I know that feeling, dread. You say you physically cannot do this. I disagree, your body works fine...its your mind that is freezing, not your body. We may have lost the ability to control our minds like we used to, but you can still tell your feet to move! Your heart may race and your chest may hurt...but the faster its done, the faster you can move on. And the better you will feel about yourself. They say take baby steps. Sometimes in real life, you just cant. I know that it wont be easy, but you gotta stop saying CANT. I dont which of us is worse off here with your CANT and my WONT, LOL. I have no doubt that you will be fine. There's no magic potion unfortunately, and even if you wanted the pills..they arent magic either (i knew that as a nurse and i found it out as a patient). All you can do is what youve already done, you are in here expressing your fears and asking for advice. You arent lying down and just taking it...so have a little more belief in yourself. We believe in you. Do exactly what you would advise one of us to do if we needed the same help...i think it would be a little like the encouraging words you left for me. Get out there and dont let YOUR attacker win, whatever it is in your case Wink
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