Agoraphobia Support Group

I joined the panic and anxiety group about a month ago and have posted there a few times.. I found this group last night and it really fits for me..

My story is probably the same or close the same as everyone elses...

I started having panic attacks around 18-19 years old.. Standing in the tupperware aisle at Wal Mart almost 11 years ago with my daughter who was only about a year old then~ I began sweating, felt like I couldnt breathe, heart was pounding, the entire store seemed like it was spinning around me, and my legs felt like jello as I tried to make my way to the checkout.. I barely remember writing the check to pay for my stuff and then I was in the car on my way home-scared to death of course. I told my husband about it and we just chalked it up as stress.. I went to work the next day to the job that I LOVED as a Certified Pharmacy Tech at CVS Pharmacy. Everything was fine for a few weeks but then it happened again at work.. I walked out of the pharmacy and through the store to get outside to my car.. Again, I felt all the symptoms but this time I felt a little different~ almost like I was floating to the front of the store.. Very weird I know. I quit my job that day and never went back. Very dumb move.. Anyway, I became agoraphobic and would hardly go anywhere and HATED to be alone. Somewhere in between all the chaos, I got pregnant with my second daughter.. Being pregnant somehow made everything better, maybe because I had to go to regular doctor visits and knew there was no way to have a baby in the comfort of my own home...

Things were better (or somewhat better) for about 8 years.. I could volunteer at my childrens school, buy my groceries, work part time for my grandmother,go out to eat with my husband, and go shopping with my kids.. I still avoided the backs of some stores~ Target was the worst and Wal Mart was a tough one because thats where the first panic attack happened.I also didnt drive by myself except on rare occasions..

Things were going pretty great until about a year ago..

My husband and I were shopping for the new house we were under conctract to purchase (but we later backed out on) and I started to feel sick.. Not sure what was wrong, I just told him I was ready to go.. We got in the car (less than 1 mile from home) and right before we turned on to our street,it happened..The panic attack hit. Worst one I had in YEARS!! I wasnt sure if I wanted to lean the car seat back or open the door and just get out of the car ~ which was not a good idea since the car was still moving..

So here I am now, a little over a year since the incident and I barely leave the house.. Sad to say but I havent bought my own groceries since that day.. I go on short trips every night, we ride through the shopping centers near my house and down alot of the side roads, neve rmore than about a mile from home...

Im dying to get out and go shopping or go to dinner with my family BUT I dont want to screw myself up any worse so Im taking baby steps to get back to where I need to be.. Somedays I dont even want to go on the short ride but I try to make myself atleast do that much..

I do not take any medication and I dont see a doctor regularly.. I guess Im self medicating..

My husband and children are very supportive. They are normal so they get aggravated sometimes but they try really hard not to get discouraged with me.

I thought the forum would be a great place to talk to others with the same problems and maybe feel like someone "really" understands me for once.

Sorry for the long post~ I really tried to make it shorter.. But I wanted to give everyone some kind of idea about why Im here...as if you couldnt already guess..

I look forward to talking to all of you and hopefully making some new friends!

DANA!!!!!!

You have found friends! You have, ones that completely get you and understand you. We all know this struggle and it is so reassuring to know we are not alone!

I am so happy to see when someone finds us. This is such a supportive group. We are so open and up for anything. An ear to listen, a hand to hold and so much more. We will cry with you and you can bet we will laugh with you too. So much of our lives revolves around sadness, that it is good to get goofy, to feel like we are normal and not as trapped as our minds will have us believe we are.

I encourage you to read the "Physiology of Panic" entry in my diary, because I know it has helped me and others on here. It is a good reminder of why even though we are afraid, we are safe.

Please read as much as you can, and post often. No need to hold anything back, nothing is off limits.

Once again, welcome, it is great to have you with us.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is very familiar. Keep facing the world with hope.

Anna

Thanks Anna!

I read your diary entry last night, it is very helpful and very familiar to what I've been told since the beginning of all this...

Now...If I can just get my brain to believe it..

that damn tupperware, not only have i lost the lids or melted them now it causes panic attacks. dana what the hell were you in walmart for anyway! joke! i just wanted to say hi. i cant rid you of panic but i can be a good friend and beg you to stay with us. pleeeeeease dont go! seriously hang around and somebody will surely say something smart very soon. big hug and a warm welcome, silver

I know love LOL. That brain is very stubborn, but just remember, we control it. It wants to be the boss, but too bad!!!!! I am sure when the rest of the agors wake up you will get a lot of welcomes!!!!! I love your picture!!! There is one lovely, happy woman! You go girl!

Hi and Welcome Dana! Glad you found us. As you can see we are friendly and so very, very strange. LOL I hope being here with all us other agoraphobes helps you find some peace and understanding, I love being here, it helps so much. I would write more but I am having an attack right now. so sorry. will be back soon to finish welcoming you.

OMG Angie, I hope you are kidding!!! If not, breathe babe, slow and easy, relax those shoulders and surrender!!!!! I still hope you are kidding though....

Thanks for the welcome everyone!!

Silver~ You're right! That tupperware is to blame for it all!! lol

Angie, I hope you're ok and I really hope it wasn't my story that brought on the attack. Seriously, I hope you're ok and the feelings pass quickly!!

I plan on staying and learning from all of you! I try not to let this 'condition' define me and I love to laugh..(Most of the time, I am laughing at myself) I've had so many people tell me that "Theres just no way something like this could be wrong with you, You seem so happy" haha, If they only knew~ I am happy about everything except for the fact that I cant leave the house very easily..

Dana,

I read your story and I am amazed at how much I can identify with you. I haven't been grocery shopping for over a month. Even then, my husband was with me and I couldn't finish. We had to check out before we were done. I had to leave the store while he paid. I venture out to local places in the neighborhood, and still feel uncomfortable even then. My husband and son are great, but it doesn't feel very good to have to depend on your kids or your husband for everything, even if it's running down and picking up take-out for dinner. I have to plan my doctor appointments around my husband's schedule, and that seems to be the only thing he shows a little annoyance about. Otherwise, he is great. I am forced to take my son to school and pick him up each day. The school is only about 5 minutes away so you would think that wouldn't be a problem but it is a lot of times. He will be driving himself next month. So now I'm afraid that if I don't have to get out to at least do that every day, I'll become even more secluded. I do take medication, but it doesn't help much at all. I'm new here, too, so hopefully we can both find support, advice, and gain strength from others here. It's a hard road to travel alone. Have a great day and stay strong.

Lisa

You like fun???!!!! Go to our Camp Agor Update ! thread. Get in there and see what job you would like to apply for. What are you good at? What is your dream??? That is our place, perhaps imaginary, perhaps NOT.......... Come on, come home!!!! I am the construction gal. I must say I do a very good job!