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05/09/2008 09:06 AM

last night i flashed back

Posts: 24

A few weeks ago, one of the jurors in the trial that put my rapist away found me on Myspace. She was very young then and I remember her because on the day the trial ended, as soon as the jury was allowed to approach me she went around my neck and we cried together...she trembled and i could feel how genuinely hurt for me she was. Ive never forgotten that. She came to my house for a visit last night and we cried together again. She told me things I never had a way of knowing before. Like that in the beginning of the jurys man only wanted to sentence him for 10 yrs (he was sentenced 99). She told me a lot and had alot of questions for me. I have such a headache from crying last night, mostly after she left. It was a flashback for sure. And I was a little ashamed of what she saw, Im not the strong girl who she saw on the stand. I wish I couldve showed her that Ive moved on and that I didnt let it get me down. Instead, Ive turned down her invites to lunch because I cant handle getting out of my own house...anyway, she understood and came here. My husband sat with us for a while, but we had a chance to sit alone and its so easy to talk to her about the rape because she ALREADY knows every detail (and she wanted to hear what i had to say). That was my night and I look forward to getting to know her better. Hope everyone is having a great day

05/09/2008 01:36 PM


I want it to be alright for you to stop giving yourself a hard time. To find strength, or need to appear strong after this kind of violation is not necessary. Nobody expects this from you. You are a wonderful mother, a loving wife and a person with a heart for others who struggle in their situations. You showed how strong you are when it really mattered. You took that vile person off of the streets so he can't hurt another person ever again. You are a hero in my book. There is strength, even in your tears.

I am so happy that you are getting to know this person. She sounds incredibly caring and understanding.

I'm hoping that you are having a great day too.

05/09/2008 02:44 PM
chevyPosts: 36

Dear AmandaJo,

I am so glad that you have someone to talk to and that understands what you've been through. God sends us people that we need to help us to get through certain events in our lives. I hope this woman can be that person for you.

I wish you the best while trying to heal. I'll be praying for you. And I know its hard to let people see you cry but sometimes that really helps us heal. Wishing you the best...

05/09/2008 07:05 PM
Posts: 111

Amanda, I cryed as I read your post! I hope you are ok.

I am sure this will bring a lot of healing for you


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