I have a problem

I hope everyone is feeling some peace and not too much anxiety.

I have a problem and not sure that I can overcome it.

I had just started going out for half an hour a week to take riding lessons for the disabled.

My very dear friends horse, her love, died of a twisted gut at the weekend.

We have cried so much together. I had to cancel my lesson yesterday, I couldn't face it.

Agoraphobia is now telling me that something like that will happen and I don't want to go again.

It has always upset me that I have to kick my horse to send him messages to trot or go faster.

I'm confused because my friend says I should never have to do that.

Prince, the horse that died was a black fresian show horse 15.3 hands and only 8 and a champion.

My friends life is in tatters.

Please can someone offer advice?

Thank you,

Caroline.

I am so sorry. I was thinking of you yesterday wondering where you were.

You have to move forward, dont lose your riding. You love it so much.

I want you to know that I have setup my first appointment for riding here down the street for next week. Because of YOU!!

Please dont give up!

I am still in grief over losing my dogs. I could never sit on my Elephant, she was far too beautiful for me to be able to do that.

I can handle human suicides, that's my training, no one ever trained me to deal with the death of an animal.

It's not that I don't want to ride, or go out.

It's my friends devestation and my fear that she will be succesful in her next suicide attemp very soon that scares me. She has just got her 2 year old colt, sired by her horse that scares me. What will happen to him?

She wants me to ride more than anything, it keeps her feeling useful.

While she can't look after her new colt, I won't ride.

We will both get there.

To me, that is moving forward, but I'll drag her along with me if I have to.

Enjoy your ride and make sure you have a mint as a reward at the end (nooooooooo not for you!!! the horse!!!!!)

lots of love

Caroline.

I went for the first time today. I had so much fun!!

I also took my 4 yo, who has autism and he loved it!!

I felt so free and happy and the horses were so kind and easy going!

We are going to go every week now, thanks so much for writing about it here, I would of never known!

I'm so please you enjoyed it too, I find that the 'attachment' to the horse and the need to be a partnership is comfortable, safe even.

I wrote a very negative post a few days ago as a good friends horse had just died. I was feeling so upset.

To see this is making me look at all the positives again.

Thank you so much.

(did your bum hurt?) big smile

Caroline

But I must say it was a good hurt!! I really enjoyed myself!!

Nathan was a little scared at first, but once we got going he loved it!!

I am looking forward to next week,!!

I had to go to the opticions yesterday, the 200 yard walk from my drop off point was so difficult, I never walk, so my muscles are so wasted. Then I was confronted by stairs when I got there and it was 26 degrees which didn't help. I was a total mess but managed to hold things together for the eye test. Then the hard bit, choosing new frames, to say I am fussy would be an understatement. The lovely assistatant so patient with my moaning and groaning about how all of them looked so cheap. Finally I chose a pair of Ralf Lauren that I could hide behind.

They were no where near as expensive as I wanted, I was thinking of around £250 -300 ($500 - £600) and got them for £200 ($400) the shock hit me when I found out the price of the lenses £300 ($600) !!!! what? I am a bit long sighted and only need them for reading for goodness sake!

Them the payment machine kept rejecting my pin nomber and I got hotter and hotter. In the end I had to phone 'long suffering hubby' to pay. The walk back to my car was agony, everything was in pain and I walked like some kind of drunk!! I have to go back in 2 weeks to have them fitted correctly, I am absolutely dreading it. I am more fearful that I can no longer walk and can do little about it.

The only good thing that has come out of this past 7 days, I have called 3 ambulances for people who needed urgent help and an ex suicidal 'friend' became a Christian after we had spent many hours of talking about 'life after death'

Oh the joys of agorphobia!!

I've rambled! Phew, thanks

Caroline {{hugs}}

How is the riding goind? Is Nathen still enjoying it?

Have I missed anything here?

Miss Ashley is going through a tough time, other than that nothing much.