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07/21/2009 01:49 AM

dealing with unexpected things like life

maya1
maya1  
Posts: 300
Member

Today my daughter called me and said she was coming to visit unexpectedly. . I live about 100 miles away and she must take a plane to see me, so I should have been happy and I was but I was anxious and am a perfectionist so I cleaned the house until 12, then cancelled some appointements. not the one with my psychiatist. I know my priorities Then she called in the morning and said she had a hotel and to meet her in the town. I started feeling anxious and got out and ran around and she said she would take me out to dinner and drive me home and not to eat. Now, I have low blood sugar so I knew I should have eaten something but by six I was famished. I have a headache now and though I relaxed enough to enjoy her visit. She is sleeping over tomorrow for one night tomorrow, I realize that I do not deal well with surprises. I sometimes still listen to people I love who give me the wrong advice and though I've come so far in this panic disorder, surpises still make me anxious. I am now relaxing, taking a bath, and dealing with the unexpected so I can derive joy from seeing my daughter tomorrow and enjying her stay. I realize I can't be like others and take life as it comes but it doeesn't mean I won't live my lfe and no matter how hard it is I will take the joy and pain and do the best I can. Maya
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07/21/2009 08:21 AM
PinkWarrior007
PinkWarrior007  
Posts: 1302
Senior Member

That's great Maya, we are different. But everyone is different in one way or another. We just need to learn to love ourselves for who we are. We are sensitive people and sometimes extra stress sets us off but it's about learning to handle it. Suprises are stressful. On father's day, I had to entertain 2 of my grown step daughters that I don't really enjoy being around and I did well but afterwards I was exhausted and had to get extra rest. So what, I needed some extra rest, who does that matter to? My husband is totally ok with it, so I have no need to feel concerned. We worry too much about what other people think. It's the society we live in. Sometimes I wish I lived like the old days where people didn't really see how others lived, no tv, radio, etc... I think that puts a lot of pressure on us to live like others. We are all individuals. I hope this made some sense.

07/21/2009 08:49 AM
mem8011

I'm happy for you! I know first hand how it can be when people come to visit. I don't like suprises eather. It's good that you took a little time for yourself to help you feel calmer. Enjoy your daughters visit!Smile

07/21/2009 02:47 PM
mem8011

Well it's official. I spent the last 2 weeks worring about my car needing a repair. I got it back today(thanks to my baby brother!) It was a $58.00 fix that took half an hour to fix. I guess I worried for nothing again!

07/21/2009 03:43 PM
Anna321
Anna321  
Posts: 10505
VIP Member

Maya, most of us hate surprises. It is because we crave control at all times, we are also perfectionists so God forbid something was not perfect when company arrives. That is something we must work on to reduce overall anxiety. One thing to do is to take a second and clearly think about what the unexpected surprise really means and whether it is in fact negative. Enjoy your time with your daughter!!!

07/21/2009 05:33 PM
mem8011

My ex-husband used to say I turned into a different person when my Dad would visit. I was always so worried that he would find somthing wrong with my house,kids,yard you name it! I still get that way alittle bit. But, i'm much better.

07/21/2009 06:03 PM
Anna321
Anna321  
Posts: 10505
VIP Member

I am working on that too. My dad does not judge me any more. He has become really quite wonderful, we are very close. When I was growing up though he was very, very strict and I was very afraid of him and tried to please him and hence everyone around me all the time. I never felt I measured up. I am not that way any more but that stressful upbringing did have a profound effect on me. It took me a long time to start accepting that I was in fact good enough, that I had value. That need to be in control and perfect at all times still remains somewhere inside. I am working to change my attitude. I have nothing to prove anymore. It takes a long time to undo years of conditioning. That is also why we have to be patient with our recovery.

07/21/2009 06:18 PM
mem8011

I know what it feels like to try and try to please your Dad and never quit feel like you can completly do it. The relationship I have with my Dad is better now too. He lives in Florida!

07/21/2009 06:54 PM
PinkWarrior007
PinkWarrior007  
Posts: 1302
Senior Member

I really need help learning how to not allow my mother to hurt me and control my life.....how did you all do it? My mother lives 4 miles from me.

07/21/2009 07:05 PM
mem8011

I know it's hard to do sometimes but try to think of her as a human who just doesn't understand you. Destry you are fine just the way you are. My mom was always correcting me all the time. I think it is a need for control on her part.
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