Agoraphobia Support Group

I have been getting panic attacks when my brother leaves the house. They occur only when my daughter is at school. He comes w/ me to pick her up and I rely on him way too much. I am developing a phobia of him leaving which I really can't have and I need to find a way to feel more confident in myself and trust myself that I can go and get my daughter without him. I just feel like he won't be back on time or something will happen. This is just so aggravating and INCONVENIENT to deal with. He is going to Germany in a month and I don't want to turn into a panic stricken wreck.

Banaberry, I went through a similar thing when my kids were young. The school was at the end of my street and I still couldn't take them there or pick them up alone. I had to have a "safe" person go with me. My advise is DON'T give in to this. I know it's tough but I can tell you from experience if you convince yourself that you can't do it alone, the fear and bad habit will stay with you for a long long time. Mine has turned into a major fear of being alone. So fight with everything you have. I think I classify as autophobia or monophobia (they're both so similar). David had a good idea. If you could ask another parent to possibly help with either taking your daughter to school or picking her up that would limit some of the stress. I did that on occasion also. I did manage to tackle the fear and pick my kids up from school alone for several years. We just had an arrangement that they waited in the building until buses and traffic cleared a bit so I could pull up close and get them quicker. I eventually was so comfortable at the school I became the first grade computer volunteer teacher (funny because I am a computer idiot lol) and I also tutored math for 1st thru 4th grade. But because those fears can get deep seeded, I am back to having my fear of being alone. So fight it now !!!! I know convincing ourselves that we are capable of doing these things when the panic feels so overwhelming is a difficult thing to do. But we have to try with everything we have

Best of luck to you

The sooner you nip this fear in the butt the easier it'll be. Don't condition yourself to rely on him too much. You are 100% okay yourself I promise you are! Just keep telling yourself that and slowly ween yourself off your brother. You can and will do this! Each day is a day you can take a step towards progress.

Thanks for the tips guys, I actually have had the fear of being alone since agor started...it's pretty bad...but this fear of my brother being away or whatever you want to call it is new and very hard to deal with. I've had a bit of a relapse lately and lost a lot of confidence in myself. I am overly dependant on others but when I feel better I am able to do more things...right now I don't feel so comfortable doing things I could do before my little relapse...I think I really need to take my meds before this gets deeper b/c I don't know what else to do...I don't want more phobias (already have a terrible med phobia), so yea I need some pushing to take the meds (well, ativan)

I would suggest that perhaps you can try to make some new arrangements with your brother. Perhaps have him meet you at the school, instead of walking with you. Perhaps only going with him every other day... Perhaps walking by yourself and having him available on the phone. You see what I am getting at, slowly learn to trust yourself again. Prove to yourself that he is NOT the reason for your safety... and of course meds can only help..

This was a hard one for me because maybe as many I was having episodes with my heart I did not understand that were freaking scary. One issue was I just didn't want to be alone in it. The fear was something would happen I would pass out and be alone and be found dead I guess. Well the other was my kids were about 11, 9, 5, and 3 when this started. So two parts to this.

One was I didn't feel adequate to be caring for the kids in his condition and scared to do the running like you feel alone. Also I hated that it was happening in front of them felt helpless and so did they.

I felt angry that my family didn't care more to try to be willing to stay with me or whatever. Sometimes I would have a bad spell and ask my husband please just wait 15 more minutes before you leave. He would just be going out for a ride or something. Because I would get practically incoherent at the height of these and feel so out of it. After my speech would sometimes be slurred. So he gave me a hard time resented it. Told me he wouldn't be held prisoner in his own home. I just got the general feeling people just didn't care. They were too consumed with their own lives etc.

I was very depressed by all of this and thought well there is just nothing I can do-if something happens it does. And I gave up. At the same time this happened which it seems time passed and a lot happened in between at the same time I seemed to improve and also not need this constant on hands approach.

How it changed me is I know how scary it is.

My second son who is very underweight reminds me of me-whether we have some genetic disorder I don't know but he's like a walking skeleton. He has difficulty with his energy level also either because of the over all condition or more nutritional issues. But he started getting really lightheaded in the evenings. Come to think of it it's when we had the rash I hadn't connected the two. I think we both may have had fifth's disease. He came home with it first from school and I also got the rash that lasted several weeks. Well he was getting lightheaded around bedtime and was scared. He is 10. So he was so scared crying and said he felt like he was going to pass out and I stayed with him when this would happen and promised I wouldn't leave until he felt better.

If you can find a friend to call or support somehow that you can contact when you are feeling bad I'm not sure if it would help. It's not the same as having someone physically with you I know but maybe you wouldn't feel so alone. Also I think having an alternate plan to pick her up is good. Hopefully school is ending soon. I think we have 25 more days yet for the big kids and my preschooler just has something like 13 days left 3 days per week and then we have a change in routine for a while.

Maybe worse case call a cab and have them drive you. I would worry about the $ myself but we have to do whatever works. It might be an idea to call the school and let them know what's going on and find out if they could come up with an alternate plan with you for your daughter to get home. They want kids in school because they get money daily from the government here for each child that shows up in school so maybe they would be willing to help figure out a way to get her home if you're having a tough time.

I hope things improve for you. If we as a group can do anything to help let us know. It's a horrible feeling to be in such a spot and to feel alone in it. I'm glad you reached out for help.

Hi guys, well last year I was making slow progress w/ the being alone situation. My husband would leave the apt for 5-10 min at a time and I would be alone and I was ok. I was gaining confidence over time and eventually I was able to go out with any of my "safe" people within a mile or two which wasn't bad for me and I was happy and content with that for the time being. Well, then husband left, and my brother became very sick, plus we are caring for my disabled dad who isn't too pleasant at times. I got left alone for a couple minutes and I felt fine but out of no where panic hit and it was the worst I have had in a yr. My confidence quickly fell as I kept having panic doing normal things I usually do and I was back to square one hiding in my room whenever ppl were over, refusing to answer the door etc. Well, I keep going out and I've managed to get almost to the point of where I was before. My brother didn't go with me today, my mom did and I was super nervous and my brother's friend was nice enough to accompany us and honestly being in the group and the conversations helped SO much. I feel more confident and tomorrow I can hopefully go w/ my mom. I definitely don't feel ready to do things ALONE and I realize I have major dependancy issues but I'm trying so hard as a single mom w/ a very sick brother and sick dad...life is just so stressful and of course I'm scared something will happen to my daughter, brother and mom so yeah, I just need a break and I am going to push myself to try these meds and give myself some relief. I believe in baby steps at times in therapy and will need them when I start practicing being alone

How is your son doing now damsel? What was wrong with him?I'm glad school is ending soon (June 27th over here), I'm tired of this bus stop business