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04/06/2012 01:27 PM


Posts: 7262
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I really don't know where to start. I have/had been working very hard and making alot of progress in going outside, attending various groups and meetings, church, NA, shopping, even walking to appointments or riding the bus by myself...Last Thrusday, I had a therapy appointment, but something happened on my way there. I have no memory of even getting up Thursday morning. I awoke around 10 am in the ER. I don't know how I got there, but there was alot of activity! CAT scans, x-rays, and the usual bloodwork and tests to rule out drug or alcohol use. Everything was negative...No drugs, no alcohol, no stroke, labs were all within normal limits...

A huge bump covers most of my forhead, and for the next 2 days, my eyes were swollen shut. I'm doing much better now, but my face is black and blue from forhead to chin...I still have no memory of what happened...Not knowing if maybe I was assaulted or if maybe I just fainted has caused the Agoraphobia to come back full force! A terror I can't control or put behind me...The doctor assures me this is a normal response to this type of incident, but I'm not convinced. If I could isolate it to just this one incident maybe it would pass quickly, but everything is flooding back! Only those of us who have suffered this illness know how difficult each step forward is. Holding on to that progress even in good times is sometimes almost beyond what we can do.

Right now, the terror is so real that I can't move, nor do I want to...


04/06/2012 01:41 PM
SillyOMePosts: 21588
VIP Member

Sad Reba! OMG that is awful. Shocked Sad Sad Sad Sad

Your memory might come back of what happened. I'm so sorry this happened. This is horrible news.

I KNOW you won't let this keep you down. Reba you have a bold and good spirit. You will get through this and not let it win! YOU will come back.

Until then I hope you rest and heal up well. I'm so ((((HUGGING)))) you.

04/06/2012 01:56 PM
KnightmarePosts: 1660
Senior Member

Reba, I am sorry this has happened and not knowing what exactly happened can be very scarey. You have to remember and hang onto all that progress you have made and continue to try to keep moving forward.


04/06/2012 02:04 PM
Posts: 11259
Group Leader

Wow, Reba. I'm so sorry. How horrible to have to go through this after you were doing so well and made such progress. I hope you don't let this keep you down. Fight back against that agor. Maybe you can look at it as a blessing that you can't remember what happened and once you heal, get back out there and enjoy all the things you were doing before this.

Sending prayers your way and I hope you recover quickly.

04/06/2012 02:27 PM

Reba... I am so sorry to hear all this that you have had to endure. Sad. But as everyone has said you are strong, you will be able to get through this! Praying for you! Smile xoxoxo

04/06/2012 04:11 PM
Posts: 7262
VIP Member

Thank you all for your support and understanding! I wish I could explain how overpowering this terror is! I know that I must take it slow and steady. Starting over, one baby step at a time...

04/06/2012 04:31 PM
mimi84Posts: 9269
VIP Member

Hi Reba!!!!!!!! Good to see you! I'm so sorry all this has happened to you Sad You have been missed. Smile

04/06/2012 04:33 PM
Posts: 4769
VIP Member


I too, am sorry that you are going through this..I know it must be frustrating to have no idea what happened to you. I'm just glad that you weren't hurt any worse.

You were doing so well, and I know that you will be at that point again. I agree, take small steps, but not give up! You can do this!! HUGS

04/06/2012 04:58 PM

I'm sorry to hear

I understand about traumatic events setting us back. I was in a car accident 4 months ago. nothing serious but I got anxiety attacks and I was forced to go to the ER for 9 hours. anyway, a month or two afterwards I found a book online after being fed up with panic. I hate sounding like a broken record but it has helped me a whole lot. I'm still homebound but the anxiety has somewhat subsided for me. to feel BETTER is always nice

the author speaks of her experience with tramautic events and her agoraphobia and how she recovered. at least the insight she gives on how agoraphobia/panic/anxiety sets in is interesting. was really hard for me to read and then apply the method but I did it.

wish you the best because we don't deserve any of this. dp/1920721789/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1333757014&sr=8-2 Smile

Post edited by: youdunknowme, at: 04/06/2012 05:06 PM

04/06/2012 06:25 PM
Posts: 7262
VIP Member

Other things came up or at least came up as questions, while I was in the ER and also during appts with my MD and Pdoc. I have been given a referal to see a nuerologist. Neither of my doctors feel this is a psych issue and are looking at possible medical reasons for whatever is going on. My innitial diagnosis, even with the agoraphobia, were medical in origin. A condition called Organic Brain Syndrome, caused by injury sustained from chemotherapy. Hopefully, I'll get some answers all the way around! I think regardless of the causes of my emotional or psycological issues, if I knew why these things have happened, at least some of the guilt and fear could be approached, if not in different ways, at aleast ones I can understand and maybe not feel responsible for...Some of the OBS may even show up on a series of CAT scans.

The good news last Thursday was that I had not had a stroke. The fear I am having is very much in being alone or trying to go out and having a repete...So for the mean time, I will make sure I have transportation to appts and that if I am home alone, that I have someone to call if anything does come up...

Today, I am very sore and stiff, headache and nausia, but since the "accident" I han't had any just down timne to recouperate. I've spent most of today in bed sleeping, maybe tomorrow I will have a little more energy.

Well, sweeties, it's back to be for me! This headache is unrelenting and the worst one I can ever remember having. Good Night, Sleep tight!


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