Agoraphobia Support Group

This morning hubby had an appointment with the dentist (about 30 minutes away and 3 turns). I asked him if he could drive himself and he said, No way. His procedure was going to take over 2 hours. Which meant me sitting in the car waiting for him as it is a small town with no stores. I have been having a lot of pain lately and the last thing I felt like doing was sitting in the car.

He keeps saying that the next time he will drive himself but when the day comes, he changes his mind. I feel bad about pushing him. He has been so nice supporting me in my illness. Taking care of me for the last 13 years. Where is the line between supportive and enabling? I would really like to know. When I ask him what he would do if I was no longer here he says that he would do it if he "had" to. Well, then why can't he take his anxiety meds, plug in his navigation system and go?

How do you feel when someone pushes you to go someplace alone? I don't want to make him feel bad. He means to world to me. I wish I could figure this out. I have been trying for years.

Hugs!

Pearl

That's a really hard call, because you can't read his mind and know how bad it would really be for him to do it. Early on I needed someone to go to my dr. appointments with me, but as soon as I got a car I forced myself to learn to go myself. My family would help me if I said I needed to -- for example one time I was having a really bad time and asked my aunt to go into a pharmacy with me, which I didn't normally need -- but for the most part they weren't going to do it for me if they knew I could do it myself. The thing is, just because you do something once doesn't mean you can do it every time.

I suspect he knows what he's capable of, and probably needs to ask himself what things he could start doing by himself. I would avoid pushing too hard, though, because agoraphobics tend to get very defensive when pushed and get even more anxious.

So it's a tough situation with no easy answer, but I'm sure if you tell him it would really help you for him to make more of an effort that he can come up with some things he can do alone. It might be "easier" (for him) for you to go everywhere with him, but that doesn't mean it's beyond his capabilities.

Thanks Kev, I guess the important thing is that most of the time I really don't mind going with him. This morning was just difficult because I just did not feel like getting out myself.

My feeling is if a person doesn't feel confident behind the wheel for any reason they shouldn't try to drive. Too risky. Thanks for taking him.

Also, I get upset at my "friends" making comments. They do not understand Agoraphobia. Marriage is a partnership. We both have our weaknesses and need a little extra support. And thank you for your support.

Hugs!