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12/15/2011 11:09 AM

How Do You Feel

Lakota

I would apprecaite knowing what others fears are when going out. I dont panic but my nervous system gets so stimulated I shake and feel extremely agitated.
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12/15/2011 11:15 AM
jmick
jmickPosts: 13899
VIP Member

Self-conscious. Shaky. Fear of embarrassment. Intense desire to run away from the situation. Racing thoughts ruminating every possible thing that could go wrong. Inability to communicate. And sometimes, I just plain feel like I'm going to die, right there in line at a 7-11.

The list could go on and on. Every 'incident' of severe panic is slightly different, and which symptoms do show up change all the time. Some get better, some get worse.


12/15/2011 11:16 AM
SillyOMe
SillyOMePosts: 21588
VIP Member

My head feels like I have a bad head cold, my vision fades, I feel a great need to go home. That's the normal for me in normal situations. I have had the sensation of being in a tunnel.. like the world isn't real. I have also had the shakiness, the feeling of an electric jolt going up to my heart, numbness, feeling like I'm going to faint.. and many more things. It's so fun! NOT!

When it's bad I just want to curl up in a ball, scream, and cry. The only thing that brings me out of it is Xanax.

What do I fear? PEOPLE! Gossip, judgement, not getting to a bathroom in time, ect....


12/15/2011 11:54 AM
Lakota

I am agitated all the time even at home - when I am out driving I am no worse but in a store whre there are too many stimulations my nerves get 100 times worse - the sounds, colors, activity are too much

12/15/2011 12:16 PM
Conn65
Conn65  
Posts: 11219
Group Leader

ditto to what Silly said !..... For me the need to get home or out of the situation I'm in has become very intense over the past year or so. So much that I have made the mistake of avoiding all situations that I know will cause panic. So my world is sort of shrinking around me into a very small safe zone. I hate it! But the panic has become overwhelming and I will do anything to avoid feeling that fear right now. It's like I need to run away from it..... but i can't exactly run away from myself Sad

12/15/2011 12:49 PM
Zahc
Zahc  
Posts: 644
Senior Member

12/15/11

Dear 'Lakota',

Although we--as agoraphobes--come to the table with our own, individual set of symptoms, yet there is a base commonality there; for example, I could not agree more with 'jmick'; and, BTW, hello, again, Kevin...always a pleasure to see you, and dear, 'SillyOMe', personally, I seem to go into some kind of hyper-sensitive mode, compounded by fear, reluctance, and stimulus overload.

A great example of this would be the Mall at any time, but, particularly during the holiday season.

First, the greater number of parked cars, puts me into a 'pre'Mall' panic mode; althugh I cannot drive a car, I used to become afraid that I'd forget where I parked, and would--indeed--wander-through the parking lot, desperately trying to find my car. Other drivers did not help my anxiety, for they would slowly follow me, waiting to take my space. And--often--when I would have gone down 3/4 ths of the lane, would see my car over to the side, and, in cutting through to get there, was sometimes treated to a rasher of verbal abuse, honking, as if I had on purpose, played some monsterous trick on them, by leading them astray.

Then, there is the Mall itself: too big, too long; with too many stores; and too many people with ususally sick children being tugged along.

Since my immune system is shot to hell, I dreaded all those germs, and always was afraid that later, I would become ill. And it would make me angry to see parents roughly treat their kids, and sometimes, I would confront the abusing parent, threatening to get a Mall cop to levy charges of abuse against them. This went over well, as you might imagine.

The--too--I found myself overwhelmed by too much noise, each store playing a different carol so loudly, that ( and this is stupid ), but it made my ears feel sick.

Too many bright lights, too much commotion; the stores in general disarray; surley, if not indeed nasty and exhausted store clerks; mechandise strewn everywhere.

And since it is not uncommom for agoraphobia to generalize, now, I cannot go to the grocery store, and have cancelled needed doctor's appointments the morning of the visit, because I had already become nervous, and afraid to go out that day.

On many a day--now--I cannot go out to my mailbox, and, even when I can, canot go over to my dumpster, which is only thirty feet away.

This is why--'Lakota'--that I genuinely laud both 'Silly', and 'Kevin', for being able to actually 'make' themselves leave their homes, to go shopping, or to the Post Office, as, frankly, I feel too fragile, and cannot.

It has only been within the past year amd-a-half, that I can even arrange for, and take the Medicare county cab to doctor's offices, and still, I have been know to cancell the visit.

In improving my home to make it a safe refuge, I nontheless made of it a quiet prison.

I gave up driving three years ago, because of growing, and unrelenting alarm and fear; not helped by may having had a seizure of epic proportions in the hospital ER, after, having gone in with complaints of unbearable pain.

I decided--then--that I might prove to be a hazzard on the road, and the thought of having an accident, and maybe hurting or killing someome paralyzed me. Plus, again, the sheer number of cars on the road, with many awful drivers who sped, cut me off, swore at me, finally, was just too much. Which is funny, because I'd like to have a car, and--in fact--know the exact car I'd like, even though I could not drive it, let alone afford it, as I am on SSDI.

Two years ago--when I DID have some money, I bought presents from catalogues and had them delivered.

And with the holidays so quickly approachning, the panic, and agoraphobia make me SO depressed, that I can hardly stand it, and stay in bed a lot. It even affects my appetite. making me too nauseous to even think of food, although I am a big guy ( 267 lbs ).

NONE of my neighbors ( and even many of my friends ) absolutely have NO clue about what I have, or how I feel. And so, they rarely come over to visit.

Last Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, No one called, or came over to see me. Frankly, a visit, AND a small plate of food would have been wonderful, but then, each of them have their own lives, and responsibilites; at least--at best--I am treated as some weird eccentric. I guess every neighborhood has to have at least ONE madman. But they cannot see my hurt; I've gotten but four Christmas cards so far, and for the last week, have looked at mine to send, but just can't get the energy or desire to ready them, and mail them out.

I did put a little fake, Christmas tree up, probably more out of habit, than by design.

Well...enough of my complaints; again, each of us has their own sad tale to tell; mine is but one of them, 'Lakota'.

Wishing for all--though--a day free from pain or desparing; hopefully, with all the happiness your heart can hold. And for--perhaps--a greater sense of peace.

Regrettably, there is no emoticon for a tired and wounded heart.

Oh, and, 'Silly', I can well-understand your fear of not finding a bathroom in time; I take diuretics, and so, have to map-out a plan of attack, lest, I wet myself...which has happened. YUCK.

Please take care, 'Lakota', and all.

'Zahc'


12/15/2011 12:56 PM
Zahc
Zahc  
Posts: 644
Senior Member

BTW, hi, dear' Conn65', hope you are feeling better !Smile

12/15/2011 02:17 PM
claredoll77
claredoll77  
Posts: 825
Member

Sometimes a short errand is just fine. But when I have even the slightest complication, traffic snarl, more than one thing to get done in a certain time frame etc ect, I also get very nervous to the point I am even shaky and drive poorly. I have racing thoughts regarding how impossible everything seems and that I am a failure past, present and future. This is when I really rely on klonopin (which also makes me nervous about driving, but at least I am able to function).

Post edited by: claredoll77, at: 12/15/2011 02:21 PM


12/15/2011 02:57 PM
youdunknowme

everyone is so spot-on with their explanations!

I also wonder why I even came to the place in the first place!

Post edited by: youdunknowme, at: 12/15/2011 03:34 PM

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