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06/23/2011 10:35 AM

Agoraphobia Spouse- Facing hard circumstances(page 2)

jpooh38

DemonVonKitc-thanks for grabbing all our posts like that. That was awesome. Smile Helps clear up that sentence because I was a bit confused, with that statement Holly made as well.

Nick- I would like to say welcome to the group. Smile I am glad that you are able to come on here. It is a big step on your end especially given that you have read what we all wrote including your wife. I personally didn't jump to any conclusions and I don't think the rest of us did either. We were just writing based on what Holly wrote, trying to give her advice and insight as to what we as agors have gone through. We all deal with things differently and like what most of us said and pointed out the anger probably stemmed from you feeling scared that she was leaving. I get that and I am sure a lot of us in this group can relate. Smile We are a really great group and I really hope that you stick around and get to know us all.

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06/23/2011 10:49 AM
KittenMittens
KittenMittens  
Posts: 21492
VIP Member

I am so glad that you decided to come here, Nick! No judgement here...more understanding than anything. There are a few of us here that can not go anywhere without a safe person. It is understandable that you are having panic knowing that your safe person (your wife) is going out of town. Then throw in the emotional extreme of a funeral...instant panic attack!

I look forward to getting to know you and applaud your efforts in coming here.

Cheryl


06/23/2011 11:40 AM
mem1428

Welcome! Don't worry, this is not a judgmental group of people. Of course there are many sides to every story. Misunderstandings happen and panic only complicates things. It's okay. Trust me, as agors we know this better than anyone.

It seemed she was reaching out and looking for advice. Everyone who responded gave the best advice they could with what little info was given. Just look at it like that and know that no one meant any offense. They were just trying to help someone clearly in distress.

I'm very glad you two were able to work it out! And I hope what we get out of all this is (for us) an awesome new member of the group and (for you) a great support system full of people who understand exactly what you go through every day.


06/23/2011 05:48 PM
faery007
faery007  
Posts: 1088
Senior Member

Nick, HI! First of all, Welcome to the Group! I hope you stick around this is a great group of people who have 'been there' + are very compassionate + understanding.

I am the one who asked "It sounds as if your hubby is using his agoraphobia as an excuse for being emotionally abusive?". Yes it is impossible to really understand the situation without much info. I was wondering this based on the info we were given and the quotes of you. (for example: when your wife said ...He argues "what the f is the point in a funeral, you haven't seen your friend in years who the f cares" + that she can't leave the house for anymore than a short time, can't have any friends, being forced to stay by taking keys away, can't attend school out of the home etc.) I was not "jumping to conclusions" nor did I think anyone else here do so either. I asked questions that your wife didn't answer but some of which you did: "I have never been verbally abusive to my wife"..."I am not emotionally abusive. And I don't make excuses for any of my behavior." "Yes I have been seeing a Psych and taking meds for a long time. I am trying to get better." So that pretty much answered all those questions and yes what is "normal" for one couple may be "insane" for another so only the people inside the relationship can really know what it's all about and decide what is ok and not ok. But when your wife came to ask for understanding, support and help I think we all did our best to try and provide what we could under the circumstances + with the limited info we had. I personally do NOT throw things, yell, break things, block anyone from leaving the house, or engage in any type of violent behaviors as a symptom of Agoraphobia and today that is the first time I have ever heard any of that as a symptom of Agor so maybe you can understand how one could get those behaviors confused with abuse? I did NOT mean to offend anyone, but I WAS trying to help your wife find the help, support, answers, understanding and empathy she may have been seeking. I hope you both stick around and find support here, it really is an AWESOME group of people!!!

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