Agoraphobia Support Group

I must be afraid to succeed. blah blah blah. Listening to music to drown it all out!

I have a strange feeling that I am (though sitting indoors, and sitting behind bars that prevent me from living life to it's fullest) can see a beacon of light coming in even now as I type.

I keep a schedule of projects that have or haven't gotten accomplished in a weekly/monthly planner, and put x's at the beginning of each task that I was successful with per day.

The drugs (prescribed) help be to bear with being an artist with irrational daily guilt trips...(thanx to whom or whatever shamed me into believing that I would "not amout to shit".

Yet, I have so much going on ALL the time. I sometimes feel safer inside. Even a walk to the mailbox in daylight hours, or when hearing an approaching car really sets me into that 'WONDERFILLED' fight or flight mode, and then my breathing gets short and shallow, and my walking feels as if I am the tin man in the Wizard of Oz...and it's getting noticed in those wide open places such as stores.

Boy, I hate living like this. Yet, the greatest irony is that I have overcome such depressive disorder.

You might think I am compared to Mighty Mouse.

"Here I come, to save the day!" lol

Little clonazapam with a Coke (soda, that is).

How grateful I feel to have connected with this group...at just the right frame in time.

Thanks.

AVoid (I just thought about it. The 'AV' in AVoid (on a subconscious level would most certainly stand for Audio/Visual. The '8' turned sideways is the symbol of infinity. Go figure.

Post edited by: AVoidavoid8, at: 06/13/2011 02:20 PM