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04/08/2011 06:18 PM

Do you feel parent guilt? How do you cope?

kmripple
Posts: 183
Member

Hi everybody!

The other day one of the daily questions was what do you like about yourself. And I really can't stop thinking how several of you said that you were great moms.

My panic and agoraphobia are cyclical. And every single time they reappear, it seems there are new issues I must contend with. This time the biggest issue I'm dealing with mommy guilt. (No mother of the year award for me!)

I have two sons, one three and the other five. I work full-time and am the main breadwinner in my family. My husband is a musician and he takes care of the kids during the day and plays some nights. The Doxapin and the Xanax are keeping me pretty stable, my mind is not racing all day long and I'm not on a roller coaster ride. I still don't want to leave the house every morning (panic), and likely have one more episode per day. I'm exhausted by the end of the work week and then I come home to my kids and husband, or have to care of my kids alone. Today, for example, after having a panic attack close to the end of the day, I actually had to go straight to the gym to swap kids with hubby because although I had some time to kill at home, I was afraid I would not be able to leave the house if I went to it first.

How do you do it? Many nights I feel like the worst freaking mother on Earth! I don't have the energy for them. I want to be left the hell alone. I don't want anyone jabbering or fighting or screaming with glee around me. My house is small. Can't escape them. Can't reject them when they say they want my attention even if I just want to crawl under a rock or hide so they can't find me.

Sorry, I need to improve on the length of my posts because they are interminable. And sorry for the downer post, but it really upsets me to feel that I am not taking care of my kids and giving them all the love I feel for them. Not to mention that I am really afraid I'll end up totally screwing them up because of my panic and agoraphobia.

Any thoughts?

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04/08/2011 10:06 PM
CanadianAngel
CanadianAngel  
Posts: 995
Member

What you do is grab 3 coloring books and crayons and sit down at the table with them. Don't lose the young time for them. Honestly, you will have fun too. I love spending time with my boys....We color, draw, play cards, yatzee, watch movies. Get a bike and let the 3 year old go on his trike right along with you!! Enjoy your time.....It goes by so fast

04/09/2011 02:54 AM
Ladygaga
Ladygaga  
Posts: 4184
VIP Member

Hi KM ,

First and foremost ,you are dealing with something many of us here are not..work..you are providing a home and security for them which is a huge deal and some thing to be very proud of ,esp when you are fighting agor to do it ,I know I wouldn't be able to .Second ,I understand what you are saying about wanting time to yourself when you get home and your'e exhausted ,you need your down time and its important to have it because you have to keep going somehow .Please don't feel you are being a bad mother simply because you are human and worn out .Angel is right ,young time goes by very fast but it is also the most exhausting time in any parents life because the need for attention is constant.

The only advice I can give is to take an hour for yourself before engaging in family things..go have a soak in the bath or do something else that relaxes you ,at least when the oportunity arises ,then make the activities you do with them "quiet time" like reading a story or giving them a bath .If they are excitable in the evenings try a couple of drops of lavender oil in their bath..that should calm them right down ,then your time with them will be less hectic and stressful for you .

Most of all ,drop the guilt because you are doing an amazing job just keeping going and you need to acknowledge and respect that in yourself .


04/09/2011 05:54 AM
CrissyL
CrissyL  
Posts: 2789
VIP Member

Hi KM Smile

Oh yes, I have tremendous "parent guilt" (read my diary entry "failure"Wink but I know I am a great mom because I place soo much emphasis on my ability to do things for them and they are my motivation. You are a great mom too, or you wouldn't worry soo much about how you are doing.

Try not to be soo hard on yourself Smile I worked while my daughter was little and yes, by the end of the day I had nothing less physically and emotionally for her and my husband by the end of the day. Sad

As Angel said, try little things and you can certainly make up for it on the weekends (assuming your not working then). Kids remember the good times, not the "so-so" times and you can build wonderful memories for them when you are able and feeling up to it and they will remember those. **Big Hugs to you!!**


04/09/2011 07:15 AM
kmripple
Posts: 183
Member

Thanks to all of you.

Ladygaga you almost made me cry. My husband is so supportive that he actually sounds a lot like you when we talk about this.

We recently joined the YMCA and one benefit I had not foreseen is that it gives me some time to myself, and at the same time I exercise which is amazingly good for my mood. The kids love going to the Y too, and that helps with the guilt a lot.

CanadianAngel, I will take you up on that idea. Thanks.

Crissy, that's one of my issues. Most weekends, I am so worn down by the week before, all I want to do is sleep. And not leave the house. But I can color with them! If I have some more energy, I usually try do arts and crafts or cook with them. Or just play with Legos, they love their Legos.

Again, thanks. I really appreciate it. I'll try not to be so hard on myself.


04/09/2011 08:56 AM
lovespeonies
lovespeonies  
Posts: 4167
VIP Member

I think you have already been given some great examples of what you can do for yourself and your kids. I just wanted to add that I think you are doing a great job and you need to give yourself credit for that. I don't work and I am a stay at home mom to four kids. I don't always have the patience for the fighting and loudness of my house, I live in a small house too. I spread out construction paper on the floor and just sit down with them while they color. If I don't have the energy to color myself I will just compliment them on their beautiful work and then we put it on the refriderator together. The little ones also like to help me cook, I have to do it anyways so why not incorporate time with them too. I know parenting is hard work and you already have so much on your plate with work, just try to relax and enjoy them. It doesn't need to be structured time either, just watch a movie together.
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