Agoraphobia Support Group

I am so f***king angry right now!!!

As I stated in the What's Up thread earlier today, my daughter had a doctor appointment this afternoon. I really didn't want to go (feeling way to anxious), but I put aside my anxiety because she wanted me there.

My husband and I picked her from school and when she came out, I could tell right away she was in a nasty mood. She doesn't hide her emotions very well. She got into the truck, I said hi to her - no response. Okay, fine.

She completely ignored me and talked to her father. I might as well have not been there. Like most teens, she's all about "can I have...". One of the things she said is "I want to go to the Nike store to get new sneakers". I made an off-hand comment that Nike is expensive. That's' it, that's all it took. She went off on me saying that I'm always arguing with her. HELLOOOOOO?? Just stating a fact, not arguing. DAMN!

Three times I told her to stop because I didn't want the argument to continue. I just wanted it to stop. To no avail. At one point she even mocked me, which pissed me off to no end. What right does a 16 year-old have to mock their mother??

During all of this, my husband says nothing except "here we go". WHAT?!?!? Why can't he open his frikkin mouth and tell her to shut the hell up?!?!?

I then decided it would be best if I didn't go in to the office with her. So I stayed in the truck while she went in.

When I got home, they both decided to come in with me. She got inside, petted the cat and started getting pissy with me again. At this point I hadn't said anything to her because I just didn't want another argument. But when she started in, I simply looked at my husband and told him to leave and get her out of here.

I'm so mad and upset, that I'm shaking pretty bad and just don't know what to do with myself.

The only time she ever wants anything to do with me is when she wants something from me. Other than that, I'm invisible.

And people wonder why I decided to live by myself!!

I don't know what to say, except sorry you had such a sh!tty afternoon It's just wrong that she asked you to go there with her, despite your anxiety, and then treat you that way. I don't have kids, but I do know teens. That doesn't make it an excuse though. And it sounds like you should definitely be getting more support from your husband... by allowing her to talk to you that way it's essentially condoning her behavior.

I'm glad you're back into your own space. Try to relax

Oh Wen! That really sucks My daughter is only 14 so I don't think I've seen the worst of it yet, but I definitely know what you mean about the "attitude". I would be all over my husband on this one....it really sounds like he is letting her get away with the abuse on you and that is totally unacceptable!! You should be a united front on this- but again I don't know your entire situation so maybe that's not possible? Anyhow, she definitely needs a reminder on who's the boss...

I'm glad you came on here to vent and I hope you are feeling a bit better now. If relaxing doesn't help maybe some vigorous exercise or cleaning will.

There's a reason most species of animals kick their young out earlier than we "humans" LOL ***BIG HUGS***

Teenagers suck!!!!!!!! I'm sorry Wen... I don't have kids so I can't say I understand- but I am sorry

Mimi Huuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggzzzzzzzzzzzz for you!!!!

Thanks guys. I've just given up. I don't know what else to do. I can't "make" her think of me as her mother.

For those that don't know, she is my husband's daughter from a previous relationship. But I'm the only stable mother she's ever known and I've been in her life since she was an infant.

The problem comes from the fact that she knows her bio mother (what a piece of work she is!!). She has no problem in letting me know that I'm not her mother biologically.

I asked my husband why he didn't say anything to her while this was all going on today. He didn't want to add fuel to the fire; she no doubt would have ended up screaming at the both of us.

I can't stop crying - she's the only daughter I have and it just hurts so much to be driven out of her life like this.

Wen, have you tried to talk to her and tell her all this when things are calm? I think it is wonderful what you are doing and I'm sure as she gets older and matures she will realize all this, and appreciate you. Maybe if you try to tell her how much you care she will let you "in" a little more? I know the timing would have to be perfect, but it's worth a shot. If not, it sounds like you will have to wait it out and distance yourself for your own emotional sake...don't let her take advantage of you.

I'm sorry you are going through this.....

Wen, teenagers suck. I say that having been one not too long ago.......our horomones are going crazy, our attitudes are horrible, and we just plain suck. (sorry to anybody who may be a teenager, but you even know that at one point this was true about you too). I agree about distancing yourself emotionally.....hopefully when she grows up a little she'll realize how she's acting and start to act correctly.

Wen ,my opinion for what it's worth is that she may not be your biological daughter but you have been a mother to her and she should not be allowed to be so disrespectful to you .At 16 she is old enough to know that her words and attitude are hurtful and wrong .I honestly think your husband needs to correct her on this issue and let her know that she needs to show you the respect and civility that you deserve .It sounds as if she thinks she is in charge not you or her dad ,and is using anger as a weapon to get what she wants.I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to deal with that kind of attitude on a daily basis ,its such a pity her father wont put his foot down with her .

Crissy, yes I've talked to her countless times about all of this. I've told her how she makes me feel. Recently, after one of our talks, she actually came out and told me that she didn't care how I feel. I'm not her mother and that's just the way it is.

I've been fighting this battle for 15 years. It's just in the last 5 years (as she's gotten older, of course) she has gotten more out of control. Like most teens, she is all about herself and to hell with everyone else. But, I know that's how most teens are too.

Her father has never been one to "rock the boat", as he puts it. I have told him so many times that he needs to step up to the plate and be a father to her, instead of her friend. In his defense (what little I can defend ), he is sick of the way she treats me and told me today that she will be moving out once she turns 18. We shall see.

Until that time comes, I will not be moving back in with them. Emotionally, I just cannot take any more of her emotional abuse. And she knows that too - she really knows which buttons to push.

For the most part, I've put physical distance between us. But after this episode, I am making that more permanent. I told my husband that my daughter is no longer allowed here.

Since I moved out, my emotional state has been a lot better and I just cannot afford to have her set me back. So, emotional distance is in order too. I just feel like a horrible mother right now for having to do this.

Post edited by: justafraid, at: 04/07/2011 04:32 PM

Wen, she did it to herself. Tough love baby, your still being a damn good mother.