Agoraphobia Support Group

Ok, let me see if I can explain what it is I’m thinking! I just saw that movie, Eat, Pray Love, and in it was a line about all the chaos in your mind that goes on constantly. Evidently people who can meditate can stop all the confusion and think about nothing. But here’s the deal, is that constant chatter in your mind one voice or two? For instance, “I’m going to Walgreens today. Ya right! No, I’m going and I’m leavin’ at 11. You’re not gonna go, you don’t HAVE to have that lotion today! What’s for dinner tonight? Maybe the chicken breasts, oh, I think Dancing with the Stars is on tonight. Wow, my back is killin me today, maybe I’ll wait on the lotion. We have pork chops too. Damn that TV is loud, was that the door? Oh shit, is someone here?”

Question: Are there two voices in your head, like good and evil, or, are they both you, arguing with yourself?

Whichever, if you’re like me, it is endless from the time I wake up until I go back to sleep. It’s constant activity and it seems relentless. Maybe that’s why I enjoy movies so much, I get lost in the story and stop all that thinking! Does this make any sense to anyone? (rut roh, there’s 2 guys in white coats at my door…..run silver, run)

"I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the 'monkey mind' -- the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl."

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Silver, I saw that movie 6-8 weeks ago and I still can't decide if it was absolute brilliance or kind of silly. It definitely made me think though.

Anyway, I think I have 17 voices. Lol. But seriously, I have the arguments with myself, but also, I tend to repeatedly carry on hypothetical conversations with other people in my mind. For example, my cousin who lives in Florida is getting married in May. I am not going. I have had countless conversations in my head with multiple family members playing out how I think the conversation will go when I tell them I'm not going. This is just one of a million examples. My mind is constantly going over ever possible situation, every possible outcome. In some sick way, I think it's one of the things that made me so good at my job. I was prepared for EVERY situation, because I had already had all these conversations in my mind, playing out every possible scenario, every possible thing the other person could say.

My mother is schizophrenic, and I've often wondered how you determine that the voices in your head are hallucinations, and not just part of your thought process like everyone has (even if they don't have it as 'frequent' as we do). How do you know? I dunno.

One thing is for sure -- there is no question, for me, that the reason I spend so much time watching movies and tv shows is because I lose myself in them and it slows down the mind chatter. I still have trouble... I used to be able to watch movies all day, all the sudden I'd look up and it would be nighttime. Now it's not as easy. I constantly interrupt myself, pause, etc. It takes 4-5 hours for me to watch a 2 hour movie. But it still does help to a certain extent.

Sitcoms are a whole other area. When I'm anxious, I take whatever pills I need to to bring me down, make me sleepy, turn on a sitcom, and just lay down and close my eyes. I don't watch, I just listen. Sometimes I fall asleep in 15 minutes, other times I can lay there 3-4 hours just "listening." Even if I can't fall asleep, it's still relaxing.

So... that was a very LONG way of saying yes, I have 'monkey mind.'

I think I am able to think less than you Silver. Yeah, the chatter is there, but it's just me. I know I kid a lot about things, but I'm sane enough. LOL

I sometimes find my mind wondering to other things while watching a movie. I hate that, then I have to go back and replay it.

Honestly I day dream about good things much more than ponder the bad. I find myself thinking of the bad things and actually make the decision to stop and think of good things or just tell anxiety to go Eff it's self!

I am still pretty much in the "monkey mind" state, though slowly I have begun to recognize second fear for what it is. Does that mean I can handle or control it, hell no. But it is a step in the right direction I suppose. lol

P-aulie (aka the artist formerly known as Paul)

Interesting topic! I only converse with myself like you mentioned when I am in a stressful situation, panicky, etc....where I am trying to talk myself down from an attack.

However, I also have quite a few hypothetical conversations in my head with other people like Kevin mentioned. I think it has to do with not interracting with people as much... so I just play it all out in my head. I also think about everything I am going to say to family members before I say it...to the point where sometimes I forget that I didn't tell them something because I thought I already did (already having had that conversation in my head).

A good movie, TV show or especially a good book will keep me from all that internal chatter quite easily

OMG I now have a name for that crap running through my skull!! Monkey Mind??

I sometimes have to watch myself when my husband is home and I'll be doing something around here and I'll just blurt out "Will you just shut the F up ....?" depending on who it was at the moment pissed me off and I was just getting around to telling them to shut up. Sometimes I add the name but I swear I have to really be careful when my man is home and he hears me say that and wonders why I'm talking to myself and then I just say shut the f up!!! He knows I'm not talking to him as I would not say that to him but there are a few in my life that do need to shut the f up and leave me alone....

Now I just finished baking choc chip cookies and I can't tell you how many times I said that because I can hear them in my mind telling my how I should be doing what I'm trying to do at the moment.

I say it when I make my bed,I say it when I'm getting dressed as I hear all these ignos telling me things. Like why do you do it that way? Are you still wearing that rag? Why,Why,Why ......So I tell them to shut the f up and this is my life not yours and leave me alone....LOL Thanks Silver as this just made me feel so much better to know I'm not the only one. I'm even worse when I make myself go to the store.....

Oh yeah ,the monkeys chatter away in my brain too ,all the time ,its probably why I seldom get lonely or even notice being alone a lot of the time ,because I rarely feel like I am .On top of that I talk back..not out loud of course but from time to time a voice crops up and ill have a conversation with it .I have no idea why this is or what its all about and I don't much care..its so much a part of my experience of being me that id miss it if my mind was suddenly quiet .

Strange to report..the things that other people would consider odd or even frightening dont bother me at all ,weird smells that aren't there ,voices ,even the ocasional halucination..its all just normal to me .