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07/27/2010 03:07 AM

Truth in Fiction

SillyOMe
SillyOMePosts: 21588
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The Dinner Out

I sat scanning the menu, but I knew I would order my favorite, Porterhouse steak, baked potato with sour cream, and Caesar salad. My little family only gathered every two or three months here, but I knew what I liked. The waiter, a young man probably in his early 20's approached the table and with a well practiced smile that revealed sexy dimples, and proceeded to take our orders.

The boys and I shared stories and caught up on the days events while waiting and through our salads. The same handsome waiter finally brought our meals and placed them in front of hungry delighted faces. I could not wait to dig into my steak, which was always cooked to a perfect medium rare here. He placed my meal in front of me still hot and sizzling as if just off the grill. We heartily enjoying our food, laughing and joking between bites. It was a perfect night out for all of us.

As if on cue, young and handsome came back to see if everything was alright. The boys nodded yes and smiled as they chewed. He came over to my side leaned over the table close to my plate. I looked up to see not a cute face but a hideous crawling mass of flesh with oozing pus dripping from boils. It's black eyes wept tears of blood that had dried in trails downward toward malformed lips. It opened it's mouth to reveal a cavern of rot and stench to which it released breath foul and rotten between broken yellowed teeth.

“And how is your meal Missy?” it hissed. My heart had now accelerated to speeds I thought impossible, as all sound but it's beating pulsated in my head. I looked down at my plate that now contained a repulsive mass of worm like creatures spinning in and out of green rotting flesh. My throat restricted as my stomach churned in revulsion. I wanted to scream, but the air seemingly would not enter or leave my lungs. I quickly glanced over to my boys who continued to eat. My eyes met my eldest son's and he smiled.

“Well?” the creature asked as it's breath stung my face. I forced myself to look back into it's face just as it stood back up straight. In that moment it turned quickly back into the waiter's questioning face.

Dimples asked “Are you alright Ma'am?” I looked down at my half eaten steak and potato then managed a squeaky “Yes”. To which the waiter smiled and went back to work. I looked around at the busy restaurant expecting someone to have seen what I had, but everyone, including my boys, were enjoying their meals and acting normal.

“Why aren't you eating Mom?” my youngest asked.

“I'm um, full" I studdered. "I guess I should have had a smaller salad.” I managed a smile and picked at my food.

The need to bolt out of the restaurant was overwhelming. Had I gone mad? My heart continued at an accelerated pace as sweat ran down my back. My hands were shaking as I tried to eat small bites that seemed to catch in my throat and threaten to end my life. The thought of death by baked potato put a perverted smile on my face.

Without looking around I knew there were people staring at me. I could feel their eyes watching me as I felt the sweat roll down from head over my face. I dabbed it with napkins while keeping my eyes on my plate. The minutes passed like hours until the boys finally finished eating. I paid the check, left a not so big tip, and with dogie bag in hand headed out.

In the car the world seemed unreal around me, as if an unfocused picture. I rolled down the windows as we drove, letting in the cool evening air. The boys popped ear buds in and plugged into Ipods as I breathed in cleansing breaths. Slowly my heart settled into a normal pace as the night air dried the sweat that had matted down my hair and dampened my blouse.

When we crept into the driveway 15 minutes later I felt as if I had been beaten in an invisible boxing match. Tired, physically aching, and mentally exhausted, I went to bed.

This is Agoraphobic and Social Anxiety to me.

Linda… SillyOMe

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07/27/2010 05:43 AM
slamm311
slamm311  
Posts: 7356
VIP Member

Silly. That was really great! As soon as you started to describe the waiter getting close to you I started feeling panic and flashbacks of when that has happened to me! It was the perfect description. I remember one time not long ago that a guy at the drive thru of Portillos was actually leaning on my car and into the window waiting for my food asking how the weather was treating me. I sat there white knuckled and sick to my stomach. Exactly as if he was a bear and I was his last tasty morsel. Be still I told myself. You jus put everytime I go anywhere into perfect perspective. I really need to show some people I go out with this story!

07/27/2010 06:32 AM
TexasYankee
TexasYankee  
Posts: 4290
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I'm an Advocate

That was so well written and very creative. Way to go, Silly.

I can't say that is how i feel when I go out other than I feel that everyone is watching me, looking down their nose at me. I know this is just my own thinking but it feels real regardless.

Anxiety has a horrid face, no doubt!

Thanks for sharing, hon!


07/27/2010 07:02 AM
jmick
jmickPosts: 13899
VIP Member

That was great Silly. Very descriptive Smile

07/27/2010 07:26 AM
SillyOMe
SillyOMePosts: 21588
VIP Member

Thanks guys... it really is that ugly to me sometimes!

07/27/2010 07:48 AM
KittenMittens
KittenMittens  
Posts: 21489
VIP Member

That should be the name of your book: Death By Baked Potato!

Thank you for opening up and allowing us to live a few moments of your life. Smile


07/27/2010 07:54 AM
JamesC

Wow that was great Silly thats pretty much how it is for me too everytime I have a panic attack its like the whole world can see it.

07/27/2010 08:41 AM
Anna321
Anna321  
Posts: 10505
VIP Member

Wow, quite the story Silly. I don't have social phobia but the feeling of the panic I relate to very well. For me it is like a death from the inside. A war, a fight both physical and mental. I tune people out. I feel like I am ascending into madness, while not being able to breathe. Sometimes I just wish I would cross over the line...grrr...Hey! Maybe I have and don't know it! How fun we all have and all for free! Superbly written story Silly!

07/27/2010 09:02 AM
LadyBunnie
LadyBunnie  
Posts: 3125
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I'm an Advocate

Like Anna I don't have a social phobia either, but I can understand it. And I absolutely understand panic. When you were talking about picking at your food it made me feel a little queasy because I do the same thing when I panic in a restaurant. Sit and pick and push it around the plate praying nobody notices you are shaking or that your face has turned blood red.

And that gave me an idea for a thread...


07/27/2010 09:58 AM
PerryM
PerryM  
Posts: 2072
VIP Member

That's one of the best descriptions of panic that I have ever read! You described it perfectly Silly!
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