The Dinner Out
I sat scanning the menu, but I knew I would order my favorite, Porterhouse steak, baked potato with sour cream, and Caesar salad. My little family only gathered every two or three months here, but I knew what I liked. The waiter, a young man probably in his early 20’s approached the table and with a well practiced smile that revealed sexy dimples, and proceeded to take our orders.
The boys and I shared stories and caught up on the days events while waiting and through our salads. The same handsome waiter finally brought our meals and placed them in front of hungry delighted faces. I could not wait to dig into my steak, which was always cooked to a perfect medium rare here. He placed my meal in front of me still hot and sizzling as if just off the grill. We heartily enjoying our food, laughing and joking between bites. It was a perfect night out for all of us.
As if on cue, young and handsome came back to see if everything was alright. The boys nodded yes and smiled as they chewed. He came over to my side leaned over the table close to my plate. I looked up to see not a cute face but a hideous crawling mass of flesh with oozing pus dripping from boils. It’s black eyes wept tears of blood that had dried in trails downward toward malformed lips. It opened it’s mouth to reveal a cavern of rot and stench to which it released breath foul and rotten between broken yellowed teeth.
“And how is your meal Missy?” it hissed. My heart had now accelerated to speeds I thought impossible, as all sound but it’s beating pulsated in my head. I looked down at my plate that now contained a repulsive mass of worm like creatures spinning in and out of green rotting flesh. My throat restricted as my stomach churned in revulsion. I wanted to scream, but the air seemingly would not enter or leave my lungs. I quickly glanced over to my boys who continued to eat. My eyes met my eldest son’s and he smiled.
“Well?” the creature asked as it’s breath stung my face. I forced myself to look back into it’s face just as it stood back up straight. In that moment it turned quickly back into the waiter’s questioning face.
Dimples asked “Are you alright Ma’am?” I looked down at my half eaten steak and potato then managed a squeaky “Yes”. To which the waiter smiled and went back to work. I looked around at the busy restaurant expecting someone to have seen what I had, but everyone, including my boys, were enjoying their meals and acting normal.
“Why aren’t you eating Mom?” my youngest asked.
“I’m um, full" I studdered. "I guess I should have had a smaller salad.” I managed a smile and picked at my food.
The need to bolt out of the restaurant was overwhelming. Had I gone mad? My heart continued at an accelerated pace as sweat ran down my back. My hands were shaking as I tried to eat small bites that seemed to catch in my throat and threaten to end my life. The thought of death by baked potato put a perverted smile on my face.
Without looking around I knew there were people staring at me. I could feel their eyes watching me as I felt the sweat roll down from head over my face. I dabbed it with napkins while keeping my eyes on my plate. The minutes passed like hours until the boys finally finished eating. I paid the check, left a not so big tip, and with dogie bag in hand headed out.
In the car the world seemed unreal around me, as if an unfocused picture. I rolled down the windows as we drove, letting in the cool evening air. The boys popped ear buds in and plugged into Ipods as I breathed in cleansing breaths. Slowly my heart settled into a normal pace as the night air dried the sweat that had matted down my hair and dampened my blouse.
When we crept into the driveway 15 minutes later I felt as if I had been beaten in an invisible boxing match. Tired, physically aching, and mentally exhausted, I went to bed.
This is Agoraphobic and Social Anxiety to me.
Linda… SillyOMe
If you want to know where your heart is... look to where your mind wanders.
"When I first came to MDJ, I was in need of peer support in dealing with issues of my childhood abuse. I was moving away from the painful issues and trying to find an uplifting group of people to help me transition to a thriver in my life. I found that here. I also found a group of peers with Fibromyalgia and found the same uplifting experience there. My computer crashed and it was a while before I found my way back, this time with issues related to Parkinson's Disease. I had tried a few other support sites before reminding myself of MDJ. On those, I never got a reply. I finally found my way back here and again found very supportive, caring and inspiring people who made me feel like I was 'back home'. Indeed I am." (ThereseML)
